♫ I'm going to divorce Brandon.

Oh gosh people, stop looking at me like that. I can't divorce a guy I'm not married to. But IF we were to ever get married, and IF Eva Mendes showed up at our doorstep begging for his companionship, I'd gladly walk away. That's our deal. He has an "out", somebody he can leave me for without any hard feelings. Mine? Oooooh hoho, ladies and gents, mine is Gerard Butler (right?!).

And thennnn, whilst coming up with these words, I found this picture: (please refrain from licking your monitor, ok?)



Post drooling, I'd love to know if you and yours have discussed such madness. Would you leave your guy/gal for a celebrity? If so, who?

In my opinion...you can't really, truly, successfully love somebody until you can admit and love your own shortcomings. I know I'm gorgeous and loveable without the perfect skin and bouncy chest. ;) It's important to be able to openly discuss what you feel are your weaknesses are, and be able to joke about them. He's going to love you anyway ladies, as long as your secure in who you are without his approval. So, lovlies, lust away at your favorite actor/actress, laugh at the unfathomable, and love yourself first. Enjoy the bliss of imperfections!

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Crave what you've lost?

So there I was, laying in bed at 10pm, listening to Brandon in the tractor about a mile away, doing everything he could to get his work done before the weather turned. We had just spat about how I feel like a needy girl, and act accordingly. And I remembered that aside from his charm, his good looks, his funny jokes, his low brow comedy, and his ability to dance my feet off...I fell in love with his character. His ability to put all things aside to make sure the work got done, with his integrity in tact.

We fall in love with what grabs our heart, sweeps us off our feet, and what makes our insides all swoony.

Common heart-flutterings:

*A man in a suit
*A man in uniform
*A woman cooking
*A woman impregnated
*A man worshiping the God you both love
*A man holding a baby
*A man that knows hard work
*A man covered in hard work
*A man in a kitchen
*A woman with independence
*A man of strength

It's absolutely impossible for me to cover everything, because we're all different. Everybody has something inside of them that makes them go aflutter though, that warms their insides, that makes them yearn for more from somebody, and that indefinitely attracts us to them forever.

Sometimes, we get so lost in the noise of the rest of the world, that we forget the fireworks that created "us". We crave more of each other, but we forget what it's like to give first. We want old fashioned romance, even though we've had it all along. Yeah, yeah...he makes you mad, he doesnt do enough around the house, he doesnt say the right things...but does he still come home in that uniform that you fell in love with? Does he still know exactly where to kiss you when he wants a little something-something? I thought so.

We don't lose each other usually...we lose ourselves. We get comfortable, and crave more, instead of being thankful for exactly what we've got.

Why'd he fall in love with you? Find that again...and you'll have him straight back into your arms.

With love,
Nomz

PS. The last time my heart soared, it was actually caught on camera, thanks to Ardent Photography. Thus, why it's going in a frame, and looked at every time I think I need more from him...and then I'm slapping myself.

Do YOU have any pictures you need to dust off?

♫ Introducing: Sanctus Real

I'm out of touch with this genre, I'll admit it I want to introduce the blog, and my readers to Sanctus Real. These two are both about relationships. I really think the first one applies to older, mature, difficult, aged relationships. The second, young relationships, or those searching for them.

Read them slowly. Listen to them twice.



Lead Me by Sanctus Real

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone




Dear Heart by Sanctus Real

Dear Heart, do you belong to me, or do I belong to you?
Just look at all the trouble you drag me into.
I've heard it said to follow your heart,
But I'm starting to wonder if it's gone too far.

Oh Heart, you've let me down,
Chasing love where it can't be found.
Heart, we've fallen out,
Cause all of your emotions
Have led me to doubt. Tell me who's gonna save us now?

Dear Heart, you're in the wrong place,
Looking out for yourself no matter what I say.
And I know that you're holding me back,
And it's time for a change, so I'm giving you away.

Heart, you've let me down,
Chasing love where it can't be found.
And Heart, we've fallen out,
Cause all of your emotions
Have led me to doubt. Only Jesus can save us now.

