Friday, October 30, 2009

♫ I am a planner, that loves surprises.

Yes, I am one of those complicated females. Lucky for you, I like to write. That’s like…a map to a puzzle. One that is almost as cool as those maps they put on the inside of boxes of chocolates to figure out which is which without diving in to the nasty orange flavored ones. Almost that cool.

“Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get”. True, unless you have the even better chocolates, or life, that’s completely mapped.

The most complicated thing about me: I love that life is unpredictable, and I absolutely love surprises, but I hate when things are unplanned or up in the air.


It’s Friday. It just snowed approximately 13 inches, and in places where the wind blows, upwards of 4 feet.
My normal every-other-Friday-plan: Drop girls off, go to work, daddy gets girls, get off work, go see my guy.

Today: Work is snowed in, got here late. Daddy is snowed in, cant get the girls. Roads closed, cant get to my guy. I love that all this was somewhat unpredictable, but now I’m getting impatient. Tell me that doesn’t make sense. ;)

If somebody has a helicopter I could borrow to get my girls to their dads…or a snow plow, to open the roads, I’d appreciate it.

Yours Truly,

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

♫ In Case You Miss Sazaran...

She's been absent for a few weeks. Not for lack of words, but for better things to do. I know, SIGH, right?! Little does she know that I am stalking her, and therefore helping YOU stalk her.

Let's go over what she's been up to (besides posing for the perfect October picture):

#1. Awesome mommy-For the WIN!

Not only has she taken two busy trips in the last few months to see close family and friends, but she's been doing it solo. Very few mommy's have the gusto to get through airports with a toddler, but her awesome continues to shine, airport after airport. After arriving at destination #2, we'll call it "Wyoming", her ScoobyDoo (bouncing baby boy) got sick. Much to her dismay it included a high fever, fussy time, and very little sleep. Stepping in, being a stellar mommy that she is, she made every effort she could to make sure he got well fast-between late night runs for thermometers, medicine, and doctors...she also nursed him, bathed him, loved him, and somehow, kept her sanity. Thanks to the big dose of mom time, she contracted whatever HE got. She got the fever, the chills, the cough, the sore throat, the headaches, etc. etc.

It's that time of year. She's not necessarily extraordinary for getting sick, but she is, for being sick for two.

This lucky girl got to see them both, in real live person yesterday and am happy to report that they are both wearing their smiles again...talking with exclamation marks, and basking in ChickFilA and friend time.

PS. She gets extra mommy points for putting him in cooler than school shoes. See?

#2. She's full of quotes.

A random burst of quoteage burst out of our Sazaran yesterday, check'm:

“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.”

“I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'

“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.”

“I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”

"didn't pick dad up from the airport. The roads are SO BAD."
Oh wait. That's not a quote. That's an actual story. She's winning the daughter award for the night, driving through a blizzard in attempt to pick up her dad. In this place we call "Wyoming", we're sitting in four inches of blowing snow, with another 10-15" predicted.

So there you have it. A mini blog to toast our Sazaran to being a stellar mommy, a great friend, and a quote-filled, snow braving darling girl! Now...tell her to get her butt back here and blog...y'all KNOW you're sick of my random rants.

Yours Truly,

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

♫ Horoscopes Can Be Hard to Swallow

I’m not one to invest much in horoscopes. I think they’re hokey. BUT, when several hit dead on, it’s easy to see why people follow them closely.

I’ve subscribed to the Daily Om. Among many inspirational things, one of its strengths is it’s horoscopes. It’s not the typical “today you will trip on the sidewalk, look up, and find the love of your life has left his wife for you” horoscope. It’s not the your future begins today”, cheap Chinese Yummy Fortune Cookie type. It’s the “get off your ass and do something about your slacking” type. For example….today, I get (paraphrased, to keep it shorter):

You might feel overly sensitive to the opinions of others today. This could cause you to take their comments or actions personally. If you can set aside some time to calm your emotions, you will be able to gain a greater sense of emotional balance. Simply take a few moments to visualize a peaceful setting…When you return to your interactions, you may find that nothing can push you off center.

Visualizing a peaceful setting creates a serene state of mind that can calm our emotions. Choosing to maintain an inner sense of peace and harmony can be accomplished easily with the power of our imagination. When we focus on a peaceful vision and make it as clear and realistic as possible, our bodies react as though we were truly there. Our heart rate decreases, our stress vanishes, our serene mind-set quiets our thoughts, and we no longer feel so strongly impacted by our experiences. Your peaceful mental vision can help you to gain more control over your moods and emotions today.

Why did it come at a good time?

Fun story #1:

A Facebook friend of mine posted a link that was somewhat controversial. Not only in its level of being debatable, but also in the comments posted thereafter. A close friend of mine felt attacked. Her being attacked, made me feel attacked…so on and so forth. My horoscope is dead on in targeting my emotions today…and actually, dead on when looking back on my last week.

Which brings us to:

Fun story #2:

I, for lack of better words, lectured somebody very close to me that they get angry too easily, and too often. “It can’t be good for your outlook on life, or your blood pressure”, I say. “How can you take such little minute things about your daily job, so personally and let them get to you so easily…especially when you know they are going to happen?”, I go on.

Part of my daily job? Being a mamma.

Guess who gets angered too easily? Guess who, even though the little agitating things are predictable, gets irritated all too often at the little things? By the end of my day, I am downright explosive about a tear in a book page, or crayons on the wall, or baby powder on stuffed animals. Things that are so simple, and things I am going to actually miss as they get older. Things I know are part of being a mamma.

Ahhhh…I wouldn’t call it hypocrisy, but definitely a taste of my own medicine, or at least self reflection.


