Thursday, November 5, 2009

♫Things I Love About Eastern Colorado

Most of the time love, does not actually mean love...when I'm talking about Eastern Colorado.

You know, after a whole six visits or so, I’m fairly unfamiliar with Eastern Colorado. So picking on it, probably isn’t fair. But I’m doing it anyway.

Eastern Colorado is like…the part of Colorado where a state line was drawn on accident. It actually belongs in boring ol’ Kansas, but somebody slipped when drawing the line. That, or they were really determined to make the state square. Either way, if you’re looking for excitement, it’s not the first place I’d check.

Picture this: flat, yellow, weedy, territory. Like…Dances with Wolves, only without the wolf. Or the Indians. Or even Kevin Costner. Yeah, it’s that pretty. But what is there, you ask?? Well, things like:

Truck Pulls.

If you’re a normal blog reader, you’ve seen the pictures, heard me talk about it, etc. I don’t need to go there again. They’re FUN, but they also exist in prettier places.

Iliff, Colorado.

Seriously, there is a road sign that says the “Town of Iliff welcomes you!”. Not only is it confusing because capital “I”’s and lowercase “l”’s look the same (see?!?!?), but how the heck do you say it?! I say it like MILF, only without the M. So it’s even less cool than MILF. If you don’t know what a MILF is…ask your boyfriend. It’s something they teach them at a young age. In a discussion about this fabulous little town (home only to pretty vacant buildings and one peculiarly awesome looking café, rumored to rock the lunch menu), my boyfriend told me it’s said like eye-lif. Which is like Eye Lift, only less cool. Why would you name a town after something less cool than both MILF’s and Eye Lifts?? See my thought process here?!?!

In attempt to give it a chance to earn points in coolness, I googled its history, hoping for some sort of cool background on its less than stellar name, and found this:


I don’t know about you, but I remain unconvinced. No offense to the residents, AND I would love to be proven wrong!

The Loose Caboose

If I remember correctly, this cute little named residence was in Sterling, Colorado. We drove by at approximately 9 miles per hour, long enough for my brain to think: That place should not be a restaurant. If I were to name a place Loose Caboose, it would be a whore house. After a text to one of my favorite girls, her brilliant self told me that a restaurant could be named Loose Caboose, if immediately after digesting said food, your caboose had problems…ah hem.

Veggie Stands

Ok, so this is actually a benefit of Eastern Colorado. They have fresh grown vegetable stands, or mini farmer markets, all over the place. It’s the most color that side of the state ever sees. YUM.

Roadside Bathrooms

They are few and far between, and with little kids, that’s not really an added bonus for me. The last one I was in was ran by a really sweet Oriental couple. They really were sweet, telling me that my kids were adorable. But they charged my cute kids use the bathroom. Not lying.

The Johnston’s

My guy's parent's have a little place out there. It officially has the cutest kitchen I’ve ever seen, they live near a town with the best coffee shop ever, and they’re really amazing people. Worth every bit of Eastern Colorado pain and suffering. They’re like…the silver lining. ;)

Yours Truly,


Lover of your BLOG! said...

Sounds like a fun place to visit...ONCE! (Ok...maybe twice...)

Anonymous said...

Yup. Definitely Kansas. Don't forget Nebraska's western-most county called "Laramie".

Sazaran said...

I'm confused... am I supposed to like this place? Or not? I think I'll stick to the city ;-)

Oh... and the Oriental-charge-you-to-pee people?! Good grief!

Shannon said...

I am with you on the correct pronunciation of funny little towns. Over here there is a small town with the name Opal. Wouldn't you guess that this would be pronounced just like the gemstone? If so, you would be wrong.
Apparently this particular town is pronounced O-pal. Like the word Pal, with an O in front of it. What is that about? Of course I only found this out after saying it incorrectly several times.
Go figure.

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