♫ I'll admit it, I'm somtimes a control freak

I gripe a lot about my life. Not always to other people, just in my head. Especially in the shower. Which turns in to griping about other people a lot. In my head again, mostly.

I'm not unhappy, just to clarify. There are just times that certain people really close to me, or close to the girls, or in my family...do things differently than I would have done them. Or treated somebody in a way that I find hurtful or wrong. And it creates inner turmoil. I'm finding that I don't handle conflict very well. And instead of solving it, will fight it out in my head and judge others for the way they are handling the conflict.

And then...then I read my Facebook or check in with my friends, and find out that somebody's grandma passed away. Or that somebody lost their dog. Or that somebody else is fighting cancer and losing the battle. Or has a son or daughter with a disability. And I realize that no matter how much the people close to me are causing turmoil, I've got a whole lot to be thankful for that they can't ever take away.

I realize that just because in my head in the shower I have a solution to every problem brought to me, that I can't fix every problem that is going on around me.

Turmoil hurts. I want to shake the people that hurt their closest friends or family members silly until they realize that a simple phone call or dinner date with them could fix everything. But I can't. It's not my place in the world to fix everybody else. I can only work on me.

The fact that there is turmoil and chaos will never ever change how much you care and love that person. You might grow apart, things might change, but you can always love them. Pray for them. Wish them well. Oddly enough, it was noted by several friends this week that you should never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It's always possible it's the last chance you'll see them.

"How you treat people is your karma, how you react is yours." You can only control and change and better yourself. Stop worrying about what everybody else is thinking and doing. Even in the shower.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ I've got some construction going on...

I just read through the awesomeness that is our blog, and realized that almost every post I've written lately is in bullet/list form. That is far too organized. I'm going to make a mess of this one, enjoy.

Everything is my life goes exactly as I plan it to. I get everything I want. I'm happy at all times. Life really couldn't be better. I don't need more money, my job is always awesome, and my relationship is perfect. My girls are never naughty, my family is normal, and I don't believe in apologies because nobody is ever wrong. Life is perfect.

oh wait.

None of that is true, actually. In fact, that couldn't have been more inaccurate. But I've been so darn positive lately that I thought I'd make it over-the-top. Did it work?

No? I'm going to tone it down a notch then, and blend in some hard truths.

Bitterness is actually terrified of apologies and harmony. Funny how in certain situations, an apology would fix things immediately, and scare any bitterness that thought about creeping up, away.

Insane how many bridges we're ok with lighting on fire...when we could just close the bridges for construction for as long as it takes all efforts to join in. Let's face it, if a bridge collapses (it happens, it's ok), and if a person is rebuilding that bridge from one end, and the other person isn't working hard on their end, the bridge is never going to get finished, right?

Integrity: n. Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code; unity. If you want to be a leader, a peacemaker, a boss, a parent, a husband, or wife...you can't really lack this trait. Unless you're young. Then you're forgiven. But if you're old, and you act young, you're breaking the rules.

It's too easy to expect perfection. Expecting the best out of somebody is harder, but then you're not setting them up for failure. Excellence is obtainable, perfection is not. Thus, why we worship a God, and not each other.

Is hereby quitting sarcasm for the day.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ A New Frame of Mind

The Soulmate Experience "When someone has a different perspective from yours today, try dropping yours for a moment and finding something valuable in the other perspective."

Here’s the thing. When I look at my girls sometimes, I wonder if I’m a good mom. I’m not looking for handouts, I’m telling you that I have doubts. Like any other normal person. And usually when I start thinking that, I try to think of how I want them to grow up, what I want them to be like when they’re my age. And then I self reflect, and try to figure out how to better myself, for not only their sake but for my own.

So there I was last night, trying to judge myself before I judge others. Deciding, that I need a new perspective. That when I look in the mirror, I don’t like where I’ve been the last few weeks, and I’m going to turn my life in a different direction. Join me:

Got somebody that hurt you?
Me too.