Before lecturing people I know, people I love, or strangers about their weaknesses, intolerances, or downfalls…check myself for them first.

Yours Truly,

PS. The picture at the top is completely irrelevant to the post, and is completely not mine. It can be found, along with other great stories here:

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bop Yo Head

For lack of blogging material these days, I've decided to share with you my top five favorite music videos. They're so amazingly cool:

1. Mute Math- Typical. This whole video is backwards.... and yet, his mouth still goes with the music. I can't figure it out, but it's fun to watch!

2. Oren Lavie- Her Morning Elegance. Okay, besides Oren's smooth and sultry voice, this video is truly a work of art. I could watch it over and over and over....

3. Switchfoot- Stars. This song speaks volums to me and how can you get a music video much cooler than this?! Helloooo, it's under water!!

Switchfoot - Stars (Official Music Video) - Free videos are just a click away

4. Bjork- Violently Happy. She's a special person and this song might make you raise an eyebrow to my taste. But, I think she is SO beautiful here and it kinda makes me just wanna let it all out.

Bjork - Violently Happy
Uploaded by coyax.

5. OK Go- Here It Goes Again. Pretty much, this is the only reason I would ever own a treadmill. So I could make my own music video as cool as this one.

Share the love; share your favorite music video!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Based on a True Story

It happens everday, all around us. Even despite the media's influence or seemingly convincing pro-choice logic, right decisions are made. Everyday. Let's keep it that way.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

♫Random Thoughts: 10/21/09


Wants to know why some believe an extinct (Mayan) civilization that the world is ending (12/12/12)...when they're extinct?

Wants to know what's so fascinating about car wrecks. It's pretty obvious that I'm not the only one that's like "yay! Lots of cop cars! A wreck! Come on cars, MOVE SO I CAN SEEEEE". While I usually say a prayer for all involved, is it morbid that it's completely fascinating?

is curious, what is with WalMart anyway? You know, besides coming up with content like this: People of Walmart

really wants to know your first name, and the meaning of it. I'm finding more and more that it's relevant. For you that care: Naomi=Pleasant. Ok, so it's not always relevant.

loves Creed. Especially this newish song:

is giving up her stance for the rest of October against negativity after realizing she's blogged about it three times without even knowing it. What would you like to hear about, readers?

is surrounded by enough good people in her life to let a few weeds grow too.

loves iced tea. A lot. The brewed kind only, and in colors black and green. Not the actual colors of course, but the leaves. I'm also determined that the fact that I drink so much of it, has an insanely awesome affect on my immune system.

can't get enough of our new ghost blogger, and her blog. Like this picture for example:

Find this picture, and more of her blog here: Check your Sugarcoat at the Door

Feet are gross. Really gross.

I have free EmergenC at my desk, for anybody in need of free vitamin ceeeee. Help yourselves. Just dont touch, or cough, on my bubble. thx.

You know, when you have so many thoughts floating around up there, it's impossible to blog on one thing. Feel free to respond to any and all of them. I need HELP.

Yours Truly,

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

♫ An Optimist in Denial

I need to get a few things off of my chest…please realize that this blog is not directed to one person, or one situation, don’t take offense. Or, do…and realize that maybe you could turn your ‘tude around a bit. ;)

#1. It’s not the end of the world.

Though it feels like it, whatever you’re going through probably isn’t unique to you. Someone else has most likely been there, survived it, and wrote a book about it. Instead of cowering from it, learn and grow from it, and adapt to it. Even better, realize that there are people out there that can use your encouragement, and generally, when you give it out, it’s like one of those fancy toys that comes right back at you. Rather than sitting there in a hole thinking you’re the most unlucky, saddest person in the world-love somebody else that feels the same way, and watch what it does for your soul.

#2. Do not write an email, blog, or start a conversation of any kind asking for reaction, then be angry when you get it.

A conversation takes two people. Similar to a face to face conversation, you can write in a way that involves nobody, or you can write in a way that requests a reaction. When you get that reaction, be it what you want, or what you don’t, take it for what it is-exactly what you asked for. Constructive criticism, even when it does not feel constructive or relevant, is not meant to hurt you, make you feel remedial or “stupid”, or smaller than you actually are. It’s just somebody’s view on your situation, and how they personally would make it better. Overreacting, just makes you look remedial, not the actual criticism.

#3. I’m not Buddhist, but….

I’ve heard they have a belief in a “Karma Bank”. Their theory, as I understand it, is that what you put out there, you get back. The more good you give, the more you get to cash in. While I believe that you need to treat others well, I’m not sure that it’s all stored in one account that you get to “cash in” at some point and feel like a good person. I do believe that the more negativity, pessimism, and meanness you put out there-the more of that you’re going to get in return. Luckily, I also think that the more optimism, encouragement, love, and giving you hand out, the more you get of those things in return. While some think that optimism isn’t a firm grasp on reality, I’d rather live in a happy world than the “real” one, if it’s full of pessimism. Similar to the end of the world…I’d rather be surprised, than stressing about it until it gets here. Give out good, get good back. Be angry, prepare yourself for retaliation of some kind.

#4. Hey Waiter!

If you demand to be served, don’t expect it.

While some jobs ask their employees for a servant attitude, they are going to be less likely to hand you that gracious emotion if you expect or demand it. Waiters, IT Help Desk, Nurses, and Customer Service Agents chose that line of work to serve. From my experience, mistakes are made but doing the best they can with what life hands them is their attitude, and they usually do a better job of it then I could. Appreciate them, thank them when they get it right, and try to look past the small stuff. The more you demand perfection, the lower your quality of service.

#5. I'm not expecting perfection.

