Tuesday, August 4, 2009

♫ Heavy Hearted Tuesday

It’s almost impossible, to write about something, without writing about it. You know, because it’s either inappropriate, or offensive, or sensitive due to timing. Maybe I care too much, I get that a lot. Usually, I’ll stick our blog title out there and say "We can say whatever we want!!!!" in my typing, screaming, voice. But not today.

Today, I want to make two points.

#1. There is a time and place for Facebook.
#2. It’s never the end of the world.

Point One:

I love Facebook. I do. I love reconnecting, staying connected, rebirthing old relationships, and putting everything in my life out there for everybody that cares, or even doesn’t. There are a few things about Facebook, that make me want to punch my computer screen in the face.

Facebook, is not a place for dramatic, needy updates. Especially, daily. I understand everybody has bad days. And, being one of your three gagillion friends, I want to, and do care. I will help and be supportive. But doing it in capital letters, every day, about your misery or your drama, really doesn’t make anybody want to care at all. In fact, the dramatic updates actually make people ignore you when you actually do have a bad day. We’ll call it the Facebook wolf cry. Stop doing it, unless you want people to stop caring.

Second. It’s not morally ok, to use Facebook as a gossip platform. When it comes to weddings, engagements, funerals, deaths, pregnancies, or births, do not, post an update on Facebook about it. Especially issues that could be touchy to the family, that have the chance of being insulting, hurtful, or painful to those that could see. Example. If a friend passes away, posting it publically on Facebook within hours, is not ok. Set up a memorial for them a few days past.

Confession: I once congratulated somebody on their new discovery, assuming it had been long enough for word to get out. To that person, you know how sorry I am. Thank God you are a Facebook addict as well, and caught it in time. I am still followed around by that guilt. Big love lady. I’m so glad we’re still friends!

Point Two:

This one is harder to touch, without touching it. Please bare with me for being brief, or running in circles.

It’s never the end of the world. I know, that sometimes it feels like it. I’ve been there. I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been in such a state of depression, that it becomes near impossible to function. I know what it’s like to feel empty. I know that sometimes, the world really does work against you, like somehow, it’s spinning in such the opposite direction as you, that it takes everything in you, just to stand. I know what it’s like, to feel like it’s the end. Three people, that I know of, are there today.

I do not know what it’s like, to assume there is only one way to fix it. That’s all I’m going to say about that solution. .

There is always something to keep fighting for. Everybody I know, even the meanest, ugliest (from the inside), crudest, and most immature people I know, have friends. 300 on Facebook! Everybody has family, whether you like it or not. We’ve all been in love at least once, and if it’s not enough to believe you’ll have it again, or maybe still do, I don’t know what is. Animals will love you until it kills them. Flowers always smell pretty. You’ll always have a favorite site, smell, dirt road, song, and dance. If you don’t fight back, you’re letting the world win, and that’s not ok. Look around, and realize that there are a lot of people on your side. Don’t believe me? Try missing a few car payments. You’ll feel wanted in no time. *wink*

I know, this blog doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, because I beg you not to beg for help, and then tell you to ask for it. The point, really, is people love you. Even on Facebook. Even the most dramatic person that updates dramatically nine times a day, gets a least once response every time.

If nothing else, the Daily Offensive Blog, will love you forever.

Yours Truly,


Anonymous said...

Oh I have longed to say some of this to my Facebook friends! Thanks for saying it for me!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree! However, in rare cases, I believe it's okay to say "rest in peace" or something to that effect. I think it helps the mourning process somehow. Especially if you are going through a death alone.

Nomz said...


I believe you read so fast that you missed the sentence... _____ on FACEBOOK.

It's the daily, high-school ate, dramatic updates on FACEBOOK that are irritating and inappropriate. It's the updates on Facebook announcing deaths, births, marriages, and engagements, before the family has a chance to notify other family. This has nothing to do with blogs of any kind, or any other social site. This was a Facebook vent.


Sazaran said...

Corticia, what's with the bad attitude? FYI, I'm the one who plays copy-and-paste when I feel lazy or couldn't say it better- and I don't care if you like it or not!!

