Wednesday, July 8, 2009

♫ Lessons in Self Defense

I know, my blogging is well over-due. My apologies. This girl took a much needed vacation. Where to, you ask? Well, me and my angels and my boy went HOME to Cody-town, Wyoming. And had quite the time. That blog, will happen when I have the pictures to prove it.

Today, I feel the need to give my fellow girls some coaching. I have to say, I am very grateful for all my girly friends, assisting me in getting my girl on. From a newly developed shopping hobby, to fake nails, to pretty hairs and new makeup, to all have really brought out a side of me that I didn’t realize even existed. It’s my turn, to share a little bit of my skillz with you.

When attacked, it seems the general female population react similarly. They grab for the nearest object in self defense. Bad plan ladies. Let me walk you through a little lesson of self defense.

When being attacked, whether out of pure fun, or an actual attack, the object nearest to you, likely isn’t going to help. Curling up in the fetal position, isn’t going to stop much other than a Grizzly, and screaming, will probably just anger or provoke your attacker (unless in a public place and you are needing to draw attention due to the level of danger).

The following objects will not stop any level of angry or determined person (aka...bad ideas):

Screams, slaps, glass bottles (just because this works in the movies, does not mean it is going to do you any good, the thing weighs ounces when FULL), telephones (unless it’s the really cool ones from the earlier decades where the bases were practically lead), hammers, frying pans, notebooks, pillows, or rocks.

Better ideas:

Consider your attacker. If it’s male, God happened to give them extra-sensitive jewels, that love to be kicked when they are in full attack mode. Not only will they drop like flies, it is near impossible for them to run for a few minutes. If you are the true girl, chances are, you are wearing something with a heel. If you have your back to them and are restrained, raise that heel proud, and land it square on their foot. The foot is loaded with pressure points that will cause immediate pain.

If you are in your home, please do not grab anything off the walls. And, if you happen to run in to a spare closet or kitchen, don’t get your girl on, please? Think of the sharpest, heaviest object. I mean, come at full speed with a kitchen knife, gun, axe, or crow bar. You cannot tell me that your house is not equipped with one of those things.

Side note: I learned via Twitter today, that AX and AXE are the same thing, except in scrabble. Fun fact of the day.

Lucky for me (and the best sister ever...and even most of my close friends), I was raised by a cop. The best of the best even. And, beginning at age five, was trained in self defense. It was the class he taught at the academy, and had to practice somehow. The point is, just because you weren’t raised by one, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t equip yourself. There are plenty of law enforcement officers that would be willing to show you something, most at a free charge. I highly recommend taking a class…they’ll teach you ways to take down a grown man with just his thumb (that happens to come in handy, even when you’re not in defense-mode. Especially on little brothers, and irritating boyfriends)Also, keep in your car two things at all time: a tire iron or metal bar (also known as a bitch-be-good stick), and a can of pepper spray. Other than very angry grizzly bears or cops that have become absolutely immune from playing with it so much, this will stop most any attacker dead in their crazy tracks. Both things are perfectly legal, and not considered any kind of concealed weapon.

If you have anything to add, please do so. Im always looking for new ways to win. *wink

Yours Truly,


Linda in Cody! said...

Sometimes....just taking a beer and a cigar out of their hands makes them defenseless as well! (I know from experience!) Haha!

Thanks for the advice!

Anonymous said...

I personally would reach for the gun (which I am permitted by the great state of Wy) that I carry concealed of course where no man can see it and threaten or shoot him. Self defense class done.

Linda in Cody! said...

Ohhhh...I want the self defense class that 'anonymous' suggests! Much easier! :)

Sarah said...

I started boxing/ju jitsu/mixed martial arts classes last month. My body hurts. But I can break someone's arm or squeeze them unconscious from a rather submissive position, now, too. Had an interesting/terrifying conversation with my coach about how men typically attack women (rarely head-on or face-to-face) and what kind of training I was looking for.

And I carry pepper spray, which is a great conversation piece, if nothing else.

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