Tuesday, February 2, 2010

♫ Long Distance Relationships: Make Them Work

To say that long distance relationships are hard, would be an understatement. Anybody that’s been in one would agree. And, statistics show, that most of them don’t work out. There’s a quote that goes something like ”Absence makes the heart grow fonder…or wander.”. Whoever said that, had a point. Because you’ll either stay strong enough to make it work, or get so exhausted from trying.

I need to clarify my “long distance”. Coincidentally, both of mine had the same distance; approximately 90 miles. I have no idea what it’s like to have somebody you love across the world, or even states away. I feel for you. So when I say long, it’s considerably shorter than most.

I’m in my second long distance relationship ever. This isn’t my first rodeo. Similar to rodeos though, I’m afraid of climbing back in to the saddle. Wondering, if we’ll survive the ride.

Some background:

My first love, was my high school sweetheart. We met on a ranch. We trained horses together, worked with kids through the summer, and fell in love. In three months. Uh huh. Being all crazy in love, we managed to find time to see each other almost every weekend, talk each other to sleep every night, hit every school dance together, etc. We thought it was forever. Promise rings were busted out, happily ever after was discussed. Two years after our first meeting, he moved to the same town. He lived in his own apartment, but we saw each other nonstop. Things changed dramatically. We lasted another six months before we realized we were completely different people. It was heart wrenching.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified of a repeat.

My current love lives the same distance away. 90 miles. I see him every weekend, sometimes we make mid-week adventures, and we’ve had a few get-away’s. We’ve been together for a little over a year, and I can feel it coming...that need for the next step. I’m excited about the next step, but so afraid, thanks to past experiences, that one little change will flip this relationship inside out.

That’s background on this blog. I don’t really want to discuss either of those relationships any further. Let’s talk Long Distance. The strong points, the benefits, the drawbacks, etc.

The Benefits of Long Distance Relationships


Thanks to several miles, and a primarily weekend-only relationship, you get four days a week to have space. To be yourself. To live in your own home. You get a social life outside of the relationship. You have less chances of disappearing completely in to a relationship. You have no choice but to take things slow, and let things grow on their own.


You don’t have a choice but to trust your partner completely and whole heartedly. That trust grows such a strong bond, that once you’re no longer long distance, you’ve got such a trust with one another that there’s never a worry. It forces you to assume the best while you’re away from each other for 65% of the time.

*The Build-Up, the Excitement

Thanks to anticipation of seeing each other all week, Fridays can’t come soon enough. You actually get that whole ”I can’t wait to leap in to your arms and stay there for a good ten minutes” feeling, every single week. It never goes away. There is something absolutely thrilling about long distance love, because it feels like a first date every weekend.

The SUCK of Long Distance Relationships

*Time Management

When you commit to a relationship that is Friday-Sunday only, it gets really hard to manage friend time, kid time, family time, AND one on one time in a three day time period. You’ve got to make an entire relationship that most people get to work hard at every day, in to three days. It’s hard to fit everybody in, keep everybody happy, make everybody understand why you’re not always around on the weekend, AND make things work with your partner.


As with any relationship, the pressure of when and how to take the next step is difficult. Making the choice to move closer, or IN together, is a tough, tough decision. It’s a little bit scary to think about the idea of seeing somebody for two days a week, to seeing them 24 hours a day. You don’t have a place to run away to if you find out they’re crazy. You might find that their bad habits are much more prominent during the week. You never really know. With a relationship in the same town, you generally get the idea of what they do 7 days a week. It’s so hard to make the call to turn what you’ve got, a completely different direction, and trust it doesn’t go belly up.

I really do love what I’ve got right now, and I know that in time everything will fall in to place when it needs to. I also know I’m not alone in this battle. For those of you in one, know that you’re doing the best you can. You’re not alone in those late night phone conversations, the missing somebody so much your body actually aches, the battling of your friends and family for time management, etc. Remember that no matter how much you want that special someone to be number one in your life, you cant leave the rest of your life behind you for them either. It takes a strong person to handle long distance. If you’ve got what it takes and you make it work, your relationship will be better for it.