Take your negativity somewhere else, please.

GRAND blog mah dear Nomz :)

Sazaran said...

As stated on our profile, Nomz and I will not tolerate harassing comments on any blog posting or in any form. Two previous comments have been deletd as they violate that single rule that we have established. Further harassing comments will be deleted as well.

We do not think of ourselves as above, holier-than-thou or better in any way. We do encourage and enjoy CONSTRUCTIVE criticism and will be happy to point to you previous blogs in which we have embraced such comments.

The end.

Anonymous said...

dang! now I'm curious what those comments said!

Anonymous said...

i read them i don't think they were that bad or harassing but i guess they hit to close to home it wasnt like they had cussing or anything

The Spade Caller said...

Ms. Curious, I know Corti. E-mail me if you wanna know what they were and I'll pass the request on to her. Can't guarantee she'll answer you though.


Anonymous said...

Spade Caller,
It's cool. I trust the editors to do their thing.

Daily Offensive (baha!) said...

I'd like to thank EVERYBODY for their feedback. Even the criticism. I dont necessarily enjoy being called a witch, but to each their own, I suppose.

I notice that the original poster, and their friend, have blogger names, but their profiles are blocked. Do you have blogs? *just curious* I dont want to form some malicious recoil or attack, I really would just be interested in reading another persons writing.

Honestly, of all the blogs posted on our blog, it shocks me that this is the one getting all the negative attention. I mean, we hammered abortion, and it went untouched. Attacking dramatic Facebook updates, however, is much more touchy. My apologies, for hitting a nerve. I wasn't gossiping, or calling anybody out....

Thanks again-for all the feedback. My wish though? We love constructive criticism (read Blogging...from a bloggers perspective, from July-for example). We don't like to feel attacked, and it's only natural to get defensive. So, next time you feel the need to call us out on what we're doing wrong, please point to specific examples, rather than lashing out on the entire blog. Just a request.


The Spade Caller said...

You’re right, Nomz. Shelbi’s advice was very professional and polite. Let me fulfill your wish and request and attempt to do the same along the lines of an analytical critique. I don’t have Shelbi’s credentials, but I was captain of my high school debate team (how geeky is that?), and I’m a paid research assistant now to help pay for my Master’s degree. Those two activities were excellent at developing my critical thinking, and maybe I can help you out by sharing my thoughts on why you get comments like you do (hey, I’ve got down-time before classes start up for the fall, so why not?).

My first observation is that this your blog. “Your” = Nomz + Sazaran. So the goodness or badness of the site is jointly owned. If you’re not holding each other accountable for content, then you’re erring. Let me give you my insight on topic selection, you know, those subjects you’re willing to put it all out there for the world to scrutinize.

So scanning through your blog stuff, I’ve noticed that you never really get any negative feedback on tributes to your family or friends. Positive stories, adorable kids, what’s to argue?

You noted that the abortion topic didn’t generate as much commentary. Well, I really can’t think of anyone that doesn’t see abortion as anything but bad. I have both anti-abortion and pro-choice friends. All of them agree that abortion is bad and that a woman shouldn’t have them. The argument is really about the availability to have one. My friends on both sides of the argument also agree that none of them have ever heard of a situation where someone’s position has changed based on the vigorous debate alone. If you already feel strongly one way or the other, a vigorous argument won’t likely change your mind. Consequently, arguments about abortion itself don’t really go anywhere, and arguments about availability are merely academic until the availability is eliminated. It’s like the approach to drugs. The problem isn’t the availability, the problem why it’s used. Fix the “why it’s used” and you fix the problem. If you truly want to help girls who are pregnant and contemplating abortion, and truly want to affect the numbers of abortions, then get out there and find those girls and help them fix why they’re needed.

