Thursday, August 5, 2010

♫ Migraines, Stretch Marks, and Nightmares, Oh My!

Photo by Anne Geddes

Shortly after a fantastic dinner at my parent's house last night (by fantastic, I mean lasagna with two pounds of cheese, yo), I went home...with high hopes to continue packing my belongings to continue towards moving south soon. Shortly after arriving home, and jumping in the bed with the girls, I was hit hard with a migraine. I let the girls demolish their room while I chilled in the dark...wishing it away. I realized that it had been six months since my last migraine. I've tried figuring out what triggers them...stress, not eating right, the weather, the time of year...

....It hit me today.

I haven't had migraines since I gave up soda. And in the last week, I've become re-addicted to Mountain Dew all over again. (I know, I KNOW). Soda pop, my love, we're over. Again. I'll miss you like mad. Especially your in-can-really-cold-version.

It also hit me that I didn't get migraines until I had Leyna. Something about having kids through my whole body outta wack...and most of the symptoms seem to be permanent! The following, is my body rewarding me for having kids.

#1. Dark Hair.

I change my hair often enough that you'd never know it...but I was blond in high school, and post-Kyanne, it turned to brunette allllll on its own.

#2. Extra skin

Dear men...hear me, and hear me well. No matter how many sit-ups we do post-baby, no matter how many diets we go on, and no matter how far we run...that extra skin that grows some 30+" for a few weeks, never fully goes away. Without surgery.

#3. Stretch Marks

A great friend of mine calls these baby tattoo's. Silver marks all over your belly where the skin stretched to unbelievable lengths to carry a baby. Some are lucky to only have a few, some are covered. They never go away...though with the right kind of lotion, oil, or tan, they become less visible over time.

#4. Insane Emotions

Regardless of whether you adopted, had a baby naturally, or the stork happened to land on your porch...your emotions once you get attached to a child get out of control. Your mate will question your ability to hold it together. YOU'LL question your ability to make it through Halmark commercials. Movies like Marley & Me, at least an in-theater experience, are completely off limit.

#5. The need for a lift.

You don't necessarily need larger boobs after having a baby, but you would do anything to have them perk back up, wouldn't you?

#6. The deep fear that something might happen.

Pre-kid, I was fearless. I loved to fly. I didn't mind going upside down on carnival rides. ...these days, you're lucky to get me on a plane. I'm constantly fearing somebody taking my kid everywhere I go. I'm afraid of things. I blame having something worth living for. ;)

Isn't it all worth it though?!

We're having a great discussion about this on Facebook, so make sure you join us (And a big thank you, to all who helped me put this together!): Daily Offensive.

What have I missed?!

Yours Truly,


Anonymous said...

I'll just comment on the soda, since I've yet to have children.

Just SAY NO! Soda is so bad for a person. Weight gain, sugar & additional food cravings arise after drinking a soda, along with teeth rot and so many other things, such as migraines.

Give it up again girl!

Anonymous said...

I don't know if you'll feel better or worse about these things when I say this, but, they happen with or without kids. All of them!

Anonymous said...

Cute dog and chubby 'em!

Nikki said...

hear hear. and i would add to the last one. before i had kids, i fearlessly ran with scissors. i played with matches. i rode motorcycles. i climbed rocks. and sometimes my mother would say (stupid) things like STOP RUNNING WITH SCISSORS, YOU WILL OUT YOUR EYE OUT!!! how silly. no one really puts their eyes off with anything and lets face it, our mothers say that when we run with SPOONS.

now i am a mother. i am convinced that everything is dangerous. spoons do put eyes out. motorcycles are death-traps. climbing mountains? why don't you just ride a motorcycle with burning matches and open scissors and save the grim reaper the trouble!?!?!


Nikki said...

should proof read. but my kids are bugging me :) one paint the others FOOT with toenail polish. so the piggy bank has been emptied and we need to go buy polish remover. WHY!?!?!

Danielle said...

I just love that I can officially say I TOLD YOU SOOOOOOOOOO! bahahahahahaha.

Now I have even MORE reason to yell at your for Mt. Dew! :P

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