Monday, November 30, 2009

♫ A lesson on Females: Part One.

A word of caution: this blog was not prewritten, I’m winging it…therefore it might get deep, shallow, venture in to TMI-land (too much information-land), etc. We’ll call this rated PG-13, with parental guidance recommended. (and for the parents out there that read it, you’re warned too. ;) )

When we say…we mean….

#1. When we say: Honey, would you like to… do something for me (wash the dishes, put the dishes away, do some laundry, set the table, prepare the meat, etc), what we mean is:

If you’d like to live through this day, if you’d like to be rewarded later behind closed doors, or if you’d prefer we did not give you attitude for the remaining time left in the day, YOU WANT TO DO IT for us. The question above? Isn’t actually a question at all. It’s a polite order.

#2. When we say: This song is so cool, don’t you love it?!

We mean: You really like this song and should bop your head too.

#3. When we say: In our cute excited voice Isn’t this shirt the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?!?!

We mean: If you remembered this shirt and bought it for me later, you would not regret it. This shirt is a package deal, full of one big reward for you….IF you remember. If you don’t remember, we’ll remember that you didn’t remember.

#4. When we say: Honey, I would love to do anything you want me to do tonight. (Keeping this PG…)

We mean: Don’t get too creative. Headaches and excuses are both common after 8pm.

#5. When we say: I think we need a break. Dreaded words in every relationship

We mean: CHASE US.

#6. When we say: Nothing is wrong, everything is FINE

We mean: You’re in trouble. Everything is wrong, and I’m about to bust out my girly emotions all over the place. Guys: The word FINE when used in the form of “I’m fine”, “We’re fine”, etc…means exactly opposite of what the dictionary tells you it means.

#7. When we say: It’s not you, it’s me

We mean: It really is mostly me. But only you can fix it. I know that’s one of the most famous quotes in the history of all breakups, but it’s a lazy way of saying…no matter what you do, I’m not happy. So change, or let me find what I need elsewhere.

#8. When we say: I got you a new TV!

We mean: I got US a new TV and it’s going HERE. Men that have ever gotten a new TV from your best girl, know it’s true.

#9. When we say: I’m going on a diet

We mean: I’m saying I’m going on a diet, to hear you tell me I don’t need to. Just because it’s not in question form, does not mean it’s not loaded.

#10. When we say: anything…

We probably mean: something else.

#11. No matter what we're saying...or doing...a hug will probably fix it. Claws out and all, we won't refuse a hug. I can almost guarantee it.

Now, most of you that read this blog know me…and know that I’m a pretty blunt person. BUT, you also know that girls have their own language, and whether you’re the type of girl to use one of these, or all of these, you know it’s true. Tell me I’m wrong…or, fill us in on YOUR favorite thing to say…and mean.

Yours Truly,


Anonymous said...

I can't even start to comment on this blog. Because everything I say, is ignored, so I end up saying what I really meant to say in the first place and then the fight ensues.

But yes, HUGS cure everything and anything.

Ashley! said...

WHEN I SAY: "Hey, baby? Did you know you left your American Fishing Club stuff, your wallet, a box for the XBOX and some crumpled receipt things on the table?"

IT MEANS: "I am perfectly aware that your man-cessories are living on the kitchen table right now, but I'm totally going to evict them if you don't."

Andrea said...

Love the blog today! I was thinking before I even ready it that I do the "I'm fine" routine all the time and you hit the meaning of that spot on! I never say I am 'fine' when I truly am fine. If I truly am 'fine' then I will say I am good or great or dandy but never fine. If I say 'fine' then my man had better WATCH OUT because I am not FINE!

Earl said...

Sad thing is most of us guys know this yet aren't smart enough to apply it.

Sazaran said...

Can I get a big HALLELUJAH for #5?!?!

Oh and, honey, when I ask you to do something, I want it done NOW. I'm not a lets-wait-three-days-to-take-out-the-trash kinda girl. :)

Anonymous said...

Earl, you're out of the club. That's why we're always confused and whirled into paniced-"forgive me, baby" make-up shopping sprints - BECAUSE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND! Earl, pack up your estrogen pills, collector's edition of "The View" DVD set, and don't bounce your tender tush too hard on the tailgate on your way off the truck!

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