Got a friend that isn’t being nearly the friend that they should be?
Me too.

Got a close friend or family member that isn't doing things exactly how you would do them?
Me too.

Got somebody in your life that goes over the top to impress you, instead of working on themselves?
Me too.

Got a boss or coworker that gets on your last nerve, daily?
Me too.

Got somebody who seems to be making their entire goal to ruin what’s left of you?
Me too.

My new goal: To take the people that hurt me most, annoy me most, irritate me the most, and put myself in their shoes. Realize, that maybe they’re doing it because they love me, miss me, want to be more like me…or maybe, just have such an inner battle going on with all of their own issues, that the only way to escape them, is to drive me up one wall and down the other. I will find a way, some way, to take the people that I dislike most…and love them more. Appreciate something about them. Or be thankful for something they’ve done.

Sometimes, you do have to move on. Sometimes, you do have to let people go. But try to make it a good ending on your end. Never burn a bridge you may want to cross again someday.

A pretty song…almost certain it is about losing somebody. I took the chorus as a personal conversation between me and God, but take it how you want:



Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Men Will Be Men

Your attention please! Fine print: The picture above may or may not represent the average man. It was simply put there to capture your attention long enough to get you here to read something BY a man. TaDa!

You may have read my completely awesome post about how Girls Will Be Girls. It was mildly hilarious, totally entertaining, and 100% truth. Read it here if you'd like! Girls Will Be Girls.

That link should open a new window for you, so you can click right back to this one! Brilliant bloggers=we iz them.

One of our readers, a man I'm safely assuming, left a comment. And it rocked so hard I'm posting it as it's own blog. Little did you know, anonymous commenters, that you might be ghost blogs, eh?.

I'm still completely clueless who this was, but OH how I love thee.

Men Will be Men

*We love you, even when we forget to say it.
*We love sports, the outdoors, and bigger, more powerful (every) things.
*Having sex IS saying I love you.
*We forget. Every. Little. Thing.
*We like war, sports, blood & gore & action movies, and will never admit to crying at chick flicks.
*We will burp and fart at the most inopportune times.
*We'll always drive faster, better (in our own minds), to make up for the time waiting for you - even if we get lost getting there.
*We brag about you to our friends & co-workers, even if we forget to do it in front of you.
*We will forgive AND forget.
*We adore you.
*We'll protect you, and our babies.
*We can't live without you.
*We love you. Always. Forever.

I hope I can remember this tomorrow...

A man.

♫ Random Monday 4-12-10

Let it begin, let it begin!.

Have you ever seen Bolt? Brandon bought it for my girls last year and we've watched it so many times I've got every one of those cute little hamster lines memorized. On to the randomness...

*Do we run our life, or does it run us?

*It occurred to me this weekend that I'm in a relationship with amazing communication. It's one of those things that you don't appreciate, until you need it. #2 on the list of Why We Rock, is our ability to compromise. Coming from two of the most hard headed people on the planet, that's sort of a big deal.

*It's funny the order that your brain recognizes things. Example:
-Oh hey there's a convertible. Weird that there is a black sheet behind it.
-Oh HEY, a REAL fan!
-OHMYGOSH WE CAN GET OUR PICTURES TAKEN IN THE CONVERTIBLE WITH OUR HAIR BLOWING.

*I'm not sure that I'll ever get chikin'd out. spelling error intentional

*My girls continue to amaze me. Kyanne went from playful to completely observant overnight. That whole "Children are like wet cement. Whatever falls on them makes an impression." thing? Officially applies to four year old's. Probably all year old's, but especially them. Leyna is the most insightful three year old I've ever met. The other day she told me "Mamma, because I live with you, I'm going to be like you." ... That, and "I'm so proud of you for spending money on me, mamma!"

*My friend Amberlee is in the process of making the CUTEST BABY EVER, next to mine, of course. And it's her birthday tomorrow. Happy Birthday Beautiful MAMMA!

