Friday, July 30, 2010


Dear darling readers,

I am getting married in 73 days. (And no, before you ask, I swear I’m not one of Those Brides neurotically counting down the days—it’s just that I get asked this question literally every time I see a certain chipper fellow from Quality Control, and I have to be prepared with the official answer. Because if I’m not, he asks me to guess. And then he also asks if my dress still fits. He also, by the way, refers to me primarily by my wedding date: “Ten ten ten!” I really am not kidding.)

Since we’re already talking numbers, I’m going to give you a few more.

Seven months ago, my future husband proposed to me, in the exact spot he first asked me to be his girlfriend in 7th grade; for you equally un-mathy people out there (I am WITH you!), that means we’ll be celebrating 12 years of forehead kisses & weird faces & late-night driving dates four days before we celebrate our first wedding anniversary. I know, right?

A few more numbers, and then I swear I’m done.

Four days after we got engaged, we made it Facebook official.
Two months later, we started planning.
And 140 is the maximum amount of people our wedding venue—a gorgeous historic theatre—can comfortably accommodate.

Somewhere in between the Facebook-official part and the “we have a really specific limit for our venue” part is where things start to get tricky.

See, darling readers, when you’re planning a wedding, you become embedded with this urge to share your glee with people. You want to shout from the 420-character-limit rooftops about how you’ve found your vendors, announce the day you find THE dress, discuss the delightful experience of making registries with your beloved—the whole nine yards.
You call upon your already-married Facebook friends for recommendations and to share links (people, there is a whole ‘nother blog’s worth of OMG to express over the sheer amount of bridal blogs out there; it’s like a left-hand sparkler grants you an all-access pass into the world of DIY everything & other people’s wedding photography); you post engagement pictures; more or less, you involve all 770+ of your Facebook friends in your wedding planning, never thinking twice about it.

Until, of course, your fantastic invitations arrive—and if you’re a typography/word nerd like me, you swoon over them three times more than any normal person—and you go to update your status, all, “Mrs. Almost-Bride is perched at the kitchen table, addressing invitations and listening to Pink Floyd.”
And then, one near-perilous second before you update, you stop to think; is it REALLY a good idea to broadcast this to the world?

In all honesty, darling readers, I wouldn’t have thought twice about it—that is, until I received a comment on my wall a few weeks ago.
To understand the context of said comment, the friend who left it was a friend from junior high and early high school—as in, we were friends then. The last time we hung out, we were both sporting Sonic uniforms and going home to our parents’ houses every night. The most we’ve hung out since then was the night each of us confirmed the other’s friendship on Facebook.
So, in short; not close. Barely acquaintances.

You can imagine my surprise when she posted on my wall, asking if I’d sent out invites yet; answering honestly, because we hadn’t, I replied, “Nope, not yet!” and left it at that—only to have her return with, “Oh good, because if I don’t get one, I’m gonna kick your butt!”

Consider my butt kicked.

The modern world is a magical place where social networking loops more people into your life on a daily basis than you’d ever be able to keep up with face to face; the problem, however, lies in events like weddings. Suddenly, people who you haven’t seen in person since you were 17 are assuming they’re invited, based on the sheer fact that you’re Facebook friends.

My dear, darling readers, I am ghost-blogging today to tell you that simply isn’t the way things roll. Yes, I will happily comment on your pictures from vacation (even the weird passenger seat self portraits—we’re Facebook friends, after all, it’s what we do); I will tag you in notes; I will have delightful wall-to-wall conversations about the splendidly superficial things in life.

But please, please please please, don’t make things any more awkward than need be by assuming and/or flat-out asking—on Facebook, in front of hundreds of strangers—that you’re coming to my wedding, or if you’re invited at all.

I’m asking you, oh friends of brides, on behalf of all my fellow Facebook brides, to remember that anything posted on a Facebook wall is the same as running up to someone & shouting at them in front of a silent crowd; even if you only intend for one person to hear it, everyone gets in on the fun.
This goes double for weddings, especially in cases where you’re very, very conscious that feelings can/will be hurt when people find out they’re not invited.

Will it happen anyway? Of course. But does it need to happen on the Book of the Face? Absolutely not.

So, with that said, dear darling readers—have you even been caught in a situation like the one I mentioned, whether as the “OMG CAN’T WAIT FOR YOUR WEDDING” commenter (who didn’t end up invited after all) or the bride on the other side?
Especially for all my already-tied-the-knot girls out there, how did you handle walking the line on Facebook between sharing your excitement and being conscious that not everyone reading would be invited to the big day?

-Ghost Blogger


Anonymous said...

I'm very excited about your wedding and I know who you are! But I sure as heck don't expect an invite, unless we've cried together, hugged, kissed or whatever on daily basis...duh!

Happy wedding to you! I'm so glad you have and continue to share your excitement on Facebook/Twitter with me...a random friend!

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous - Aww, thanks! <3 I am blowing Ghost-Blogger-tinted kisses at your anonymous face right this second!

Anonymous said...

Ghost Blogger,
You are a "faceBook" friend, and besties with one of my favorite ladys, and husband to be has become friends with this facebooks friends son. And I don't expect to be invited to your magical day. That day is to share with your family and friends that are just like family. Not the rest of us. We do how ever enjoy all your wonderful updates on the wedding and cant wait to see the magical dress, lovely bridesmaids, and dreamy flower girls in the super wonderful pictures that you will post and share with the Facebook friends of your life. Very tactful way to draw the lines. Great job.
p/s love the updates and hope you keep sharing them with us.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous #2, I am SO glad you understand! :) You, especially, will LOVE the flower girls & their dreamy dresses, because I have an inkling that you adore those two kiddos (and their gorgeous mom) as much as I do!

Anonymous said...

Dearl Lovely Ghost Blogger -

Yes this day and age of technology where everyone is "in your posted business" is certanly tough. The first time I was married - social networking was not the latest and most in thing. BUT I did teach at a rather large school and my mother had taught at the same school for four years prior. Therefore lots of the teachers their had seen be "grow up". I do agree - making the invite list is hard to do for 140 people with family first and clost friends second. I had an all out with my mother before the wedding saying that this was my wedding yes I put our family first and my closted friends second after counting my huge bridal party (that is a whole nother blog titled - so and so was not in your sister's bridal party so add them to yours) I would not expect an invite either - just because we are friends on FB, hung out at a few parties and in the back of a truck (he he he).
I love to live vicariously through your wedding planning pictures and gorgous engagement pictures (as you would totally laugh at my first ones they were done inside JCPenny). I seriously can't wait for you to post the pictures from your wedding. I am sure that your gorgous flowers girls will be so sparkly with sunshine and light as their mother.
You are doing the right thing and nicely saying - "no" keep it up :)

MicKell said...

I LOVE this blog..

I had a SIMILAR experience..

I had my first child and of course it hit FB news within the first 5 minutes.

Then about 2 hours later I had very RANDOM people that I had only known from highschool, that I had not INVITED or EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT INVITING, up at the hospital to see my 2 hour old baby. & on top of that about 4 of them brought their toddler children!

For my second child.. I would receive wall post, comments, messages about how I needed to send them pictures, texts, ETC as soon as she was born. I would just say "ok" & never did or would just not respond. I was also very quick to announce to my close friends that anyone willing to open their mouth on FB about my child being born, would have DIRE CONSEQUENCES!

Some people just dont know space, boundaries, or quite possibly common sense!

Good luck on the wedding. & dont let the UNINVITED crazies make way into the big celebration! :)

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