Politics. Bleh. I’m amazed when I see people who claim they aren’t religious but then embrace their political views like a religion. Or worse, Christians that embrace their politics blindly. I haven’t seen a politician yet that hasn’t done both good and bad things, and trying to defend someone you’ve voted for in absolute terms reflects an unhealthy admiration of someone who’s supposed to serve the public. “Your guy sucks because…” and they’re right, he does suck because of that. And the comeback is “Oh yeah? Well YOUR guy sucks because…” and then THEY’RE right, he does suck because of that. Repeat infinitely. But be factual. Be accurate. Because you look like a fool otherwise, and your argument becomes a defense of your emotions which can neither be disputed nor defended effectively. (http://dailyoffensive.blogspot.com/2009_01_01_archive.html holy crap what a fiasco discussion that was!)

So that leaves “Rants”. Those behaviors or peeves in life that annoy you. Self deprecation makes them entertaining. Self edification makes them hypocritical if you have those behaviors and you choose to ignore them situationally. Hypocracy is big, fat, easy target to criticize. No one likes a hypocrite and fewer yet like a loud one.

In general, you’ve said this a bunch o’ times in different ways: intent of your site is to offend, and you welcome the argument.

(continued in next comment)

The Spade Caller said...

(continued from previous comment)

You don’t like to be attacked, but you do indeed attack, and some of your counter-attacks have been mean. Your bring-it-on challenge to participate means you have to be ready to accept the verbal blows that may come. You can’t be like a boxer entering a ring who gets upset with their opponent when some blows get in. If you know you’re not going to respond well, don’t get in the ring to begin with. To be fair to Corti, I didn’t see “witch” in either of her posts. Yes, they were pretty pointed, but echoing mister- or miss-capitalization-&-punctuation-challenged, the comments weren’t profane or obscene.

What a Blogger, or Twitterer, or Face-Booker, or My-Spacer does with their blogs, tweats, and posts should be o.k. as long as they don’t violate the terms of use for those sites. Don’t like them? Don’t read them. There are easy ways to block email. Cast your approval vote for their blathering by ignoring them. They use their social networking venue the way they do because they can and it’s allowed. They can so they do. You can so you do. Criticizing their usage for the reasons you listed without recognizing your (Nomz+Sazaran) similar behaviors isn’t standing in your own truth.

The circle of friends I have treat our blog differently than yours. We’ve scattered across the country after high school. In a couple of cases we’ve scattered across the world. We have one rule for our blog: uplift each other. We use our blog to inspire each other. How that’s manifested itself is this: we’ve only posted those stories of triumph over adversity, how we’ve helped others, how we’ve actionably righted wrongs, when we’re burdened by something fate has dealt us we don’t burn time writing about it but instead write about it after we’ve either conquered it or done something to counter its injustice. We still look out for each other, but we go voice-to-voice or face-to-face when we need a shoulder.

I can’t speak for all in our inner-circle of inspiration, but I read their tales of triumph over adversity when I’m down, and I’m in turn re-energized to achieve something good that I can share. I don’t and will never post anything to our blog that brings them down with my own self-pity or anger towards something. They in turn have so far done the same.

Our blog has become a private, secure refuge of inspiration that we can all count on to not be taken away or diminished. In some cases, similar security is reflected in our faith, in some cases in our education, and in some cases our individual character. In other words, the blog isn’t all that we’re about, but it unites our differences. We uplift each other, but we don’t hold the door open for everyone in that particular refuge. We can, so we do.

Take care,

Daily Offensive (baha!) said...


Your comment means quite a bit to me.

Yes, our blog is a bit of a partnership, if you will. However, when we agreed to do this blog together, we agreed on a few subjects that would not be breeched, and then left freedom of speech take over. I dont ever tell Sarah what to write, nor do edit her posts-visa versa. I think some credibility is needed, but really, we live on a blog so that it can be individual posts read, not consistency, if that makes sense.

I will be the first to apologize for pointing fingers where they shouldnt be pointed. I know that I am guilty of lashing out and getting defensive, but generally speaking-dont do so unless attacked first. It's a natural reaction.

I admire and respect your blog and story behind it, along with your privacy. Thank you for taking the time to research and respond, as we do sincerely appreciate any help we can get! None of us are perfect, by any stretch of the imagination (obviously).

Thank you again and best of luck

PS. She didnt come out and say "witch".You're right. But I was slightly offended by being called both the Kettle, and the Pot-twice. Perhaps I misread.

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