*I'm going to try and get better at old fashioned mail. Check your mailboxes soon. It's a goal, for 2010. The internet has officially made our friendship efforts lazy. or at least mine. I'm sorry!

*I managed to light a stove on fire this weekend. For the first time ever. And my brain went in to immediate panic-mode. The dog hid, Leyna got really excited and my brain went from:

-PANIC!, because there is a 3 foot flame and a kid in the same room!

to

-Step 1: Turn Stove Off. Step 2: Don't use water just in case. Step 3: Remove pot. Step 4: Blow on it. Step 5: Pat yourself on the back for a short-lived panic.

*I love when businesses get on Facebook AND do it right. Two examples of awesome businesses that are doing it right that I've interacted with this week:

Tokyo Joes and Eat This Not That.

Keyword: interacted. When you post on their wall, a real live person actually responds. Plus, every post they make is actually valuable as a consumer. It's my job, people, bare with my Facebook rants. Dad? Maybe this Thursday? ;)

*I think there are three kinds of people: People that love change, people that hate change, and people that are not good at change but pretend to be.

*I'm naturally horrible before 10am. Every morning.

Picture time!

Things to notice about this old family picture:
-I had BLOND hair.
-My sister had LONG hair. And baggy clothes.
-My brother actually fit on our laps.
-My dad could actually sport the mustache. At least until Super Troopers came out and ruined that look for every single cop out there.
-My mom is buff.



Quote: Love is...

"Love does not envy or boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails"

I heard this at a wedding this weekend, and the pastor (Who made me almost giggle uncontrollably due to his Princess Bride voice), made the whole audience put their own name where Love goes. And it's amazing how much that quote changes, and makes you self reflect. Try it!

Nomz does not envy or boat. Nomz is not proud. Nomz is not rude, self seeking, or easily angered. Nomz keeps no record of wrongs. Nomz does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. Nomz always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Nomz never fails.

How can you expect somebody else, or your love, to do ANY of those things, if you can't seek them in yourself first?

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Girls Will Be Girls

Dear men...we are very reliable, predictable creatures, us girls. And there are certain things we promise you we will always do. Of course we come in different flavors, so each has their own extreme. But please carefully note the following:

*We’ll always have that one friend, or two, that drive you insane. And no matter how much of a frenemy they are, they’ll probably never go away.
*We’ll always be insanely insecure mid-fight. Like, we’re angry at you, but not angry enough to let you think about walking out that door, just in case Jenny McCarthy is waiting on the other side.
*We’ll always like chick-flicks, even if we don’t outwardly admit it.
*We’ll always be tired at the most inopportune times.
*We’ll always keep you waiting. Even the lowest maintenance girl you can find, is going to keep you waiting for an important event.
*We’ll always cry at the most inopportune times.
*We’ll always have that once a month celebration, until we don’t, and then you’ll miss it. Because we get more evil.
*We'll always be independent, and completely indecisive and dependent equally.
*We’ll always nag you. Babe…it’s Wednesday…did you remember?
*We’ll always remember. Everything. Every. Little. Thing.

On the bright side…

*We’ll always laugh at your jokes
*We’ll always make you look good in front of your friends, and especially your family
*We’ll always take care of you. And your babies.
*We’ll always appreciate you, even though we’re not always good at voicing it.
*We’ll always be your best friend, despite the friends in our lives.
*We’ll always be up for anything. Except when we have headaches.
*We’ll always forgive you. Even if we never forget
*We’ll always love you. Once a woman loves, she never lets go.

…because we’re girls. That’s why.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Keep the Fire

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. -St. Augustine

Relationships 101, from a complete amateur.

Well not really, I've had my fair share. But I'm young. I'm inexperienced in having one for more than five years of time. And I've had several failures.

On the other hand, I've lived through more in my lifespan than most people my age, so maybe I've got something valuable to say. So, you could choose to close the window right now and think I'm wasting your time, or you could give me a listen just to kill a few minutes of your day and risk getting something out of it.

Relationships take work.

