♫ Stay Out of Your Way

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”— Ralph Waldo Emerson

My heart hurts.

It's been a day of conflict. And what hurts the most, is that not a single bit of it was with me. I just had to sit and watch the pain happen. I was sitting at work today, getting dizzy, watching two friends destroy each other with venomous thoughts.

As if watching a movie, I chose to rewind. I thought back on the last few months, and how much I've shed tears for broken friends, lost sleep over torn family, and emailed until my fingers were exhausted - resolving or creating conflict.

It's not one person that's always involved. It's every single person that I know...hurting. I hear a lot of excuses. I give a lot of excuses. ...

She's selfish. He's always been mean, I've just run out of patience. Money is too tight to fix things. She won't learn from her mistakes. I'm facing a life-change, and can't deal with it. It's his fault. It's his job. My kids are naughty. She's gotten so self, and boy, absorbed. She always has an excuse. He loves somebody else more than me. He won't leave his dream for mine. She's quick to judge, but refuses to see herself truly. He's clingy. My job is too hard.

It's ironic how when we're absolutely unhappy, we immediately turn to blame somebody else, isn't it? We never find ourselves to blame for our own unhappiness, but we're quick to boast how we found our destiny. Our love. Our joy. All the good.

"For every second that we are angry, we lose a second of happiness."
"Bitterness is a symptom of emotional failure."
"In life, don't always wait for someone to come along and fix whats wrong. Sometimes, you just have to be your own hero/"

To find happiness and balance, we've got to find it in ourselves, by ourselves, accepting full responsibility for our choices, emotions, and actions. To find your place in this world, you've got to pick your path all on your own. To find a sense of belonging, listen to your heart. Your heart.

To find your way, you've got to get out of your way.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Little Miss...

I've got this overwhelming urge to organize something, probably because my life is in such disarray at the moment. So, I'm organizing randomness. <--this takes talent, people.

I wish

*I wish the world, including myself, had less of a reliance for material items, and more of a need for emotional satisfaction.

*I wish, sometimes, that I could choose who reads our blog. Not that I want to block people, I wish I could block their assumptions though.

*I wish I wouldn't wait until I'm absolutely down and beaten, to remind myself that it's easier to be optimistic.

*I wish there was a way to decline kindness, without offending or hurting.

*I wish I could see the world through my kids' eyes.

*I wish more people would realize that it's the season to give, and not the season to gripe.

*I wish I could swoop up every hurting child in the world, and mother the heck out of them.

I've learned:

*I've learned that... "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves."

*I've learned that I make mistakes, and no matter how much I cry about them, they'll probably happen again.

*I've learned that when people have a void, they usually fill it with all of the wrong things, rather than seeking self worth.

*I've realized that I lack confidence in myself, and guilt trip myself as often as possible, to somehow make me feel better.

*I've learned that music heals faster than anything else.

I need to remember:

*I need to remember that most people, regardless of their actual action, have good intentions in mind.

*I need to remember that no matter what, I only have control over my reactions and emotions.

*I need to remember that I am right where I'm supposed to be, or God wouldn't have let the doors open.

New findings and musings:

*You're never too old to need your daddy.

*Tuesdays aren't nearly as bad as I always thought. In fact, they are right up there with Fridays in my book...all of a sudden.

*Bitterness in contagious. Fight it with immune boosters including but not limited to: optimism, 'thank you's', positive energy, the ability to walk away.

*Every girl needs a pile of good girlfriends.

*There is very little that cannot be cured with a flat iron and a glass of wine.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

PS- My latest favorite tune, brought to you by Sugarland: (In case Sugarland makes your ears bleed, please see lyrics posted below video)



Little Miss down on love,
Little Miss I give up,
Little Miss I'll get tough, don't you worry 'bout me anymore

Little Miss checkered dress,
Little Miss one big mess,
Little Miss I'll take less when I always knew so much more

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win,
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
It'll be alright again, it'll be alright again

I'm okay, It'll be alright again, I'm okay (okay) It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Little Miss do your best,
Little Miss never rest,
Little Miss, be my guest, I'll make more anytime it runs out

Little Miss you'll go far,
Little Miss hide your scars,
Little Miss who you are is so much more than you like to talk about

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win,
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
It'll be alright again, it'll be alright again,
I'm okay, It'll be alright again, I'm okay (okay) It'll be alright again, I'm okay

Hold on, hold on, you are loved, are loved

Little Miss brand new start,
Little Miss do your part,
Little Miss big ole heart beats wide open, she's ready now for love

It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose 'til ya win,
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright,
It'll be alright again, it'll be alright again
I'm okay, It'll be alright again, I'm okay (okay) It'll be alright again, I'm okay,
It'll be alright again

Random Discussions (RD): Part I

I have only a few things up in this head of mine, and rather than creating and overwhelming you with an entire post of my scattered thoughts, I'm going to whine about only three of them. Please read, and discuss. It's like homework, only more like therapy. And I'm getting the therapy from you guys for free.

