Wednesday, May 13, 2009

♫ Moving at Twice the Speed of Life

I am astonished, and a bit overwhelmed lately, at the speed of life.

I woke up this morning and realized my baby is going to be four in two weeks. FOUR. And oh how her little life has changed in the last year alone.

I remember finding out that I was pregnant with her, and in tears, telling my family about it. She wasn’t planned. Seems the best things in life aren’t. And to this day I couldn’t picture my life without her, or Leyna bug either. Neither one were ever going to happen. I even had a bet with my daddy, determined to never have kids.

I spent most of today looking around. I realized that I actually have a real (gulp) job. Like, a job that’s good enough, I could make a living doing for the rest of my life. I’ve found, that I’ve learned some of the most valuable life lessons, by making big mistakes. I see people in my life now, and wonder how I ever came this far without them. And though im a big girl, I’d do anything to stay daddy’s little girl forever.

My sister and I have come miles in our relationship. Man that girl used to grate my nerves. Today she’s my best friend.

I have a really nice car as of Monday. Not that I haven’t had super nice cars before, but it’s amazing how once you’ve lost something, you realize what you were taking for granted.

I looked down and realized my body has changed. Two kids later and a strong size 6, I am far from complaining, but realizing, that the things I eat have an immediate effect, instead of a temporary one.

I look at my friends and how they’ve grown, where they are, and wonder where high school went. It’s been seven years, almost to the day, since I graduated. Eeek.

I see some of my closest friends that are double my age or more, and am envious of their knowledge and life experience, but terrified that it’s all going to happen too fast.

I am realizing, that I am taking valuable things for granted, and not catching the small stuff, because our life has become so fast paced that im losing it. I’ve always been in a hurry to get on this fast track of life. A revelation. I am bailing from this train, and hiking the rest of the way.

I am going to stop taking my stress out on my angels, and enjoy every minute of their time, even if it’s that nerve scratching whining. It’s only a few years away that they’ll no longer fit on my lap to whine.

I am going to appreciate my co-workers, including the one that drives me up my cubicle wall and back down.

I am going to mend relationships to the best of my ability, and not let childish behavior bring out bitterness.

I have a goal of being less critical on everybody else, and do a double take in the mirror at my own flaws. Until I have achieved perfection, it’s not fair to judge.

I will not let others behavior encourage me to drop down to their level. I must remember, that things could always be worse, and I could have their outlook on life.

My biggest goal though:

I will learn to not sweat the small stuff, and appreciate the most minute things of all.

Bed jumping, puddle leaping, milk spilling, late nights, skipped naps, big words and bad attitudes are all things that are worthless to cry over.

Something about the way my girls look when they sleep, hold hands, laugh together, and take care of each other, makes my heart actually flutter. The way it feels when my daddy holds me and tells me it’s all gonna be ok, is something ive taken for granted. My closest friends are furthest away, only when I stop reaching out. My songs, will no longer go unwritten. My love, will no longer be hidden tight behind locked doors for fear of heartache. I will trust. I will support. I will not let my pride and fear get in the way of love. I will stand strong in my truth, and know that following my heart is never wrong, even when the rest of the world looking in, thinks so. I will give my all in every aspect of my life, and live with no regrets.

Yours Truly,

PS. Dont forget to stop and smell the flowers.


Your adopted mom! ;) said...

Great blog you amazing girl you!...Stay strong and be true to yourself always! Love you!

Anonymous said...

My Pal,

You will always be my little girl. There is nothing in the world like holding my babies in my arms. One of my best moments ever was being with my baby, having a honor, and a proud moment. "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living my baby you'll be." I got you girl...right here in my arms...always.

Your daddy

Your adopted mom! ;) said...

How sweet of your daddy! He is definitely a genuine, honorable, true and loving man and father...

Anonymous said...

OMG YOUR DAD READ MY FAVORITE BOOK. My mom used to read me that book and I genuinely just teared up remembering.

I hope you give your girls the same amazing memories by letting them get to know their grandfather inside and out :)

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