Monday, April 20, 2009

♫ I Hate Sunglasses.

I Hate Sunglasses.

I do. I hate everything about them.

Ok, not everything. I hate the following things about them:

#1. I cant see your eyes when you’re talking to me. See, Im a big people-reader. And it drives me absolutely crazy to make any kind of contact with somebody when I cant see their eyes. I get all twitchy, and wont look at you, and can barely stutter out a conversation.

I know people love sunglasses. I understand why too. Im not asking you to change this stylish, healthy, love, im just asking you not to get offended when I start twitching and stuttering like an idiot. My bubble grows too. I’ll probably back off a few steps.

We all have figured out already, that nomz is strange right? But if I wasn’t unique (because it’s a much nicer way of pointing out my flaws), you’d probably be bored, or at least less humored.

#2. They touch my eyelashes.

I love my eyelashes. They’re naturally fake-looking. They’re probably my favorite thing about my face. Except when it comes to me trying to be pro-active in saving my eyes. That’s the weirdest sensation. Every time you blink (which happens a lot outside because your eyes have a tendency to dry out, you know, out there), they brush along the inside of those lens just right to make you blink again. It tickles, I guess is a better way to put it, in a really uncomfortable way.

#3. I look awful in them.

Really. At least, every single pair I’ve tried on, I disapprove of.

Apparently, my love-ly oval shaped face is perfect for any haircut. According to all those fabulous fashion magazines that I never have time to read, I can pull of everything but the G.I. Jane look with this face (which is more and more tempting all the time).

BUT. I cannot pull of the shades. Not the super-cool sporty ones. Not the massive celebrity ones. Not the ones that look like fly eyeballs. Not the sexy cop lenses. Doesn’t matter color or shape, it just doesn’t happen. Not for lack of trying either. Those of you that know me really well have probably gone sunglasses shopping and said "ooooh no that's not true, try these on, I bet they look great!", and I do, and you give me that look right before saying "they look different, but let’s look for something that hat!". I love my honest friends.

Now, goggles I can make look HOT. Not really. Nobody can look hot in goggles, that’s probably why nobody cares what you look like in them. When it comes to protective eye-wear to keep me safe while playing on things with four wheels, two wheels, things that fly over water, big guns, and skydiving (not yet, but it’s gonna happen), count me in.

So, I will continue prowling over the Sunglass Hut in hopes that one day somebody will make shades for us long-ated faces. And I will continue to let my bubble enlarge and make me twitchy when you wear yours. No offense, just thought I’d write up a quick explanation so you don’t wonder next time we play outside together.

Yours Truly,


Sazaran said...

Dear, dear Nomz... you just have to find the RIGHT sunglasses and then you'll look like a STAR, dahling! :)

Linda in Cody said...

Yes, keep looking Naomi! I LOVE sunglasses (oh course only certain ones look good on me!) and they truly make me look better...I mean HOT!! Don't say no to sunglasses just yet....

hoovee said...

Since I have to wear regular prescription glasses and can't wear contacts..I will jump aboard the sunglass hating bandwagon with you, however I have in extreme desperation and blinding sunlight while driving, worn the really bitchin 'clip-on' shades over my glasses and let me tell you..nothing screams sexy like being at stop light next to a hottie and 'flipping up' the clip ons to check him out..that's right- I'm cool like that..

Laura said...

LOL. I hate them too. My eyebrows are too high and they always peek out above the glasses. Maybe I should just get some really big ones!!

Anonymous said...

if the eyes are the mirror of your soul, why should you want to wear sunglasses? Got so much to hide? I fucking hate sunglasses and all the people who make them

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