Monday, October 25, 2010

♥ Learn ALL the things?!

* God can speak through fortune cookies and vinyl wall quotes. He can. Cause He's God and He has a great many ways to speak.

* It's best to turn off your headlights. That is if you don't want to have to jump-start your car four times a week, during winter. <---Why I learned this lesson during the worst nine months of the year, I'm not sure. Still learning it actually.

* Always, always, always keep an eye out for those red flags. Never ignore them. Never justify them. It's better to be safe than sorry.

* When a sandstorm comes blowing past, the best thing to do is keep your mouth shut.

* There is no such thing as "beyond the point of no return". No really, there isn't. If you think there is, you're deceiving yourself and calling an opportunity for redemption a farce.

* Acrylic nails DESTROY. I’m never getting them again.

* Never be the first one to comment on a picture of a friend's new baby, wedding or other monumental moment in life... because Facebook will gladly deliver you 2,000 notifications within the first 24 hours.

* The world really does revolve around love. ♥

* Even though I'm technically a "single mom" I'm not really alone and I have no shortage of help. Being surrounded by friends and family who are willing to give of their time and resources to help me be the best mother I can be is something I will never be able to repay. Suffice it to say I'll live in complete and utter gratitude for the rest of my days. ♥

* One Sunday of worship can be sacrificed for an event that will result in the the merging of two souls for all eternity. And, it will be worth it. And it won't affect any "hard earned spirituality". AND it will make for full hearts and happy memories forever.

* H1N1 really isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Sure, you might spend four days in a dark room with no desire to live whatsoever (like I did); sure, you may displace two ribs by hacking your lungs out (like I did)... but if you have friends like me, you'll be surrounded by love from afar (they're not super heroes, people), chocolate and girlie magazines. Also, you'll live. You will.

* There is SO MUCH good music out there.

* “Make new friends, keep the old. One is silver, the other is gold.” has been in the back of my mind for months now. Life is sorta like a sifter in that it will allow all of the anemic friendships, which are more of a hindrance than anything, to fall through the gap. Life morphs. So do friendships- they’ll either morph into something amazing or they’ll waste away. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

* “Games that never amount to more than they're meant will play themselves out.” <--- GREAT song and great thing to remember.

* I have Friends so amazing and so straight from God that they aren't afraid of telling me when I'm being an idiot, aren't afraid to let me know that I need to step up my own friend-game (as opposed to bailing completely), care for me so genuinely that they choose to remind me only of my good parts and not my insecure, silly or emotional parts and who will cheer me on in a time of change... knowing how much I hate it. Like, I said, I have the best friends ever.

* God is too big to be kept in a box. Obvious lesson, right? Not so much. My black and white views of life (which I’ve previously bragged about) are being all scrambled and rearranged. *chokes on pride* It’s awesome. I don’t mind it one bit.

* I'm still learning things I thought I was done learning (24 Things...). Le Sigh.

Friday, October 22, 2010

♫ Crave what you've lost?

So there I was, laying in bed at 10pm, listening to Brandon in the tractor about a mile away, doing everything he could to get his work done before the weather turned. We had just spat about how I feel like a needy girl, and act accordingly. And I remembered that aside from his charm, his good looks, his funny jokes, his low brow comedy, and his ability to dance my feet off...I fell in love with his character. His ability to put all things aside to make sure the work got done, with his integrity in tact.

We fall in love with what grabs our heart, sweeps us off our feet, and what makes our insides all swoony.

Common heart-flutterings:

*A man in a suit
*A man in uniform
*A woman cooking
*A woman impregnated
*A man worshiping the God you both love
*A man holding a baby
*A man that knows hard work
*A man covered in hard work
*A man in a kitchen
*A woman with independence
*A man of strength

It's absolutely impossible for me to cover everything, because we're all different. Everybody has something inside of them that makes them go aflutter though, that warms their insides, that makes them yearn for more from somebody, and that indefinitely attracts us to them forever.

Sometimes, we get so lost in the noise of the rest of the world, that we forget the fireworks that created "us". We crave more of each other, but we forget what it's like to give first. We want old fashioned romance, even though we've had it all along. Yeah, yeah...he makes you mad, he doesnt do enough around the house, he doesnt say the right things...but does he still come home in that uniform that you fell in love with? Does he still know exactly where to kiss you when he wants a little something-something? I thought so.

We don't lose each other usually...we lose ourselves. We get comfortable, and crave more, instead of being thankful for exactly what we've got.

Why'd he fall in love with you? Find that again...and you'll have him straight back into your arms.