I'm not trying to sound like I am perfect, or that I want all my friends to be. I'm not asking you to stop leaning on me when times are hard, or venting when you're angry. I love being that friend! I just get tired of the same people being negative or self-centered all the time. They don't get on and off soap boxes, they just set up a tent...on top of them and live there always. Obviously, I love you you do me when I climb on mine. I just wish you'd see that life isn't nearly as terrible as you think.

Apparently, I am an optimist in denial, afraid to live in a pessimists world…and completely honest, especially when asked. I am far from perfect, but don’t demand perfection. I love, and love to be loved. Though I have very little, I have it all…surrounded by amazing people, loved by two of the best small people ever, and smiled down on by one great God…I’ll take what I can get, expecting any more is just going to leave you feeling empty and unfulfilled.

Yours Truly,

Monday, October 19, 2009

♫ Be a Positive Farmer

It's strange, now that I've spent months around farming, I'm seeing all kinds of ways to compare it to life. No wonder everybody says farmers are smart. Well, everybody I know anyway, farmers aside.

I got a fun horoscope the other day with this quote in it:

Life is short. Don’t waste a moment on sowing negativity. If you wish to harvest a good crop, then plant seeds of kindness and keep out the weeds of negativity. Weeds choke out the plant and make the fields ugly. Be a farmer of positivity.

First I was like, whoa, they are farmers too!. Then I was like, whoa, good point.

Similar to most men (and a few, is it left brained?, women), I learn with pictures better than anything else. Picture a pretty farmers field. The farmer itself does not necessarily need to be pretty, but the field. A corn field, or a sunflower field, or beets, if you know what they look like. Stunning in a sunset right?! Isn't that a great mental picture??

Now picture that perfect field, covered in weeds. Hmmmm. Even the sunset can't really help that scene, can it?

Farming takes a lot of work. It's not at all like gardening, for the record. They prep the field. Then they prep it again. Then the plant, then spray, then watch, then maybe spray again, then watch some more, then harvest, then do it again. Honestly, I'm simplifying it hugely, and probably getting some of the steps wrong. If you want to be a farmer, stop reading my blog and go find a farmer. ;) The point is, you don't do all that work to grow weeds, or let weeds take over.

Why oh why would you shout positivity, or plan for a good day, or a good year, and then let the weeds of negativity, or "negativity bombs" as we like to call them, get in your way? When a "weed" (negative friend, negative comment, or bad luck) starts to overtake your goals of a happy and content lifestyle, you've got to find a way to spray them with something strong, and plow them under. They might regrow. It's the end crop that matters though, right? Plow'm under. Not your friends, silly...their negativity.

Just a thought.

Yours Truly,

Friday, October 16, 2009

♫ I like Anonymous Comments.

I have to thank a friend of mine, for inspiring this blog. She writes almost daily, very well, about a variety of things. Today, her post was about anonymous comments on her blog. (!!Please read it here: FindingMe2009 ) She shares the thought process with a lot of people, that remaining anonymous is similar to wearing a mask. It’s something you can hide behind, so a lot of the time comments are either irrelevant, or an attack.

I can agree with a piece of that…the last part. The reason people choose to remain anonymous.

I guess the difference, to me though, is that I’d prefer the honesty with the mask, then no honesty at all.

When we created this blog, we decided to allow anonymous commenters. Because of that, in combination with some of the topics on our blog, we’ve been verbally attacked on more than one occasion. What we’ve learned though, is that if we do let those people speak anonymously, we can learn from those attacks. People also praise anonymously. Or choose to comment, because under a “real name” they’re not legally able to do so. We’ve had one reader reappear on our blog under a pen name, or anonymous name, because their real name can’t be revealed. Most blogs will let you assume a personality under any name. We could block anonymous comments, but what’s to keep you from using a “pen name”?

I like the blind honesty that comes with the anonymous comments. Snarky, attacking, praising, and anything else that comes along with it. I guess my personal preference is to listen to the masked person, then not hear them at all.

Don't get me wrong, it drives me bonkers when I can't figure out who lashed out...I would love the opportunity to get in an actual face to face argument with somebody that disagrees with some of my blogs...but that defeats the idea of a blog, to me. I put it out there for my sake, and hope that somebody out there relates to it, and enjoys reading it. I put them out there to light fires, and start discussions...honestly, regardless of the "who" behind the debate. This whole thing is worth pondering though.

I think this is a great debate. I’m not sure that there is a right or wrong place in it…but I’d love to hear your opinion! Bloggers especially, are your commenters allowed to be anonymous? How do you feel about that?

Yours Truly,

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

**Dear Office: A Rant

A blog of a different color! Just when you thought we were getting predictable, one of our fabulous ghost writers pops up and surprises you! Let her know what you think, eh?? (***** were put in place to keep up with the standards of the blog. Though we sometimes use these words in a natural language, we've chosen to protect some of the readers...our fabulous ghost blogger, agreed to said conditions.****)
~Nomz and Sazaran

Dear Office: A Rant

I have a complaint. Or twelve.

-I will not participate in the latest trend diet, sustaining on only specific teas and vegetation until I’m face first on my keyboard from lack of anything my body needs. And I don’t care that you do.

-I don’t wear heels or open-toed shoes because I choose not to completely restructure the way I’ve walked this green earth for roughly twenty-three years and also, I can’t afford a pedicure every f***ing week. Do not question my lack of ridiculous footwear unless you want me to question your f***ing cankles.

-Just because there’s a fancy new creamer in the office kitchen does not mean you can take it home and hoard it all to yourself, you greedy, caffeine-guzzling snot.