Work that isn't always fun. It's a lot of give and take, and give usually wins. Compromise is hard. It's also often assumed that a compromise means them giving in to your request, rather than meeting in the middle.

Example #1: If you're fighting over how much time he's got for you, rather than begging him to make more time for you in your space, find a way to do something together.

Example #2: If you're fighting over money every single month, rather than having the same fight every single month...work out a budget together that has little room for extra spending, or make the compromise that you're finances are better separated and privately handled. If there is only one person in the home making the money, have them set aside your 'allowance'. That allowance, and what you spend it on every month, cannot be up for discussion because it's completely yours. It sound childish, but its' success has been proven.

Example #3: If you need more attention, give more attention. Honestly? If somebody offers to rub my back, spoils me rotten, and compliments me more often than not, it's going to be really hard for me NOT to retaliate with the same level of romance and attention.

For the following to apply to you, you have to be A) married, B) in a serious relationship, C) dating, or D) in no relationship at all.

#1. Get alone time. It's really important to stretch your legs a bit by finding some independence and time to yourself. It's also really vital that you have time with a group of friends in a setting where you're not a couple all the time. Let him have his guy time, while you get your girl time.

#2. Make sure you surround yourself by people that encourage you. Your friends, your mate, etc., need to be positive. The more negative energy you have in your life, the more you'll poison your relationships from the inside out. You'll get resentful and needy, like a plant that doesn't get enough sunlight. You'll wilt, and so will your relationship.

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. ~Leo Buscaglia

#3. Don't pretend everything is ok all of the time. All relationships have problems. All of them. And pretending otherwise is only lying to yourselves. I don't believe in soul mates. I think you find somebody to love, and keep them by loving them more. Sometimes, things don't work, sometimes things fall apart, but it's not because the one is out there waiting for you.

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. ~Dinah Shore

#4. I've said it a 100 times on this blog...if you're not happy with yourself, you're never going to find satisfaction or fulfillment in any relationships. My parents reinforced this as soon as I was able to think about boys, and I didn't learn the lesson until I was really unhappy in every relationship. Take your guy/girl out of the picture completely in your mind, and see what you've got left.

Is this guy singing your heart?



If so, only YOU can start fixing it: Exercise, eat right, look good for YOU, get out with a positive group of friends often, find a few hobbies without your partner, spoil them rotten even when it hurts to do so, and the fire will stay lit. So I've heard, anyway. Just because I'm not old, doesn't mean I don't have old friends.

Oh yeah, and read this article:

Toxic Relationships. It'll help you evaluate yours, to decide if you're in a relationship or friendship with somebody toxic.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

The picture at the top of this blog came from a really neat website. You've GOT to check out some of their prints Deviant Art

♫ Random Monday 2-22-10

*I’m not sure why but I’ve got that terrible ”It’s just another Manic Monday…wish it was Sunnnnday song stuck in my head. Not that I’m fighting it, I do with it were still Sunday.

*I got to help a friend move this weekend, which was absolutely exhilarating. I love moving people, watching them start a new place from the very beginning. Like, I got to see the house empty, then box filled, and I’ll get to see it complete. Plus? Free exercise.

*In my opinion? Don't pass up any opportunity put in front of you. If it DOES work, God wanted you to have it. If it doesn't work, God said no. < -- does not apply to sky diving.

*I had an amazing weekend, I think you should know. Why: When my mom rolls out the table for breakfast, she means it. My guy pretty much rocks. My friends make me realize how blessed I am to have them. And it was a shopping, movie, food fest extravaganza, with an ending with just me, my guy, and a cute puppy face in front of the fire.

*I’ve said it everywhere I can say it except here: GO SEE THE BOOK OF ELI. Caution: It’s rated R for a reason, and has some pretty bloody scenes..but its recipe includes: a powerful message, filled with good acting, and baked at 350 degrees for approximately two hours bringing you to a perfect ending.

*If you only joined Twitter to follow one person, read all their updates, and that’s it? #youredoingitwrong.