With love,

PS. The last time my heart soared, it was actually caught on camera, thanks to Ardent Photography. Thus, why it's going in a frame, and looked at every time I think I need more from him...and then I'm slapping myself.

Do YOU have any pictures you need to dust off?

♥Yet another untitled post.

It's raining ( ♥ ), I'm listening to rain-complimenting music ( ♥ ) and if I close my eyes I almost feel like I'm in Washington ( ♥ ); it's so easy for me to be dreamy on days like today.

I wish things in real life came with a "like" button.

I wish there were Roman wishing wells for moments in life. Throw a penny in and you’re bound to return to that moment of big grins and happy hearts.

I’m all for making messes. The bigger the mess, the better the result of whatever is being fashioned. Which is why my room and I are covered in paint, clippings and creativity. It must be something about the holiday season nipping at our heels that’s prompting this urge to make stuff.

For the second time, a week of no Malface is close at hand. Rather than scheduling myself so full that I have no time to breathe or notice the silence of my house I’ve decided to try to drift through the days, flowing where they may take me. A certain, charming coffee shop in a certain, charming city is calling my name as well as a Big Ass Book of Crafts (no, really, that’s its name!) that I plan on delving into to provide a slight distraction. Also, the ol’ camera and I plan on spending good, quality time together. It’s been much, much too long.

Oh and I plan on taking part in a Harry Potter marathon, too, before Deathly Hallows Part 1 comes out {28 daaayyys! Eeeee!}.

Saw this on a friend's status update this morning: "A morning without coffee is like sleep." I KNOW, RIGHT?!

A few weeks ago I toured around beautiful Ft. Collins, CO with friends popping in and out of the little shops that litter the downtown region and saw a piece of artwork that was so so cute and really easy to make. So, what did I do? I made it! Duh! And I'm quite proud of myself!

Oooh, today makes me want to grab a piece of chalk and a flat rock and draw a giant's sized hopscotch game in the parking lot of work. We'd have to jump, like, realllly far to get to each square! Who wants to play with me?!

I'm now listening to Natural Anthem by Postal Service and while, usually, it stresses me out (you'd have to hear it, to know. There's so much crashing and angsty noise that it drives me into a tailspin when I subjected to it) but today it sorta matches this crashing that's going on in my head. I think it's a good crashing... can't really explain it. Actually, I might listen to it again.

Bloggers, like singers, are a dime a dozen. But, it takes true talent for someone's thoughts to capture my attention and I've found an amazingblog that I'm starting to fall in love with <-- check it out.

Ashley! inspired talk and thoughts of tattoos this morning... which got me to thinking, once again, of my own blank-canvas epidermis. It'd be so so so fun to get one and since I'm such a sentimental sucker, I think I'd love it forever... but what to get?! And WHERE?!?! I'm too indecisive. I'd like to play total copy-cat and get some short, inspiring quote somewhere. But, it's just soooo permanent.

It sorta makes me sad that I've neglected my camera for so long. What makes me even a little more sad is that it's almost quite impossible to find stuff to take pictures of here. I'm a photographer for crying out loud! I should be able to find things that are not obvious to the eye and make it an amazing photo, like I've done before:
I'll have to make a list of all the different pictures I want to capture, a photographic bucket-list if you will...

Monday, October 18, 2010

♫ Random Monday:: 10/18/10

Oh my, on a Monday and everything!

*Random Monday, it's been entirely too long since we had a chat, let's!

*My most recent endeavor? Young Farmers. It's sort of an adult version of FFA, something I always wanted to get involved in but wasn't allowed the chance. I am using my Social Marketing skills to get more involvement in the Front Range chapter, hope to get involved at a national level, and am determined to figure out why Wyoming disbanded. Al, you and I have quite the project ahead of us. Like my new page! Front Range Young Farmers

*That new endeavor makes me the admin of FOUR Facebook pages. Connected? You could say that. FYI...I'm going to start charging for my brilliance.

*I don't normally blog on a Sunday, but my heart sort of spilled all over the place yesterday, and made quite the mess: A Rainy October

*My Ashley and I are going to start a drive-thru pizza place, because people around here have yet to create such a thing. I was thinking about naming it "There". You know, so you can say: "Want to go to There for pizza?", and when people respond with "Their pizza, is it good?", you can respond with "Eeeediot. THERE pizza, not THEIR pizza, didn't you learn anything in fourth grade?"

*I happen to be very much in love, thank you very much. Brandon continues to amaze. <3

*I am starrrrving, and my kids ate all the yogurt. Sigh.