-There’s a very standard volume tolerance in corporate America . Oh, this is news to you? That’s because you’re the guy having discussions/bragging about much-too-personal, completely-unrelated-to-your-job specifics such as: how much you paid for your watch and/or how much you drank last night. Newsflash: You’re a douche.


-Seriously, get your own {gosh-darned) scissors.

-Passive aggression is not an effective way to get your message across. But it is hilarious, so keep it up.

-Consider your readers before hitting forward on that religious propaganda that’s fourteen pages long, 13.5 of which are all forward headers.

-A long winded explanation that is actually only one sentence should be cause for termination.

-If you’re going to leave your phone number on my voicemail, you can assume I am going to write it down. Unless my recording says, “You’ve reached Rain Man, please speed through your contact info so I can retain it immediately,” then slow the fu*** down.

-You do not need a receipt for every e-mail I open. Turn that sh** off.

-Oh, an offsite meeting at 3pm on Friday? I CALL BULLSH** TO YOUR SLACKING FACE.

-We’re co-workers, not blood relatives. Keep the fake pleasantries to yourself. If you don’t actually care how my weekend was its okay not to ask.

-I’m not above some shallow gossip but if you think I’m going to alienate myself completely by huddling up with your clique and discussing every being that walks by, including other members of your clique, you’ve recruited the wrong member.

-If you didn’t bring it for lunch, it is not yours.

-Park in a single parking space, a**hole. Unless miraculously you’ve driven two vehicles simultaneously to work you are allowed only one space per four wheels. Douche.

-No matter how catchy and unbelievably hilarious your new ring tone – turn it down. Or I’ll submerge it in my coffee.

-It is a common courtesy to give someone a chance to sit, breathe, boot up and gather caffeine before you bombard them with your needs, all of which lose importance when given in such a manner.

-Sure I’ll do your filing! When my wage was minimum.

Warm regards,

Calamity Jill

PS. See you at happy hour.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Anxiety, I haz it.

Ever forget to breathe? These days, it seems like one minute I'll be happy as a clam, enjoying the fall breeze and the next I've forgotten all about that gentle breeze and my world is swirling, spinning and twirling around in my head. Clam soup, you could call me.

So, I'm going to give myself a little advice. I'll share it with you, 'cause I know that anxiety gets its claws into everyone at some point. Here are some hints to cope:

1. Breathe. It's logical, practical. But I always seem to forget. However, getting oxygen to the brain is not only essential for life, it also helps your brain kick into problem solving gear. Breathe like you've just finished a run. In for five seconds, out for ten. And again... soon you'll feel a little better.

2. Put everything into perspective. On a scale of life, how dire is your situation? For example: you have a date and you feel anxiety about whether or not this date will go well. Think about this instead of the negative element: regardless of whether or not your date goes well, you are a wonderful person and will find someone who you're meant to be with. The in-betweens are just fine tuning your preferences. Remember, until death, there are no mistakes that cannot be undone. What I mean is, you can pick up and move on.

3. Realize that nothing is or will ever be perfect. Will it permanently damage your child to let him cry for five minutes longer than usual, while you pee in peace? So what if that parking ticket will be on your record? Will it ruin your life if your wedding isn't exactly as planned? Going with the flow of life's little (or, granted, large) rapids will only teach you to be flexible. Gary Smalley once said, "Stress is the difference between what you expect and what you get." Does it mean to lower your expectations? No, it just means that you might need to include a little wiggle room with them.

4. Take inventory. I'm a great list-er. Inventory was always an enjoyable thing for me when I worked in retail. Being able to see every single item under my responsibility helped me settle into a groove, a pattern. Try thinking of all the things going right in life. For me specifically, I concentrate on things like this: my son is safe and happy; I am supported by loved ones and am healthy; summer will always come back around; there are plenty of fish in the sea (this isn't only for a significant other, you know. Fish can be friends, too); God will never leave me or forsake me.

5. Intentionally ignore the bad. There is rarely an opportunity for one to miss the silver lining in any moment. Is your boss a total jerk? Focus, instead, on a co-worker that you seem to get along with. At least you're not surrounded by jerks. Your figure isn't where you want it to be right now? Decide to see your best feature- and appreciate it.

6. Find a BFF. Keeping it all bottled up is a big no-no. Find someone whom you trust and know will offer their ears for listening and shoulders for crying on. They may not have the answer you need, but by allowing whatever emotions are pent up you will be one step closer to be anxiety-free.

7. Focus on these scriptures:

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Monday, October 12, 2009

♫ Some people are like Downy Balls

I bought a Downy Ball for the first time a few weeks ago. That, partnered with the new Downy black bottle goodness, has made my clothes incredible. I do not use that word lightly folks, I mean it. Not only are my clothes all fabric-softened, but they smell amazing.

During a discussion with a close friend and compadre last week, while discussing this product of awesome, another topic came up. One that comes up often enough in conversations between friends. Not that of gossip, but more…the things people do that have an effect on your mood, your day, or your general outlook on life. In venting my frustration with a certain friend, she enlightened me by saying something along the lines of: some people are like Downy balls, hitting everything they touch and pouring out ____ energy all over the place. In this case, I believe that blank was filled with negativity, but she had a point. Everybody is a Downy Ball, filled with a different form of fabric softener. Some of us pour negativity out all over the place pretty regularly, some of us positive, some of us brilliance, love, generosity, inspiration, or pessimism. Sometimes, you can’t decide what flavor you want to be, and don’t necessarily lack consistency, but just enjoy changing it up on us regularly. We’ll call it: bipolar. I hope I am not coming off as giving said Downy Ball, or you, a negative spin. Quite the contrary actually. Let me explain.