*Please read my co-blogger’s, who looks fantastic in green by the way, Random Monday blog, to see what all I’m up to tomorrow night, and on October 10th. Tuesday!

*Relationships are hard. If they were easy, they’d just be called “sex”.

*Music Time! If we’re friends on Facebook, you’ve seen the posts. I’ve probably emailed it to you, if we’re in email contact. If I haven’t, watch it NOW. This video was originally done by a bunch of celebrities, and was redone recently by a group in Colorado (the third singer, is my soon-to-be-famous friend Isaac). WATCH IT PEOPLE.



*Quote: "Just because breasts are sometimes used in a sexual way, does not mean that the simple act of feeding a baby with them is gross or disgusting. Your mouth can also be used in a sexual way, but you still flap it freely in public."

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Long Distance Relationships: Make Them Work

To say that long distance relationships are hard, would be an understatement. Anybody that’s been in one would agree. And, statistics show, that most of them don’t work out. There’s a quote that goes something like ”Absence makes the heart grow fonder…or wander.”. Whoever said that, had a point. Because you’ll either stay strong enough to make it work, or get so exhausted from trying.

I need to clarify my “long distance”. Coincidentally, both of mine had the same distance; approximately 90 miles. I have no idea what it’s like to have somebody you love across the world, or even states away. I feel for you. So when I say long, it’s considerably shorter than most.

I’m in my second long distance relationship ever. This isn’t my first rodeo. Similar to rodeos though, I’m afraid of climbing back in to the saddle. Wondering, if we’ll survive the ride.

Some background:

My first love, was my high school sweetheart. We met on a ranch. We trained horses together, worked with kids through the summer, and fell in love. In three months. Uh huh. Being all crazy in love, we managed to find time to see each other almost every weekend, talk each other to sleep every night, hit every school dance together, etc. We thought it was forever. Promise rings were busted out, happily ever after was discussed. Two years after our first meeting, he moved to the same town. He lived in his own apartment, but we saw each other nonstop. Things changed dramatically. We lasted another six months before we realized we were completely different people. It was heart wrenching.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified of a repeat.

My current love lives the same distance away. 90 miles. I see him every weekend, sometimes we make mid-week adventures, and we’ve had a few get-away’s. We’ve been together for a little over a year, and I can feel it coming...that need for the next step. I’m excited about the next step, but so afraid, thanks to past experiences, that one little change will flip this relationship inside out.

That’s background on this blog. I don’t really want to discuss either of those relationships any further. Let’s talk Long Distance. The strong points, the benefits, the drawbacks, etc.

The Benefits of Long Distance Relationships

*Space

Thanks to several miles, and a primarily weekend-only relationship, you get four days a week to have space. To be yourself. To live in your own home. You get a social life outside of the relationship. You have less chances of disappearing completely in to a relationship. You have no choice but to take things slow, and let things grow on their own.

*Trust

You don’t have a choice but to trust your partner completely and whole heartedly. That trust grows such a strong bond, that once you’re no longer long distance, you’ve got such a trust with one another that there’s never a worry. It forces you to assume the best while you’re away from each other for 65% of the time.

*The Build-Up, the Excitement

Thanks to anticipation of seeing each other all week, Fridays can’t come soon enough. You actually get that whole ”I can’t wait to leap in to your arms and stay there for a good ten minutes” feeling, every single week. It never goes away. There is something absolutely thrilling about long distance love, because it feels like a first date every weekend.

The SUCK of Long Distance Relationships

*Time Management

When you commit to a relationship that is Friday-Sunday only, it gets really hard to manage friend time, kid time, family time, AND one on one time in a three day time period. You’ve got to make an entire relationship that most people get to work hard at every day, in to three days. It’s hard to fit everybody in, keep everybody happy, make everybody understand why you’re not always around on the weekend, AND make things work with your partner.

