Monday, June 1, 2009

Let it be

I feel, ironically, the need for some serious alone time. Maybe, a secluded forest or a deserted island. Some place where Thoughts come easily, unhindered and in the company of Resolution. I'm in a slump- this is what change does to me. Like I've said, I can handle the slight changes that do not rearrange the cosmos- hair color, wardrobe, living room arrangements. But, this whole moving thing has really brought an overcast to my brand new summer. Ugh.

I can't help but think, during these precarious days, about what could have been.
What if I had married the other one? (To those of you reading this, I am not referring to what you think...)
What if I had given birth to a different, easier baby? One that doesn't need to be held constantly or would wean easily.
What if I had stuck with my choice in college, rather than taking the easy way out?
I'm plagued with these thoughts. With barely a soul to confide in- for fear of making their own burden of Life a little heavier. This blog is just a way for me to get those thoughts out. It seems that the more I harbor them and dwell on what didn't happen, the more restless and discontented I feel. Musing over and over, this last week, I've come to realize that there is no point- absolutely none- in wishing or dreaming of what could have been. What is now is what I have been given.
What good would it do to study every blade on the other side of the fence? Would I want any other life? Who knows what I would have been unsatisfied by, then? With those other choices? Might I have been the same person I am now? Would I be happy? Or as happy as I am now?
The Lord knows best and I must trust His providence. Let it be.
When I find myself in times of trouble, Jesus comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness He is standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

I've listened to this over and over. It's so calming and helpful.


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