My Downy Ball has one flaw. As it pours, I can’t completely control how much it spills. Sometimes I can’t get it to spill at all, other times it waits until the end of the wash cycle and is overwhelming and must be rinsed again. Sometimes, it’s just right.

We can’t control how people spill. We cannot control how much moderation they use, or how much they just want to get it all out at the same time. What we can control, is how we react to it. Realize that you’re also a Downy Ball-and that everything you do has an effect on every single person you come in contact with. Don’t make them put you through an extra rinse cycle. *wink

Let’s recap. What we learned today:

Not only does everybody need a Downy ball to make the task of laundry slightly more enjoyable, but realize that just because the contents of your Downy Ball have been dumped out all over it, doesn’t mean you can’t put on an extra rinse cycle and keep moderate how much it affects your load.

Yours Truly,

Friday, October 9, 2009

**Just When Things Started Getting Normal…

This was written last year by a recent transplant to the Cheyenne, Wyoming area. Enjoy this ghost blog, and feel free to comment! ~Nomz and Sazaran

Ever notice how sometimes your life seems to sit at a mouth-gaping standstill? I notice that a lot. Except for the past few months, which have left me bewildered, standing in the proverbial dust-cloud of what-the-hell-was-that confusion. Sit down and sip your coffee, fans-o-my-blog, for you are about to embark on the Lifetime-movie-esque drama that is my 2008 thus far.

Picture me, sitting slack-jawed in a cubicle, writing story after monotonous story about golf courses, cigar rooms, bed and breakfasts, water parks and hotels claiming to be "the BEST!" "the ONLY!" and "just minutes from (insert super-awesome, world-renown tourist attraction here)". Wait… was that drool dripping between the B and N keys? Why, yes, yes it was. Aside from the somewhat mind-numbing subject matter, though, I was pretty happy with my shit-paying writing job. Living the dream, folks. Fo' shiz.
So, as I adjust to the non-corporate world and realize "hey, this place is totally effed up" I tell myself that it's all worth it because someday, I'll be J.K. Rowling, ruling the world via addictive fantasy book series featuring geeky magical pre-teens triumphing over dark, Hitler-ish dudes. Hopeful glimpse into future…check.
And, when my guard is totally down and my life seems almost too simple (i.e., get up, go to work, go home, chill with a Netflix, go to bed), the rug is pulled out from under me. The bomb drops. The shit hits the fan.
[That's right, I have invoked the triple-cliché whammy, which, as many writers know, is utterly forbidden except in times of total mind meltdown wherein the invoker has no other means of communication than trite discourse.]
Wednesday, February 13th, 7pm. I'm super lazed out, half asleep, half watching a Gilmore Girls rerun in my freshly laundered 800-thread-count sheets (thank you Mom). There's a knock at the door. (I swear, looking back it's like I'm watching a suspense thriller. I want to reach out and shake myself, screaming "don't answer the door, you IDIOT!") So, anyway. I don't answer the door, because I'm just that lazy and I figure it's probably somebody selling something or trying to get me to join their church and like, totally get saved. Um, yeah, I’ll pass. So, as I roll over, acknowledge the knock and think twice about getting up from my warm nest-o-pillowtop mattress and salt-vinegar chips, someone has made their way to the side of the house to bang on my window. My roommate must have locked herself out. So I drag myself out of bed, and stumble sleepily to the front door.
(Remember this as one of those significant moments before life and perspective are utterly altered. It is critical times like these that really should be remembered in that slow motion, bluish light type of atmosphere, where everything is just a little too normal and every heavy footstep to the door echoes just a little louder than it should.)
As the door swings open, the wind is blowing but the wind chimes are strangely still. Little things like this always stick out to me when I should be focusing on something really important and then I feel guilty that I'm noticing insignificant details about my surroundings. Two police officers and a priest are standing on the front porch, looking curiously serious. My I-just-answered-the-door-so-I'm-smiling-politely-face slowly fades to a this-has-to-be-really-bad-if-you-brought-a-priest face. Shit, shit, shit. That's all there really is to say.
Three hours later, and I'm sitting in Rogue Valley Medical Center ICU waiting room absent-mindedly gnawing on a burger from Wendy's and shaking my leg like a crack addict. My evening has transformed from middle-of-the-week sloth to something straight out of prime-time TV. For those of you who don't know, my roommate Gladys was hit by a car going 35 miles an hour at a crosswalk. She was thrown more than 50 feet and suffered a massive head injury, lacerated liver, broken ankle and road rash (which, in my opinion is a disturbingly inaccurate description of what looks more like some serious electric-sander-to-face action.)
I'd like to say I have the composure and sense to sort through the sorrowful events that went down that night, but this is really all I can muster up. Just know it was, by far, the worst thing I have ever witnessed. A week later (almost to the hour, in fact), Gladys died of a blood infection. As I stood by her bedside and watched in what only can be described as horror, Gladys' family cried, screamed and pounded fists at the sky as a daughter, sister and friend slowly faded away. All I remember is feeling painfully numb (yes, this is an oxymoron, but it's also about as close as I can get to truth). Really all I remember is leading Laura (my other roommate) out the door into the hallway, walking to the elevator, and trying to face the waiting room full of students sitting vigil outside the ICU. Telling them that their friend and classmate had just passed away was the worst thing I've ever had to do. It was all I could do to keep from running straight to my car and driving far, far away.
Two days after Gladys died, I came down with one of the worst colds I've ever had. Not much of a surprise, though, after all of the emotional stress I'd been under. Let's just say after about a week of coughing and feeling seriously beat down, I started throwing up blood. Three days after this fun little experience, I got laid off from my writing job due to lack of work. Thank you recession; thank you George Bush. Cue me, looking suspiciously at the sky and wondering if I'm being tested.