*Speaking of them! They have recently grown about four feet, aged quicker than bananas, and are the thing in this world that I am most proud of.

*Tomorrow is the birthday of a girl that I went from loving dearly, to missing sorely, to mourning, to realizing that sometimes life just sends people in different directions, and it's probably for a reason. I continue to love what we had, and wish her the best. Happy Birthday, Kara. 10 years ago this month, we've been friends!

*I was always worried that uploading too many pictures to Facebook would overwhelm people. I changed my mind and upload almost daily. Don't whine either, it's not like I force you to browse them!

*Sometimes, I could torture a certain ex-somebody with little regret. The lies are stacking against his favor. BUT I have to remember that no matter how much I want to be, I can't be in control...nor should I be. God's got this, I'll trust that, and let life catch up to least until he actually hurts the little hearts involved.

*Anybody dressing up for Halloween?

*"When you no longer need to prove anything to anyone and can simply be yourself with no apologies - you have arrived."

Yours Truly,

Saturday, October 16, 2010

♫ A Rainy October

Here's the thing...

In Sazaran's most recent blog, she said this about me, and it really couldn't be more true: "Nomz may seem like she’s fallen off the face of the planet. But, I can tell you that that isn’t the case. In fact, I believe she’s familiarizing herself with this planet in a whole new way. Let’s cheer her on in making the right choices, trusting more than she has before and seeing things in a new light. Because, after all, she happens to life; life doesn’t happen to her."

October has been bittersweet, and I won't mind so much if the door does indeed hit it in the ass on its way out. I'm an extremely independent girl, completely dependent and leaning hard on the people that count in my life...and it makes my insides hurt.

I'm learning the hard way, that when you take the chance of flying, you'll probably ruffle some feathers. I followed my heart, I'm learning to stand on my own two feet and rebuild, and I'm learning the hard truth that not everybody is going to like it.

I defeated a zipline in the dark last night with my favorites last night, and I'm off to conquer the rest of the world with them by my side! My support system, like that 30 foot high cable, is constant. It's safe. It's trustworthy. It's faithful. I'm latching on and enjoying this ride! (It wasn't just who was present last night...if you're in "my village", you know exactly who you are. I love you so hard.)

You see...It's not who stood by and watched you fall, it's not who looked at your decisions disapprovingly, its not who talked about your mistakes. It's the people that stayed by your side through all of those things unfailingly, that really matter the most.

I am indeed seeing the this world in a whole new light. I am getting so familiar with this change that I'm calling it "home". I am falling in love. I am happening to life.

Yours Truly,


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

♥ Happyness is overflowing

* We're TIRED. Wanna know why? Cause we danced our booties off, sang our lungs out, smiled until our cheeks twitched and cried until our happyness was overflowing. Yes, happy tears. Why? Because our darling Ashley! became Mrs. White on this very 10/10/10. Ashley, we love you we love you we love you. You are the reason we have hope that there is such a thing as a love that will last a lifetime. All we wish for you and your new HUSBAND (!!!!) are stars in your eyes forever.

These amazing photos that capture the White Wedding in a way that no one else could? They were taken by Ardent Photography (who will take MY wedding photos one day, just sayin'). You can view more of the blessed day and other accomplishments by visiting their blog.

* Things I want to remember:

For every down, there’s an up.

Wondrous are the works that are just waiting to be revealed. In the right time.

Hurt people, hurt people; Loved people, love people. Seriously.
How to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.
I am one thousand times bigger on the inside.

* I wish there were more opportunities to get all dolled up with bright red lips, frenchy nails, lashy lashes and shoes covered in sparkle. It does wonders for self-confidence.

* “There seems no plan because it is all plan.” Thanks, Mr. Lewis, I needed that.

* Nomz may seem like she’s fallen off the face of the planet. But, I can tell you that that isn’t the case. In fact, I believe she’s familiarizing herself with this planet in a whole new way. Let’s cheer her on in making the right choices, trusting more than she has before and seeing things in a new light. Because, after all, she happens to life; life doesn’t happen to her. <--- her own words, btw.

* It seems an ironic and cruel twist of fate that I love music so much but cannot play it one iota.

* As this whole custody battle wraps up (as I fight fear and worry, like I do, about making the right decisions) I really feel God saying, “It doesn’t matter what decision you make. Do you think it will affect how I will provide for you and make everything work out for your good? Whatever you choose, I will provide for you and Mal.” And then... Peace. Total undiluted peace. So, I’m good with whatever happens from here on out. Even the timing of it all doesn’t get to me like it used to. I think because after all this time it has finally sunk in that God is more in control than I’ve given Him credit for. And really, I wouldn’t want it any other way.