Point 1:

I miss my friends.

I mean, I've still got all of them for the most part. Heck, I've got one girl back in my life from *gulp* 20 years ago, thanks to the book of face! The rest of them are scattered all over the state of Wyoming, and some others in different parts of the country. The point really isn't that I don't have any friends, because my friends are amazing, and still part of my daily life.

BUT. I miss having friends that are five seconds away should there be a friend disaster, an immediate excuse for a good time, or just to meet for a quick bite at the last minute. It's part of the repercussions of me moving away, and I was fully prepared for it...I think. I'm actually fine, until the feeling of loneliness sneaks up from behind. Example: I was at the bar the other night with my favorite man, hanging with some really cool people...and I realized that I missed SORELY the friends that would normally be there with me. There are two of you, in particular, that would have seen me from across the bar, and known by the look on my face what I was thinking, what I wanted to drink, and exactly what song I was thinking we needed to dance to. Le Sigh. I know it will come in good time, and I still had a blast, but I miss you.

Conclusion: I still have friends that are a mere phone call away. I still have friends that are actively part of my daily life, via phone, Facebook, text message, picture message, or even within an hour's drive. I'll make new friends, sure enough. I've got a good habit of that. And no matter how far away I move, or how close I am in vicinity to them, loneliness will always join me occasionally.

Point 2:

Weddings.

This is not about my past marriage, my next marriage, or my lack of marriage. This is just in general. Ah hem.

I love being friends with blushing, gushing brides. I've never been one to get envious, or feel that "always a bridesmaid, never a bride." feeling. I have, however, stood behind one or two, and noticed a few things.

#1. People take for granted how much time, effort, and lack of sleep goes in to these things.
#2. People have a terrible habit of making them about them, and not the bride and groom.
#3. You only get cake if you play nice. So stop playing not nice.

Conclusion: Planning them, is MUCH bigger than any of them expect. And while they think, or even tell you that they don't need your help, they're lying. They usually feel like they're absolutely drowning in their own bliss, and true that it may be that it IS bliss, and that they want to do it all themselves to make sure it gets done right, they're extremely overwhelmed. If all you do is sit and watch them make things happen, you're going to see some peace come in to the picture.

If you're in the wedding party, if you're related to the bride or groom, or if you're a best friend that's just getting a front row seat...it is your absolute DUTY to make sure that day goes off without a hitch (well...one hitch, get it, get it?!). You're there to support that love, you're there to comfort them, and you're supposed to be there for them every second of the planning stages, regardless of how "not a big deal" you think each step is, or how disconnected you think you are from the planning, or even how Bridezilla she's actually getting. I mean hi, she's dropping at least $6000, just to put on a show for YOU people to watch her take the next step. You do realize that your ticket to the show is free, right? Pamper the hell out of her.

Conclusion Part 2: I'm never planning a wedding.

Point 3:

I want to do everything.

I want to have a job doing Facebook. I want to waitress. I want to ride and train horses. I want to work in a retail store. I want to teach English. I want to work with special needs children. I want to be a vet. And it really bothers me that because I've changed rank in my "title" or pay, that people are assuming I'm settling for less than I deserve, or making poor choices.

Conclusion: I can't be everything, but there is absolutely nothing stopping me from trying everything once.

So, there you go. A massive rant about Things. I need therapy.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Dear Facebook "Friends"...

I hate to beg, I do. But I'm going to anyway. Like a kid in a candy store. If I need to take my kid in to a candy store and prove to you how intense my begging is, I will. I'm desperate people, pay attention!

We all consider the number of Facebook friends we've got to be some sort of trophy. Some are proud of their insanely high numbers of friends (Congratulations, you're either very popular, have a complex about not being popular at all, or accept friend requests from every single creepy, fat, lonely internet gamer out there.). Some are proud to have very few, only their closest and most trustworthy. Some are a mix of both, and create OCD lists to sort them out, and hide the idiots (I commend you, really, I do.)