After a month of unemployment (and don't feel too bad for me, because I definitely enjoyed my 30 days of sleeping in, taking afternoon naps, reading for three hours straight at coffee shops), I finally threw in the towel and went back to the banking world. I know, I know. It's the one thing I said I'd never do. Damn you, irony, you little beyotch. Anyway, it wasn't so bad, and it was mindless, easy work, which was ever-so-necessary.

Just when you thought I couldn't depress you anymore, I will end my epic saga on a happy and hopeful note. Several weeks back into mediocre banking career, I was landed a job as a copywriter (you know, the "dream job" that actually utilizes my degree). I'm headed to Cheyenne Wyoming of all places, to start fresh in a new career and new town. Scared? Yes. Second guessing? Well, a little. Hopeful? Gotta be.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

** Guest Blog about Anorexia

Please take some time and read about this guest's struggle with anorexia. -Nomz & Sazaran.

Tracey Gold: "Anorexia is such a self-consuming, selfish disease. It's all about you. Becoming a mother, all of a sudden it wasn't about me anymore."

When is the age where we start to think that, the girl in the TV needs to be me? You suddenly start to examine yourself in a different way then ever before. You feel the need to be this certain way that society has hand delivered to our minds. I never started thinking about weight until I was around 17. My boyfriend in high school seemed to control my every thoughts. I was 5'5 and at a healthy weight 110. He started to say, God, your so fat. I never even felt that way before he had ever said it. He would tell me over and over and over again. So what's a girl to do that's only 17? I started to starve myself. At first I didn't really see a difference. Then weeks started to flutter by and I took a look in the mirror. I was suddenly at 90 pounds. My jeans hung loose to my hips. A size zero was so big for me. I felt satisfaction, "he'll never call me fat again, I thought in my mind." When I saw myself, I would always find some sort of fat on my bones, and feel the urge to starve myself even more. I started to get so tried all the time. All I wanted to do was sleep. I hardly know how I made it through my senior year.
So, I graduate and guess what that looser I was dating broke up with me for one of my "friends." I was drained from the top of my head down to my toes. I felt like my whole world came crashing down. So I continued to starve myself. By this time my family was getting pretty concerned for my life. I was now at 79 pounds with my clothing on. My life was dangling before my eyes and I couldn't get a grip on myself. I felt like I was in control when I would starve myself. I would think in my mind that food was gross. I couldn't stand to watch anyone eat. As I sit here and write this story I still can't believe how stupid it all sounds. I mean eating ='s life, not eating ='s death.

To make a very long story short I did move to California and I started to get over my anorexia. I wasn't until I became pregnant with my little girl that I found out how wonderful food can really be. I has been a battle to not get back to that thinking again. I look at my body and I know the easy way out of loosing the weight would be to go back to my bad habits. I struggle every day not to be that person and remind myself that I did just have a baby and the weight will come off as long as I continue to work out and eat healthy. Anorexia is something that I hope I will never go back to. I wish I knew what I know now though. I would have never let that kid tell me what I should or shouldn't look like. Not that I'm trying to blame him for my actions but, I probably never would have even thought of being super super skinny with my bones hanging out. If you or someone you knows has anorexia it isn't the end of the road. But, they have to be ready to change.

Self Help Books
Dying to Be Thin: Understanding and Defeating Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia--A Practical, Lifesaving Guide by Ira M. Sacker and Marc. A. Zimmer

Feeding the Fame: Celebrities Tell Their Real-life Stories of Eating Disorders And Recovery by Gary Stromberg, Jane Merrill, and Wendy Naugle

Anorexia Nervosa & Related Eating Disorders, Inc.
(541) 344-1144

Eating Disorder Referral and Information Center
(858) 481-1515

National Eating Disorders Association

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

♫ Nightmares 101

“Nightmares are anxiety attacks while dreaming.”

I had a nightmare last night. A bad one. One that gave me tremors, chills, and anxiety. The kind that had me reaching for my phone and going through my list of contacts trying to think of who’d be awake at 3:42am to tell me all is well. My glass of water empty-and I was too terrified to make the short walk to the bathroom to fill it up to make it better. I hate nightmares.

I have a process when I get them though, my mental game, if you will, on how I overcome the attacks on dream-hood. I would assume my parents encouraged most of these habits, though the only one coming directly from them was:

Go get a drink of water, go back to bed, pray about it.

It always worked, except I remember being terrified that something was going to eat me in the kitchen. I was so scared once, I remember waking up in the middle of the night on top of the kitchen counter. I assume I was hiding from the floor monsters after attempting to gulp a glass of water.

Here I am, mid-twenties, still cowering from monsters.

My dream last night:

Somebody attacked the biggest part of my heart by stealing the two things in this world most precious to me. I remember, I was specifically walking out of a gas station after getting them their favorite chocolate milk, and having to watch them drive away with somebody else. I woke up shaking and paralyzed. One of the things I immediately do post-nightmare, is make my own ending. It always helps me come to a resolution, and move on. “Rewrite the movie” so to speak. Last night, no matter how I rewrote it, it didn’t end well. Luckily, I had allowed one of them to sleep with me, and woke up with her literally sleeping with her head on my shoulder and her fingers entwined in mine, which is the only reason I survived the night, I’m sure of it. I lost three hours of sleep though, even with the fact that we were completely protected…ammunition, guard dogs, cops next door and all. ;)

My biggest fear is losing my children-or them suffering in some form that I am unable to protect them from. Which explains the reason I had it, but not the timing. Last night I read a happy book before bed, ate a healthy meal, and got plenty of cuddle time. No movies or TV last night at all. So why the attack?

