Wednesday, May 6, 2009

♫ More Joys of Being Female!

I hate how when the stress goes up, so does my inability to eat healthy. In fact, quite the opposite. I will devour everything I can reach, until I get uncomfortable, just so my mind can worry about that too. Ugh. I hate being a girl. Thus, today’s blog.

Being a woman is hard work. I think ive written a blog similar to this before. Just, with summer well on its way, more has come up for me to gripe about. Out loud. To everybody I know. Which, is another awesome quality of female.

First. We wear uncomfortable underwear. And it’s not because it looks better, trust me. Ok, so that little itty bitty piece of string doesn’t show under certain skirts and slacks. But a lot of us, wear them, every single effing day. Whatever male decided that it was an attractive thing, needs to have their big toe pounded with a sledge hammer, and then a piece of string wrapped around his ass, and tell me, if it’s still attractive. No, underwear doesn’t make our toes hurt, that’s just a little bit of punishment for the torture. ♥

Second. Men are dirty. Not all men, so apologies all around if you’ve never looked at a woman in a vulgar manner. And, it will never cease to amaze me, that it doesn’t change with age. I seem to notice it more in the summer, probably because we choose to wear less, and the windows are down more often. Appalled at the older gents that dare look down from their beautiful pickups in to my blouse. Why hello! Yes, just because every part on my body doesn’t have eyes, doesn’t mean we cant see you looking. Just so you know. Now, I must admit, we do the same thing, but we try to be a little less obvious, that’s all. Plus, from one vehicle to another, we’re a bit limited on...eye candy. I mean, we love your faces, as much as you love ours.

Third. Waxing. I love that there are professional waxers. I think that’s the most interesting job description ever. Not only, do you get to yank the hair out of another woman without her slapping you (you’ve got pray that your worst enemy comes in I bet, huh??), but you get to do it all day long. Im not sure how you get good at these things either. Wouldn’t it be interesting to go to school for it just to say you’re good at pouring hot wax on skin and yanking? Im not saying it’s an easy job, and thank GOD there are good ones out there, just an entertaining profession, that’s all. I don’t need to go in to it. My beautiful Reese already did, here: Bikini Waxing And yeah, like a lot of women, Im hooked. It’s a pain in the ass, literally, but come on! No shaving for 7- 8 weeks!?! This lover of pain is all about it.

Fourth. We over-analyze. Everything. When a guy says "you look good today" we wonder why he didn’t say "you look great today. When someone says "I will give you a call sometime" and they don’t, we beat it with a analytical stick until it’s deader than dead, and wonder what’s wrong with us. Loaded question?? Gents, life is loaded for us. When we ask you if we look fat in something, it isn’t any different than us expecting you to say we don’t, before we even try on the outfit. Lucky for you, when we’re happy, we’ll take you to heaven and back. ;)

Fifth. A benefit. Being a damsel in distress, pretty much rocks. Yeah, like...if we are stranded on the side of the road, regardless of looks, shape, or stature, we get assistance. We get free drinks in the bar (because poor us, we’re sitting all alone and cant find anybody to take care of us). We get better service (I’ve seen it first hand, Im sorry gents, that’s the definition of short end of the stick right there). Im not one to play the damsel in distress card often, im the independent "I do it myself!" type, even when im completely clueless, but I have seen this act done, and done well. And I’ve gotta say, life really can be easier for the ladies sometimes. On a side note, we like to feel like the damsel in distress, even when we're not. We like to feel protected, rescued, and taken care of, even when life doesnt beg for you to do it. Feel free to swoop in and save us from a bad day, any time you want.

Seems like life is pretty well balanced to me, honestly. Summer weather is just brining out a bit of spite for being female, that’s all. Thanks for listening to me gripe. Again.

Yours Truly,


Sazaran said...

Did you REALLY go get waxed?? I've been meaning to ask you about that!!

I'm skerd.

Anonymous said...

please forward this to every boy in the world. Thx.

nomz said...

Haha, if only I COULD! :)

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