♥365 Days of Change

Nomz wrote all about what has happened to her this year. Holy cats, it's been a crazy year hasn't it? Feels almost like the stuff she accomplished should've taken longer. But, no, that's my Naomi. She crams all the learning and growing things into 365 days of change.

I'd say the same amount of craziness has happened in my life, too. If you take Sazaran from summer of 2010 and hold her up to Sazaran of 2011 you probably would think they're two different people; the former being sort of a gray-scale version of the latter. However, I'm not going to blog about what has happened to me; instead, I'm going to blog about what has happened in me. Because we all know that what happens to you does not necessarily reflect what happens inside of you.

- First and foremost, I've learned (am learning) what true love is. I'm being brought back to the basics: love, grace, mercy, time with Jesus. The main character of this life lesson? My husband, Bruce. Didn't see THAT coming, did ya?! He's been a prime example, from day one of the climb towards that sacrificial love that always endures. I'm so happy that I get to do life with him, I wouldn't want to be tethered to anyone else.

-I've learned to laugh, even when the most logical emotion is the opposite.

- Just like Nomz, (gosh we're so much alike) I branched out with my writing and honed in on that voice speaking inside of me. I took on the challenge of my frequent writer's block and just wrote... a lot. Not even in the blog, but everywhere. Yes, if you're wondering, I'm still offending people with my words. Not intentionally, though. It just happens. I've learned that that part of me might never change. As long as I use it for good and not for evil I don't think I'll employ censor tape.

- I've learned to discern which bridges need to be burned and which need to be rebuilt.

- I've been shown the difference between loving people just as they are and knowing that love calls us from victory to victory. Love doesn't allow us to wallow in our old ways, but it challenges us to be new and improved. Still, that love that says, "I'll stick with you and love you for YOU" is an important lesson.

- I've learned to not forget about my dreams and to pursue them.

- I'm learning about suffering. And death. And love. And how they all blend to make the most beautiful life-tapestry. I'm learning that the hard way doesn't always have to be seen as the worst way. See? Fireflight knows:

The pressure makes us stronger
The struggle makes us hunger
The hard lessons make the difference
And the difference makes it worth it

- Life comes in full circle, ya know? All the things I never thought I'd personally have to deal with are right back in my life. God's sneaky like that.

- I've learned about friendship. What it looks like, what it doesn't look like. Where I need to improve and where I've done a good job. I've learned to let go and/or to cling to, all the while finally realizing that friendship is not a source of "what can I get from this?" but "how can I be your friend, first?" That's a tricky one, let me tell you.

- I'm being called to something higher; to something that scares the crap out of me. And I think this might be the next lesson that I learn: I can do nothing on my own. God shows His funny sense of humor when He uses the foolish things to confound the wise. He calls the weakest people to tackle the biggest tasks. He chooses the most unexpected ways to fulfill His will. I'm part of that unexpected pick, I think. Not even I would have chosen me for what He has planned. And I need to learn to let go and trust. <---- biggest lesson, right there.

- I've learned that the lessons will never stop presenting themselves. And the choice of when to learn the lesson is up to me.

**Mother-In-Laws!

We've all experienced something similar to what this Ghost Blogger is dealing with. Whether you've had a mother in law, will have one, or had one...you know what it's like to be the daughter. Maybe, just maybe, we'll be in lucky to have a "mom" reader that can lend her thoughts from the other side of this argument? What's it like having to love the girl your son chooses? Lend her your thoughts, readers! -Nomz and Sazaran

Mother-in-laws often forget that they are/were daughter-in-laws.

If you are one of the few who haven’t been driven to your breaking point by a mother-in-law, consider yourself one of the lucky few.

I am sure we have all heard the horror stories of new mother-in-laws. It seems that the largest problem lies with the newly wed wife and his mother. The movie Monster in Law shows the extremes of the situation, but most daughter-in-laws can relate in at least one way.

Marriage is a hard thing. There is so much new going on just between husband and wife, but add to that trying to melt two families together. There are many debates that will arise: What holiday do we spend with which family? Whose house do we stay at? Just to give an example. These issues are only complicated with a pushy or invasive mother-in-law.

Whether her intentions are good or not, the pushy mother-in-law seems to forget what it is like trying to start her own family. A girl just wants things to be perfect, in HER own way. The problem seems to be that it is a different way than what the mother-in-law would do. It is important to a new wife to feel like she is starting her new family and home that will be picture perfect, the one where she will grow old because most girls have been dreaming about it since she was three. Most mother-in-laws will drive their new daughter-in-laws nuts by trying to be too helpful. They don’t think about how it felt when their mother-in-law was in their face.

It is always talked about how hard it is for the father of the bride on the wedding day, but they seem to let go after that day better that the mother of the groom. I know that mothers just want what is best for their little boy’s, but sometimes, it is best to just let go. It can be hard to think of a new female knowing your son better than you or taking care of him, but it is weird to try to play mommy to a grown, married, man!

So I have been dealing with the pushy mother-in-law who just doesn’t get it for 8 years. It still isn’t perfect, but I have learned a few things that help me deal.

• She really doesn’t realize what she is doing. Her intentions are good not evil.

• Set some boundaries. FROM THE START! She has to know that she isn’t in charge of every detail of everything anymore.

• From the beginning, explain to her (nicely but firm), she doesn’t get to be involved in aspect or decision. (Yes, I know this goes with the one above, but it is SO important, I have to spell it out twice.)

• Daughter-in-laws: Your husband will never get it. He will never understand why his mom comes off rude or fully understand how she makes you feel inadequate. Try to let him know you need him to support you while SETTING BOUNDARIES. (ooops said it again)

• Lastly, try to let the things that aren’t major to you go. Pick your battles, and stand up when you must, but try to let the unimportant, just annoying stuff go. You know you may end up being that mother-in-law someday!

Did I forget any? Have some tips or stories you want to share? I’d love to hear them!

-C