The random part about this dream that tells me that it wasn’t some prophetic message? Randall McDaniel, a recent Minnesota Vikings hall-o-famer was the guy that did it (in my dream of course). Obviously, that’s not true. Nor will it ever be. Knowing that it was completely false, I did some research today. I really hope that what I found, helps you overcome your night terrors and battles:

~When your children get them, hold them tight, and reassure them that it was just a dream. The younger we are, the harder it is to understand.
~Check your medications. If you’re nightmares have become more frequent, could it be relative to the medications you’re taking? It’s a pretty common side affect.
~Rewrite your nightmare (I AM doing something right! Until I read this article, I thought I was crazy!). You can create your own ending, tricking your mind to assume everything is ok.
~Talk about it!
~Most nightmares are stress related, or stem from a traumatic occurrence in the past, or one that you worry about regularly. Find a way to get over that event: dream less about it!
~Alcohol or Illness may be a factor. If you went to bed slightly medicated or intoxicated, it will probably have an effect on your dream cycle.

Dream Sweet!

Yours Truly,

Sources for Dream Research found here:

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

To Vaccinate or not to vaccinate?

There has been much hoopla over the flu shot and vaccines lately, in regards to their adverse effect on children. The scary thing here is, each are supposed to protect us from diseases and sickness, but what if they are doing the exact opposite? What if they are hurting our children?

The more I've been reading about the flu shot, the more I find information about a link from it to autism. An estimated 1 our of every 90 children that are autistic. Why have the numbers become so common? Could it be that we are over anxious to pump our children with unknown chemicals and so this the outcome? Please, mothers with autistic children, do not read this blog and think I am pointing fingers. I am only trying to glean as much information about the flu shot and other vaccines as I can, before I make the decision to subject Malachi to them.

This is the information I have dug up in an attempt to educate myself, please give me your thoughts!

Found at Associated Content, a study has been done on a group (or maybe a few) of Amish in which no flu shot has been administered. Where they "should have found nearly 200 cases of Autism" (I'm assuming this is based on population) "only 3 cases were found. One was a Chinese girl that had been vaccinated in China, and when brought to America was vaccinated again, another was an Amish child that was vaccinated, and the third was of unknown cause. It was later found that the third Amish child lived in an area of an old mercury mine."

So, the connection here seems to be mercury. I do remember my teacher telling me about the little silver ball at the tip of a thermometer and that I should never allow it to touch my skin. The issue with mercury is that the body cannot process it, so it just stores it in the kidneys or brain-- causing all sorts of problems. This is the reason that pregnant women and babies should not eat tuna, the mercury content can be dangerously high. There are multiple articles and studies that support both sides of this heated debate. Here is something to think about (from the article mentioned above), "... the testing paid for by the pharmaceutical companies seems to be conclusive that there is no connection between vaccines and autism."

My step-uncle, who is a nutritionist, opposes vaccines (When I asked him his opinion of getting the flu shot he said, point blank, "HELL NO.") and hasn't had a shot since he was 16 said to me, "What do you do if your fish is sick? You don't pump him with chemicals to get better, you change his water. So, if your body gets sick, you change what goes into it- you eat and drink healthy."
The main questions he recommends to ask are: Do you know what the shot contains? What are the sources of the stuff in the shot? And, really, do we know?
So what do we do instead of getting a shot? "Be proactive." Ed says, "Wash your hands. It sounds simple enough, but it's the basis of all good hygiene. Think in terms of food, air and water. Number one, eat healthy. Get rid of all processed and white food. Live off of grainy and live foods. Take your vitamins. Number two, get an air purifier in hour house. Number three, drink lots of water; don't drink soda."
What are other ways of being proactive? Ed suggests grape seed extract, super lysine plus, garlic and vitamin c as alternatives to the flu shot. Visit your local health store and ask them about other alternatives for prepping your body against the flu season.
All this being said, I know that there is a line between being smart, doing your research and making and educated decision and believing everything you read or hear, panicking and never letting your child out of the house again. I'm trying to avoid the latter. I do hope this information helps. Please, as I said, let me know your convictions or thoughts. Have you vaccinated your child? Did he/she have the flu shot?

Monday, October 5, 2009

**GIVE me the splendid silent sun!

Please give our Wyoming Winter Guest Blogger some love and take a listen! :) It's a good one!
~Nomz and Sazaran

Listening to the birds whistle, sing and play outside of my window this afternoon, you would think it was the first day of Spring, not Sunday, October 04, 2009. Why are they so damn happy? The weather today is over cast, cold and yes snowing. And yet for the past few hours I couldn’t help but notice the little suckers dancing about as if there were no tomorrow. What’s up with that?

Steve Martin once said, “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” Very funny Steve, but I think you are on to something. When the sun goes down we want to “power down” and go into hibernation mode. Our metabolism slows to a crawl. So on the 129 days a year in Cheyenne when the sun doesn’t shine, it seems quite natural for us to put on our PJ’s and just sit around with Charlie Manson looks on our faces. It just seems like the right thing to do. Do the birds know something we don’t know?

Lately everyone it seems has been more than happy to tell me that this winter is going to be the worst in 50 years. Where did they get their information? And why be so perky about it! In the book, “The Rural Life” the author, Verlyn Klinkenborg makes a very interesting observation about Wyoming; He says, “In Wyoming people talk as though winter were “out there” even now, lurking not in time but in space, being prepared somewhere in a shop or factory, awaiting only final assembly and shipment to the proper address.” Are these rumors of a hard winter preparing us for the inevitable?