*Next-Step-Pressure

As with any relationship, the pressure of when and how to take the next step is difficult. Making the choice to move closer, or IN together, is a tough, tough decision. It’s a little bit scary to think about the idea of seeing somebody for two days a week, to seeing them 24 hours a day. You don’t have a place to run away to if you find out they’re crazy. You might find that their bad habits are much more prominent during the week. You never really know. With a relationship in the same town, you generally get the idea of what they do 7 days a week. It’s so hard to make the call to turn what you’ve got, a completely different direction, and trust it doesn’t go belly up.

I really do love what I’ve got right now, and I know that in time everything will fall in to place when it needs to. I also know I’m not alone in this battle. For those of you in one, know that you’re doing the best you can. You’re not alone in those late night phone conversations, the missing somebody so much your body actually aches, the battling of your friends and family for time management, etc. Remember that no matter how much you want that special someone to be number one in your life, you cant leave the rest of your life behind you for them either. It takes a strong person to handle long distance. If you’ve got what it takes and you make it work, your relationship will be better for it.

I’m curious, anybody else have experience with long distance relationships? Care to share your thoughts?



Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Can't Kiss Everything Better

I hate fighting. I’m not talking about the cute let’s pretend fight, because it’s fun to argue, and decide who wins this stellar argument over rock, paper, scissors. I mean the real kind too. The kind where you throw stuff, and yell, and get angry, and hate him for a few hours, and then feel terrible afterwards. The kind that starts off the movie P.S. I Love You so well. The kind where you begin to worry where you’re going to sleep that night, because it’s that bad.

But.

As much as I hate fighting, I hate not fighting even more. I’ve been in enough relationships to know that not fighting, gives me so much inner turmoil. There are only so many things that you can let go before they catch up to you. It’s like heartburn, only worse, because you can’t describe the feeling, or make it better. They don't make tums for inner turmoil yet. I'm emailing the labs though, please hold.

I love that I have a fighter. We actually get made fun of quite often for how much we argue. Mostly it’s the annoyingly adorable fights, but we have the real ones too. And we’re good at it. It’s amazing the relief when it’s actually cleared out of our systems though.

Confession:

I am a passionate person, and I have a temper. It’s actually pretty hard to find. It’s buried deeeeeeep. When it comes out to play though, it does not play well with others. I’ve learned some things to better our arguments. Sometimes, you have to agree to disagree. More often, you have to compromise and it sucks. The most important thing though, is to breathe. It’s better to take a self-check and think about what you’re emotional or angry about, before actually getting to that boiling point. Steps to survive, and not end up sleeping in the bathtub.

#1. Agree from the very beginning that you will not go to bed angry. I always thought that rule was junk, until I did go to bed angry. And slept angry. And woke up angry. Nope, fight until morning if you have to.

#2. It’s ok to take time to breathe. Sit there in the awkward heavy silence, leave the room, take a drive, take a walk. Breathe. Practicing breathing when you’re angry, concentrating on breathing, actually clears your head and gives you straight thoughts to decide if you really should be angry, of if there is another underlying issue. It’s kind of like…when a baby is crying uncontrollably, sometimes you have to just let him cry it out. You have to walk away before you hurt them. Well…we grow out of that lesson, apparently. Walk Away. Cry it out….instead of strangling the other person. Amazing how it works.

#3. Give them their turn to speak. This one is still my weak point. In arguments, when he’s talking…I’m either shoving my point out of my mouth so fast it drowns him out, OR I’m thinking so hard on what I’m going to say, that I’m not hearing his point. The only way to ever reach a compromise, is understanding their stupid point of view too. ;)

#4. Never yell. It’s hard, in the heat of passion. But it’s one of my favorite rules between him and I…and even between me and my kids. There is nothing that you need to say, that needs to come out IN CAPS LOCKS VOICE. You can talk everything out calmly, and if you can’t, you’re not ready to discuss it anyway.

Of course there are more rules than this. And no relationship is perfect. But this is a really good start to going the distance, healthily.

Want proof that arguing really does help? Read this: The Bad Habit That's Good For You Give it a minute, it'll take a bit for the page to load.

Curious, what works for you in arguments?

Yours Truly,
Nomz