Wednesday, March 10, 2010

♫ Keep the Fire

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. -St. Augustine

Relationships 101, from a complete amateur.

Well not really, I've had my fair share. But I'm young. I'm inexperienced in having one for more than five years of time. And I've had several failures.

On the other hand, I've lived through more in my lifespan than most people my age, so maybe I've got something valuable to say. So, you could choose to close the window right now and think I'm wasting your time, or you could give me a listen just to kill a few minutes of your day and risk getting something out of it.

Relationships take work.

Work that isn't always fun. It's a lot of give and take, and give usually wins. Compromise is hard. It's also often assumed that a compromise means them giving in to your request, rather than meeting in the middle.

Example #1: If you're fighting over how much time he's got for you, rather than begging him to make more time for you in your space, find a way to do something together.

Example #2: If you're fighting over money every single month, rather than having the same fight every single out a budget together that has little room for extra spending, or make the compromise that you're finances are better separated and privately handled. If there is only one person in the home making the money, have them set aside your 'allowance'. That allowance, and what you spend it on every month, cannot be up for discussion because it's completely yours. It sound childish, but its' success has been proven.

Example #3: If you need more attention, give more attention. Honestly? If somebody offers to rub my back, spoils me rotten, and compliments me more often than not, it's going to be really hard for me NOT to retaliate with the same level of romance and attention.

For the following to apply to you, you have to be A) married, B) in a serious relationship, C) dating, or D) in no relationship at all.

#1. Get alone time. It's really important to stretch your legs a bit by finding some independence and time to yourself. It's also really vital that you have time with a group of friends in a setting where you're not a couple all the time. Let him have his guy time, while you get your girl time.

#2. Make sure you surround yourself by people that encourage you. Your friends, your mate, etc., need to be positive. The more negative energy you have in your life, the more you'll poison your relationships from the inside out. You'll get resentful and needy, like a plant that doesn't get enough sunlight. You'll wilt, and so will your relationship.

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. ~Leo Buscaglia

#3. Don't pretend everything is ok all of the time. All relationships have problems. All of them. And pretending otherwise is only lying to yourselves. I don't believe in soul mates. I think you find somebody to love, and keep them by loving them more. Sometimes, things don't work, sometimes things fall apart, but it's not because the one is out there waiting for you.

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough. ~Dinah Shore

#4. I've said it a 100 times on this blog...if you're not happy with yourself, you're never going to find satisfaction or fulfillment in any relationships. My parents reinforced this as soon as I was able to think about boys, and I didn't learn the lesson until I was really unhappy in every relationship. Take your guy/girl out of the picture completely in your mind, and see what you've got left.

Is this guy singing your heart?

If so, only YOU can start fixing it: Exercise, eat right, look good for YOU, get out with a positive group of friends often, find a few hobbies without your partner, spoil them rotten even when it hurts to do so, and the fire will stay lit. So I've heard, anyway. Just because I'm not old, doesn't mean I don't have old friends.

Oh yeah, and read this article:

Toxic Relationships. It'll help you evaluate yours, to decide if you're in a relationship or friendship with somebody toxic.

Yours Truly,

The picture at the top of this blog came from a really neat website. You've GOT to check out some of their prints Deviant Art


Anonymous said...

So my Nomz is growing up and yes everyone has there soul mate, what some dont relize is how hard it is to keep that soul mate. So as you have met yours and your lives change in more ways then you may want remember"Does this make me happy" and then you will know if it is all worth it. And remember change sometimes hurts but in the end it is worth it good or bad. Promise
From one of your "old" friends.

Lover of your BLOG! said...

Wonderful and inspiring blog girl! I read EVERY single word of it and you have put a lot of time into your words and they are worth the read.

I agree...if you are not happy, do something about it. Look in the mirror for starters. Exercise. Eat right. Look for things to do on your own and with you spouse/boyfriend. Give and give and the other will hopefully give back without being asked.

That is my favorite song...thanks!

Anonymous said...


Thanks for the eye opener. Your words are always inspiring to me. You gave me that push to work off that extra baby tummy from almost a year ago. I agree every relationship is so hard. I'm having a tough time trying to fit in couple time, family time, girl time, and me time. I only get maybe two days with my hubby. Along with everything else. This is an awesome go to, step by step. Thanks so much!


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