I’m curious, anybody else have experience with long distance relationships? Care to share your thoughts?

Yours Truly,


Anonymous said...

Never had to experience a long distance relationship. But I'm sure it takes a TON of TRUST, LOVE and FAITHFULNESS. And to those people out that that do have long distance relationships...my hat off to you!

Reese said...

So, you know that for 8 months me and Ross were a long-distance relationship couple. Something like 8 states in the way and unable to visit each weekend.

Met in January, visited in March, visited in June, visited for the greater part of July and then he moved out to Wyoming (we didn't live together) and dated within the same town whilest going to school.

I was busy and had a lot to keep my mind off things---I was already in college, trying to work, maintain friends, etc.

I wasn't looking for a relationship, but we found one another anyway. We lived together for the first time during his sophomore year in college and my juinor year. Fights ensued, we didn't live together again until we both moved to Cheyenne in 2008.

Now? We've got the roots going. Our relationship has been based on a bunch of baby steps and we didn't jump into anything big. (I think it helped my folks out too. They werent ready for their youngest getting serious!)

It all happens when it happens like you said. It'll work itself out and you'll be happy in the end :)

Danielle said...

I am okay with this long distance relationship. It's not 900 miles away, or 360 miles away like my previous ones. And as much as it sucks bad missing them all week and anticipating Fridays..... I am so glad I get that anticipation. Sure I miss him like crazy, but I also am glad that I have someone to miss... and it shows me that I still do have feelins for him ;)
And I am glad we are able to have that trust and maintain our own friends and family while we are on our own weekly routine, then share it on the weekends. It's that thought of "I want you to be able to live without me, but I want you to want to keep me around" sort of thing :)

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Anonymous said...

Yep that hits close to home. I understand the need to please everyone in well it's more like, two days for me. I like the fact that I do have time for me, and now that I'm working I'm meeting new friends and feeling more like a person than just "mom" or just "stay at home wife/mom."

The plus for us. is the talking part. We start a talking party at night, sometimes we talk for hours and hours. It's almost like getting to know one another again.

The down for us, is I miss him, I need him. I want him to wrap his arms around me at night kiss me and say goodnight honey. I have to say it's hard to be a mommy of three and feel sorta like a single Mom.

I do have to say I agree with everything you wrote, your ups, your downs are pretty much just like Andy and me.

I believe in Love, and I will fight for it. Because, honestly it's super hard to be so far away from someone. But, knowing that each day that passes is getting us to that point where we will see eachother every day again is what I try and stay focused on. Ok, ok I feel like I'm babbling. Sorry if I don't make sense or whatnot lady, I'm tired worked 9 hours and can feel the bags under my eyes getting bigger hehehe. Thanks for this blog, it made me realize what I'm working so hard for. :)

Anonymous said...

Anytime a student I am mentoring asks me what I think about this subject I always say "don't ever move for the guy, make him move for you". I feel that a female should be treated as a queen by the man that claims he loves her and part of that devotion is proven when he is willing to give up all he is secure in, and go make a way near where her roots are planted. We gals need our families to help raise the children we bare and for unconditional support when the days are hard. That being said, I do feel every situation is different and I would pass no judgment on someone for going where her heart leads her.

One of my daughters moved a very long ways away to attend a college because that is where her guy was. One of the hardest days of my life was leaving her there knowing her heart would soon be broken. Yet, I knew she would eventually find her wings and sore back home and I would be able to help wound her broken heart. It happened, and it sucked, but she is better for it.

I do feel that long distance relationships can work. If they couldn't, the military system wouldn't be working for us. It just takes a stronger woman than most to endure them. You are the only one who knows if you can handle that kind of distance.

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