Thursday, May 7, 2009

** Don't Settle! **

New Guest Blog!

It’s hard to start a “blog entry” like this- so forlorn and full of warnings. But, I need to get my story out there to encourage girls/women who may be settling for less than they deserve.

I grew up in a Christian home with strong morals and solid ethics. I was taught from the earliest age of understanding all that the Bible expects from Jesus’ followers. Holiness. Excellence. Integrity. Humility.


I did a pretty good job at the above list of Christian qualities. I listened to my elders when they counseled against bad company and shied away from temptation whenever I could. My “teaching” went beyond that of church only on Sundays; I was completely engulfed and surrounded by Biblical truth since the day I was born.

But, after all, I am only human. I settled. After flirting with him for months on end, I began to date and fall in love with him. It was effortless. His eyes were intoxicating; his words wrapped around my heart and didn’t let go; his touch sent shivers up my spine and I was hooked. In every sense of the word. So, I did what any girl would do. I gave myself to him. Prematurely. It seemed like he deserved it and I was happy to finally be able to be on such an intimate level with someone I knew I loved. It was what I had been waiting for my whole life.

Sin has a way of doing that. It’s the piece of fruit on the vine that glimmers in the sunlight. Everything about it beckons for a touch, a taste, a bite. But, when it’s juice fills your mouth- you realize that it wasn’t really ripe to begin with; it was rotten, the whole time. A sweet turned sour- “an old friend who rats you out”. Everything sort of went downhill from there and I realized that it was just bad luck that followed me around; it was a consequence that had wrapped it’s tentacles around me and wouldn’t let go. You don’t break the rules without causing some sort of ripple effect. I did what I knew what I thought would solve everything- the idea from tearing myself apart from another human that I had adhered myself to was unthinkable- I married him.

But, the ripples from my decision didn’t just fade out and away. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of my “settling”.

Women always joke their romantic boyfriend changed to a boring husband the moment the ring was placed on the finger. It’s true. So, beyond true that it’s sometimes devastating. Seriously. I don’t mean to whine here, but my personality type is that I NEED to be romanced, cherished and reminded that I am loved. Otherwise, I begin to seriously doubt myself. I begin to think that, maybe, it’s all my fault. I’m not cooking dinner the way I should. I don’t keep the house clean enough. The dog doesn’t get walked enough. I whine about having a baby too often. It must be something. How was I so loveable to begin with and- now- I’m not?

This is what I mean by “settling”. Maybe, if I hadn’t given myself to him so early- maybe, if I made him work a little more to ask for my hand in marriage- maybe, if I played by the rules… I would have seen it coming? Or I would have, at least, gotten my fill of the fuzzies before I lost them to his vows.

I just don’t know.

To my husband, for life: I will never leave you. But, please read this and know that its ME. I’m lonely. I need your encouragement, your sweetly whispered words, your subtle touch, your tender kisses. I need to know that I am more beautiful to you than any other woman who may walk down the street. Encourage me! Romance me! I’m not asking for jewels or flowers flowing out the door. I’m just asking for you to express your love for me- like it’s a natural thing. Like it’s something you want to do. I need to know what I am loved or I will shrivel up and be less of a wife than you agreed to marry.

And here I ask, I beg, PLEASE don’t settle! Don’t give in to momentary satisfaction when you maybe trading it for a lifetime of sad, lonely ripples. God knew what He was saying when He told us to save ourselves for marriage and to not make any hasty choices. Listen to your elders when they tell you their stories and learn from their mistakes. You will only be better off.



Daily Offensive (baha!) said...

Well hello anonymous guest blogger. We appreciate you pouring your heart out for all the world to see. What a crazy emotional ride, to not only feel all those things, but put it out there so willingly. THANK YOU.

I thank you, mostly because I think that this is the hearts cry of many many women. I think, a lot of marriage failures start failing before they begin. Mostly because of falling in to temptation, and also falling in love with what could be. Know first and foremost, that you are not alone. And you are in a battle, that is not an easy one.

It will get better. If nothing else, because you'll learn that if things dont change, you have to seek satisfaction in God, and yourself, and eventually, your heart will be ok with that. I also suggest marriage counseling. While that didnt work for me, if both hearts truly are in it, it could salvage your relationship.

Im not therapist. Im not even on the high side of life experience, but I do know, that those words, will hit more than one woman, and hopefully man, hard.

I think the biggest point for me was....take. your. time. Ladies...dont just jump in to a relationship because it feels ALL RIGHT, and assume that it always will. Time will tell all...and baby steps are key I think, to knowing that things will work. All things WORTH it, dont come easy.


Anonymous said...

Wow...I can so relate to you "Anonymous Blogger". I so feel the same way. The minute the ring was put on the finger...HE doesn't have to perform or care/romance you/me deeply anymore. So sad...truly sad because we women 'hang in there'...NO MATTER what.

I am a women so full of love and romance...and my husband doesn't care, see it or desire it. His life now, after well over 15 years, includes doing crossword puzzles, reading the newspaper, playing solitare on the computer...shall I go on? Some day, after it's too late, I will be gone or in another man's arms that wants the love, the romance, the care, the desire...from me.

Hang in there. Or not. God will stay with you no matter what your decision is.

When is ENOUGH...ENOUGH??? Your sanity is so much more important.....

I as a women in the same situation knows what I want...

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