My plea:

Dear Facebook Friends,

*Please do not only request to be my friend, to spam me with your business, blog, or Twitter feed that you never respond to.

*Please do not friend me, simply to spy on me...for yourself, or your other friends, my ex boyfriend, etc.

*Please do not friend me if you log on to Facebook three times/year. You're boring. And I'll see you at our High School reunion.

*Please do not request to be my friend, if you're an angry past-friend, or family member, who only has the intention of calling me names, bashing my page, or gossiping about it.

*Please do not request to be my friend if you're only going to post quotes, lyrics, and cryptic messages.

*Please do not request to be my friend, if you should actually beg me to follow you on Twitter instead. (This means you, you one-word-status folks) <--"Drivin", "Friday", "Fishin'" -->Don't care.

*Please do not friend me if you have an inability to punctuate, spell, and have decent grammar. Perfection; not required.

*Please do not request to be my friend if Facebook is more of a friend than you plan on being. Example: If something huge, tragic, epic, insane, sad, etc., happens in your life...text your friends first, THEN tell Facebook about it.

*Please do not have a presence on Facebook if it's not you at all. If your page is full of falsehoods, I'd rather know the real you...good or bad.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

Oh, PS!...while this blog is purely for the fun, it's also a lot of truth, topped with whipped cream, and pretty colored sprinkles. And? Breaking these rules could possibly get you unfriended in a hellova hurry. Muah!

♫ Random Monday 4-19-10

We aren't forgetting about our blog. Actually, we're just showing off our slacking abilities this month. Aren't you proud?!

Random Monday!

*I can't wait for summertime. Which, thanks to a friendly reminder, is officially the theme of this blog.

*List of things on my summer to-do list:

-margarita's
-concerts
-a fantastic get away with my daddy
-a vacation with Brandon, something we're making a tradition. OMG GUYS MY FIRST TRADITION!
-ride in a big red truck, thanks to the power of bribery. ;)
-Horses. Somehow, some way, horses will come back in to my life this summer.
-the epic battle of yay kindergarten or nay kindergarten
-the best looking Nomz yet. True story, I'm gonna look amazing by summer.
-high hopes for at least one random road trip with a certain soul charger.


*Notice Sazaran's absence? She hates you.

*Not really. She's actually slaving at being amazing at something, something that you should all fan immediately: Sarah Michal

*It really bugs me when people gossip. Officially. Like, it's ok to talk to your close friends about random things about other people, but to talk to somebody else's friends about them? Not so much. People find out that way, and people get hurt that way.

*It bugs me that at the age of 26, I still have no clue what I want to do with myself. In a way, I hope I never completely figure it out.

*I'm working on trying not to focus on the doom, gloom, and negative things that are trying to rain right now, and refocusing on the people that matter most, the relationships that are actually healthy, and the friends that are true. I am surrounded by the most amazing group of friends, mama's, family, guy, and blog readers that a girl could ever ask for...something that will make even the worst storm; survivable.

*I do love pizza. All the time. It's totally my kryptonite.

*A funny song, that we all sing sometimes. Admit it:



A few of my favorite lyrics from it:

I haven't been to church since I don't remember when
Things were going great til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can't go hatin' others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin' down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I'd like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you're flyin' high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you

***fine print: I wouldn't actually wish any of this on anybody for REAL.

*On that note...



Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Sometimes, quotes say it best.

There are days, that quotes are how I make it through. There are days, that no matter how well I can write, quotes say it better. And there are more days that I am grateful for the people that pass them on to me, than for the words themselves. ♥

"Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands."

"We all lose friends.. we lose them in death, to distance and over time. But even though they may be lost, hope is not. The key is to keep them in your heart, and when the time is right, you can pick up the friendship right where you left off. Even the lost find their way home when you leave the light on." - Amy Marie Walz

“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” – Seneca

“It’s weird, you know the end of something great is coming, but you want to hold on, just one more second, just so it can hurt a little more.” Unknown

"A true friend advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably."

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Keep the Fire

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. -St. Augustine

Relationships 101, from a complete amateur.

Well not really, I've had my fair share. But I'm young. I'm inexperienced in having one for more than five years of time. And I've had several failures.

On the other hand, I've lived through more in my lifespan than most people my age, so maybe I've got something valuable to say. So, you could choose to close the window right now and think I'm wasting your time, or you could give me a listen just to kill a few minutes of your day and risk getting something out of it.

Relationships take work.

Work that isn't always fun. It's a lot of give and take, and give usually wins. Compromise is hard. It's also often assumed that a compromise means them giving in to your request, rather than meeting in the middle.