I must admit that I am a just a tad bit grumpy and irritable today because I love my sunshine. I need my daily serving of Vitamin D! But now as I look out my window, fog is rolling in, and the wind is starting to blow. Winter is just around the corner. Were the playful birds today trying to teach me? Today my little friends reminded me of a poem by Walt Whitman entitled “Give Me the Splendid Silent Sun”

GIVE me the splendid silent sun, with all his beams full-dazzling; Give me juicy autumnal fruit, ripe and red from the orchard; Give me a field where the unmow’d grass grows; Give me an arbor, give me the trellis’d grape; Give me fresh corn and wheat—give me serene-moving animals, teaching content; 5 Give me nights perfectly quiet, as on high plateaus west of the Mississippi, and I looking up at the stars; Give me odorous at sunrise a garden of beautiful flowers, where I can walk undisturb’d; Give me for marriage a sweet-breath’d woman, of whom I should never tire; Give me a perfect child—give me, away, aside from the noise of the world, a rural, domestic life; Give me to warble spontaneous songs, reliev’d, recluse by myself, for my own ears only; 10 Give me solitude—give me Nature—give me again, O Nature, your primal sanities!
So for now I am going to live every hour of the day and night like an unspeakable miracle, winter, spring, summer or fall!

*Ghost Blogger

Friday, October 2, 2009

Life demands inspiration.

Hinging on Nomz's blog about being optimistic, I thought I would share this little inspirational story. It's all over YouTube, but I think it just might be worth more than one view:

Have a great weekend, dear readers! :)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

♫ Negativity is the easy way out.

Negativity is lazy. Anybody can find fault in somebody, because nobody is perfect. The real challenge, is glass-half-full lifestyle. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do in life, is find something good, when everything is bad.

“Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It just means you’ve chosen to look past life’s imperfections.”

I am a happy person. My sister, and a few of my friends known as the soul chargers, are generally happy people. I’ve tried to surround myself with people that can put a good spin on any situation. Of course, not all people are positive people. That’s ok! Of course we love you anyway. But you’ve officially been deemed: Eeyore Friends.

To my Eeyore’s:

Life isn’t nearly as bad as it seems. Even though you continuously have to pin your tail back on, drag your nose out of the mud, dig to find the positive, and just really have a hard time with life, we love you anyway! I mean honestly, Eeyore is like…everybody’s favorite Pooh character, right?! I’m just begging you to look around, and of the 10 negative things you found on somebody’s Facebook page, outfit in the mall, voice on the phone, the bad boy drama or girl drama…find one positive. Just one. As in: something you love about yourself. Something you love that’s going on in your life. OR even better; something you love about the thing in front of you that’s got you buggin’ and gripin’. It’s hard. It’s really, really hard sometimes. It’s just a challenge, from me to you. Me begging, even. Negativity is soooooo easy to carry around, and faults are so easy to find; the real challenge is finding the good in something that has you spinning the wrong direction.

Do me a favor. Since we allow you to comment anonymously: do so. Tell me about something that drives you NUTS. Something you vent about every day to somebody, and post it. Then, put PS….”but_____”. Example: “All she talks about his how hard her life is, when she doesn’t even realize what I am going through, or cares to ask! “ –anoymous. PS. “she has the most amazing voice when she IS griping though”.


Yours Truly,


An Ecclesiastes moment, I haz it. (“Vanity of vanities, all is vanity.”)

Maybe it's because I'm in America and have every little necessity at my finger tips, or maybe it's because I'm a girl and I like fashion... either way, I've been finding myself overwhelmed by things as of late. And by overwhelmed, I do mean that I'm not finding it at all enjoyable.

Do you ever feel that way?

Driving to the mall to exchange a pair of jeans, I just watched the businesses zoom past... all full of things. Cars, cell phones, clothes, sex toys, vices of all sorts and shapes. All screaming out with their slogans and bright colors to keep us from feeling like we can live without them. Really, what did the world do before such vain and unimportant (in the whole scope of l-i-f-e) stuff? If I could, I think I would like to be shipped off to Africa or India for a few weeks. Live life with bare essentials, if only to remind myself that it is not about how many cute tops hang in my wardrobe, how well my cell phone gets reception or how shiny my hair can be. The meaning of true happiness, I'm sure, reveals itself when there is nothing to distract one from its still, small voice.

While in Africa, my dad once offered to buy a McDonald's hamburger and shake for an African. The gentleman politely refused. We asked him why and he replied, "If I have one now, it will be the only thing I can think of. I do not need it." Oh, to have that kind of self-control and appreciation for the simple things!

A domino maze, that's what it is. You can tip-toe around but once you bump into one little black dress and red leather heels, it's all over. More more more or "Gimme gimme gimme". It doesn't just stop with those two items; you need jewelry, a nice bag, new makeup. With the newest DVD to come out, you also need the newest DVD player, the nicest highest definition TV and a cherry oak entertainment system. Baby Einstein isn't enough, Signing Time isn't enough; how will baby learn without his ABC train? His shapes and colors blocks? His Bilingual Musical and Words Table Deluxe?????

Maybe I don't have to go across the world to get this revelation. I would like to just strip down- get rid of superficial belongings and focus on what is truly holding me in one piece: My God, my son and my family. Surely, contentedness doesn't come wrapped in plastic with an orange price tag. But, as I look around, I really don't know what I could live without! Ahhh, the madness!

I'm not saying that a life of hard work and dedication does not deserve to reap the rewards. But, for me, I'm feeling the need for a little bit of a spring.... er, Fall cleaning. Attitude more than accessories- when it comes right down to it. Be content with what I have, not what I need.

Philippians 4:11
"...I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am. "

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