Tuesday, April 28, 2009

♫ You & Your Man Funk Can Watch Us Walk

Another blog for the gents. Because I never really get tired of talking to you, about you, or for you. I’ve got to say, y’all are upsetting the majority of my girl friends lately, and I don’t really like it. So, some pointers, to help clear my mind a bit, and maybe help everybody out.

Point A: Once a breakup is over, don’t continue to call or text, especially intoxicated, in the middle of the night. Now im sure that alcohol has convinced you that it is a superb idea, and is sure to win us over, but contrary to its awesome opinion, we don’t really think it’s charming. And we’re probably either getting angry, or making fun of you with all our friends. Quiddit. (This is not any of my ex's. If the right guy is reading this you know who you are...please continue to do it. I dare you.)

Point B. If you have, what we all like to call, "man-funk", find a way to get rid of it. Im sorry that we’re pushy about you being clean prior to...umm...mattress dancing, going out, or just hanging out...but really, think about the things you touch all day, and ask yourself if you’d like that stuff, anywhere besides your hands. I know, we’re getting a little risqué here, but give us a break ok? It’s not that we don’t want more of you, we just want only you. NOT your work, not your play. Not only do we ask that you have clean hands (and body), but your man funk seems to be contagious in your car, bedroom, and bathroom. We love ya. We do. And it’s extremely common, Lord knows we’ve all experienced it, and there is nothing to really be ashamed of. Is it really too much to ask for you to clean yourself, and the place where you’d like us to "dance", up a bit?

Of course there are benefits to these type of guys...I mean, there's always awesome treasures in their couch:

Side note to brag a bit: my guy is a rarity, and is awesome about being funk-less at all times. Ha.
Downfall: I never find cool things in his couch.

Point C. We. Need. Romance. We’re not asking you for flowers all the time. Or fancy dinners. Or anything over-the-top. But it would pretty much rock if you remembered special dates, ditched your buddies or the gym just for us, or helped out around the house. As much as we want to your best friend, we’re a little bit more (to coin a term recently brought in to my life) fragile (pronounced fragileeeee). Im not sure that im speaking for all girls here, well I know im not, because Im not generally like this (and at the moment, totally spoiled), but I see the suffering of a lot of my ladies because you forget to blow them kisses, open their doors, get them little things for no reason, appreciate the "mattress dancing" rather than just getting it over with, actually being the one to suggest cuddling, etc.

Funny, that as I was writing this, my "Daily Om" came in (as mentioned in yesterdays blog), telling me that I need to learn independence. So, this blog is taking a bit of a turn to speak to the ladies for a bit.

Yes, we’ve got our peeves, as mentioned up there. And we can hope that the gents actually heed to our requests and advice. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work like that does it? So, a request for you too.

Try to be less dependent, and more independent. It’s like God built us with a need for men. Or at least a companion. And for some odd reason, they don’t seem, or at least show, that they NEED us. That’s probably our biggest gripe in our men right? I think, until we can find complete self satisfaction, we’ll never be in any way satisfied in a relationship. Until we can fulfill our own needs, it’s not really fair of us to ask someone else to try, because we’ll never really be happy. I know odds are against us, but when that guy crosses your path with a drunken phone call, filled with man-funk and degrading names and wrestling moves instead of hugs, find a way to shove him off, and see yourself better off without him in that moment. Im not telling you to break up with that guy, or telling him to beat it, just realize you don’t really need him if he’s not doing everything your pretty little heart desires. He’ll learn pretty quick that you’ll make yourself happy, and either try to move that direction with you, or not. Either way, at the end of the day, you my dear, are all you’ve got.

Yours Truly,


Anonymous said...

Good job Nom! I agree...we need to love ourselves first before we can ask a man to love us. We are way too needy as women...oh for sure! Like you said....'Quiddit' and love ourselves first!

Anonymous said...

hahaha, i think that women today are incredibly too dependent on their men. you have to grow into yourself before you can REALLY meet someone and fall in love. how can someone love you for who you are if you are not yourself? how can you want to change someone...and LOVE THEM at the same time? impossible.

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