Example #1: If you're fighting over how much time he's got for you, rather than begging him to make more time for you in your space, find a way to do something together.

Example #2: If you're fighting over money every single month, rather than having the same fight every single month...work out a budget together that has little room for extra spending, or make the compromise that you're finances are better separated and privately handled. If there is only one person in the home making the money, have them set aside your 'allowance'. That allowance, and what you spend it on every month, cannot be up for discussion because it's completely yours. It sound childish, but its' success has been proven.

Example #3: If you need more attention, give more attention. Honestly? If somebody offers to rub my back, spoils me rotten, and compliments me more often than not, it's going to be really hard for me NOT to retaliate with the same level of romance and attention.

For the following to apply to you, you have to be A) married, B) in a serious relationship, C) dating, or D) in no relationship at all.

#1. Get alone time. It's really important to stretch your legs a bit by finding some independence and time to yourself. It's also really vital that you have time with a group of friends in a setting where you're not a couple all the time. Let him have his guy time, while you get your girl time.

#2. Make sure you surround yourself by people that encourage you. Your friends, your mate, etc., need to be positive. The more negative energy you have in your life, the more you'll poison your relationships from the inside out. You'll get resentful and needy, like a plant that doesn't get enough sunlight. You'll wilt, and so will your relationship.

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. ~Leo Buscaglia

#3. Don't pretend everything is ok all of the time. All relationships have problems. All of them. And pretending otherwise is only lying to yourselves. I don't believe in soul mates. I think you find somebody to love, and keep them by loving them more. Sometimes, things don't work, sometimes things fall apart, but it's not because the one is out there waiting for you.

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. ~Dinah Shore

#4. I've said it a 100 times on this blog...if you're not happy with yourself, you're never going to find satisfaction or fulfillment in any relationships. My parents reinforced this as soon as I was able to think about boys, and I didn't learn the lesson until I was really unhappy in every relationship. Take your guy/girl out of the picture completely in your mind, and see what you've got left.

Is this guy singing your heart?



If so, only YOU can start fixing it: Exercise, eat right, look good for YOU, get out with a positive group of friends often, find a few hobbies without your partner, spoil them rotten even when it hurts to do so, and the fire will stay lit. So I've heard, anyway. Just because I'm not old, doesn't mean I don't have old friends.

Oh yeah, and read this article:

Toxic Relationships. It'll help you evaluate yours, to decide if you're in a relationship or friendship with somebody toxic.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

The picture at the top of this blog came from a really neat website. You've GOT to check out some of their prints Deviant Art

♫ I Love my Toads

In a strange mood today.

I think im overwhelmed. That’s a good word for it. Not so much with my life, but with everybody else’s.

#1. Jealousy is coming out to play for the first time ever, and I don’t like it shoving it’s ugly rear in my face. I hate how it’s on the list of uncontrollable emotions. This isn’t about material items, this is the emotional kind. The kind that pushes buttons all on its own. The kind that brings out your evil imagination to play and convince you that whatever your biggest fear is, may actually come true. Things like, you’re not good enough, or she’s better, or she is going to be the rain on your parade no matter how pretty your float. oh hai self doubt, please go away.

#2. Three of my best friends are moving in separate directions, all at the same time.

My bestest best friend, moved last fall. I miss her like crazy, but have surprisingly, survived.

The rest of them:

The best sister in the world has decided to move to Laramie to persue school. I am behind her alllll the way, you can call me her biggest fan, waving the big ugly "You’re number 1!" foam finger in the front row, it just sucks.

My best bloggess friend, former co-worker, and biggest inspiration, Sarah, is moving home to Idaho. Every time she talks about it, I tear up. Im attached to her, and her little boy, like they were mine all mine.

My new co-worker friend has the coolest hair ever, massive amounts of talent, and a way of listening and relating, like nobody’s business. This chick is going places. And in a hurry. She’s moving to Illinois this weekend to get her masters degree. Once again, I am the obnoxious biggest fan, but oh so heavy hearted.

I feel selfish, but it hurts to lose so many people, all at the same time. Ok, not lose. It’s not like they’re up and croaking or anything...but they are hopping. Frogs either way. All of you. Toads even. Im gonna miss you like mad. And if I could find a way, I’d split myself in four different directions and follow you.

Life really is good for me right now. I don’t want to sound like I need a pity party. I just needed to vent. I love my toads. And I cant wait to see you succeed.

Yours Truly,
Nomz