Friday, August 27, 2010

♫ Dear Facebook "Friends"...



I hate to beg, I do. But I'm going to anyway. Like a kid in a candy store. If I need to take my kid in to a candy store and prove to you how intense my begging is, I will. I'm desperate people, pay attention!

We all consider the number of Facebook friends we've got to be some sort of trophy. Some are proud of their insanely high numbers of friends (Congratulations, you're either very popular, have a complex about not being popular at all, or accept friend requests from every single creepy, fat, lonely internet gamer out there.). Some are proud to have very few, only their closest and most trustworthy. Some are a mix of both, and create OCD lists to sort them out, and hide the idiots (I commend you, really, I do.)

My plea:

Dear Facebook Friends,

*Please do not only request to be my friend, to spam me with your business, blog, or Twitter feed that you never respond to.

*Please do not friend me, simply to spy on me...for yourself, or your other friends, my ex boyfriend, etc.

*Please do not friend me if you log on to Facebook three times/year. You're boring. And I'll see you at our High School reunion.

*Please do not request to be my friend, if you're an angry past-friend, or family member, who only has the intention of calling me names, bashing my page, or gossiping about it.

*Please do not request to be my friend if you're only going to post quotes, lyrics, and cryptic messages.

*Please do not request to be my friend, if you should actually beg me to follow you on Twitter instead. (This means you, you one-word-status folks) <--"Drivin", "Friday", "Fishin'" -->Don't care.

*Please do not friend me if you have an inability to punctuate, spell, and have decent grammar. Perfection; not required.

*Please do not request to be my friend if Facebook is more of a friend than you plan on being. Example: If something huge, tragic, epic, insane, sad, etc., happens in your life...text your friends first, THEN tell Facebook about it.

*Please do not have a presence on Facebook if it's not you at all. If your page is full of falsehoods, I'd rather know the real you...good or bad.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

Oh, PS!...while this blog is purely for the fun, it's also a lot of truth, topped with whipped cream, and pretty colored sprinkles. And? Breaking these rules could possibly get you unfriended in a hellova hurry. Muah!

4 comments:

Lover of your BLOG! said...

Okay - whew!

I went through your 'whether I should be a friend or not' Facebook friend checklist. I read each and everyone of them VERY CAREFULLY. I do believe I'm still worthy of your friendship.

So there! You cannot get rid of me yet.

Anonymous said...

WOW. Heavy Blog, Like Lover of your Blog I went through the list to make sure I should still be. But in the end I decided good or bad your stuck with me, and the rest of us in paridise. hahahahahahahaa Bad spelling and all.
Hugs and Love ya Big.
CJ

Anonymous said...

I need a list of things you do want me to do as a friend on Facebook. I'm all paranoid I'm doing it all wrong now.

Candy said...

LOL... I absolutely love this Naomi! It's very true with one exception...

*Please do not request to be my friend if Facebook is more of a friend than you plan on being. Example: If something huge, tragic, epic, insane, sad, etc., happens in your life...text your friends first, THEN tell Facebook about it.

Ok, so if something huge, tragic, epic, insane, sad, etc happens to a friend, shouldn't a PHONE CALL be required rather than a TEXT?! I guess it's better than reading about it first on Facebook ;)

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