* No, really. I neeeeed to take pictures. I just don’t know what to take pictures OF.

* I’m a word-nerd (as if you didn’t know). So, here’s your dose of quotes for the week:

“Your life is your message to the world. Make it inspiring.”
-Lorrin L. Lee

“Be not afraid of going slowly; be only afraid of standing still.” -Chinese Proverb

“I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all.” –Richard Wright

“I think the most significant work we ever do, in the whole world, in our while life, is done within the four walls of our own home.” -Stephen R. Covey

“I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it, too.” –Diane Ackerman

“I haven’t a clue how my story will end, but that’s all right. When you set out on a journey and
night covers the road, that’s when you discover the stars.” – Nancy Willard

Monday, October 11, 2010

♥ The Scenic Route

A short conversation with a certain amazing girl I know prompted this blog. As with most things I write, I've been mulling over this one for a while. And the more I think about it, the more I have to say. Pardon me if the thoughts that spill out onto this post seem scattered.

What she said: "...totally made me think of “Jesus Take the Wheel,” because really, he’s been taking you on a pretty decent scenic route lately, hasn’t he? :)"

You know, HE HAS. Perhaps not by His own choice (or His first choice, I should say) but when I take into account how my life is turning out, how its trail matches that of Billy from Family Circus, I cannot help but wonder if God really does like the scenic route. If He does enjoy riding along with me and working out all my wrong turns into something that I'll be able to look back on and realize how nice of a drive it really turned out to be. Only because He’s the Navigator.

Of course He would love it if we listened to Him after His first word; if our obedience were outmatched only by our swiftness to obey; if pride were more easily swallowed than chomped on over and over... but, He dealt with that from "Go!" didn't He? He knew, before we knew, that the shortest point from A to B would not be taken. "Aha," He might've thought, "I rather enjoy a road trip and lessons learned along the way." He cares about our getting to the destination He has for us, but not more than the journey it takes to make us the person we need to be when we get there.

That's what He has done to me, anyway. Could have I avoided pain and suffering and sorrow and struggle and heartache? Yes. Would I be the person I am today? Probably not. Because faith requires the aforementioned elements to be made into something solid and substantial. Ladies and gentleman, I haz faith.

Let me clarify that the scenic route might not always be what God wants for our lives. He requires obedience and He requires a life wholly surrendered to Him. His desire is not for us to succumb to sin and have to deal with the consequences (which inevitably cause us to go down that bunny-trail… away from Him) but for us to live as He asks us to. All that being said, and as I’ve said before, I believe that He will allow us to make our stupid decisions because He sees down the road and He sees how He will be able to shape us, using the scenic route.

On the other side of the road (ha, get it? cause I’m talking about routes?) even if we are completely surrendered to His will and are taking each step only at this direction… He still uses the winding paths to get us where we’re going, to mold us more and more into His image. We may think that the way He is leading us is absurd and a waste of time and energy but all the while He is accomplishing exactly what He had intended- the whole time.

I think of all the stories in the Bible where God used a wrong turn, a mistake, a bad choice to bring about total awesomeness:

Joseph? Little (mouthy) brother turned slave turned prisoner turned leader turned savior of his people!

Abraham? The promise given to him of innumerable descendants wasn’t even started until he was ninety-nine!

David had to fight lions and bears and giants and kings before he himself was promoted to King of Israel.

Esther was an orphan, raised by her uncle, and endured countless beauty-pageants (some might say this was an absurd scenic route?) before her time of saving her people was brought about.

This scenic route? It has brought me a deeper hunger, a closer empathy for others who are also going in circles. It has shown me the good that can come out of being patient and understanding my own inability to be in control and, really, my own inability to make good choices without His influence. I’ve mentioned before how I have seen Him as my master mixer, taking the good the bad and the ugly parts of my life and turning them for my good: the very definition of my scenic route.

This video has been stuck in my head for the last few days and I feel that it holds a powerful message to more than just waiting for love. Waiting for God to take you through the route that He chooses will be only to your benefit. Only to His glory.

The pressure makes us stronger
. The struggle makes us hunger. 
The hard lessons make the difference...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

♫ RAWR...just kidding.

I'll be honest, I logged in to vent too. I have had angst, and grumps, and rawrfaces on for about three days now. I wanted to tell the world how much it's pissed me off lately (Mostly, I blame the fact that I'm female, and it's that stupid "time" that I can complain about BEING female). And then...THEN I realized how hypocritical that would be of me. Yes, we're all entitled to bad days. Bad months. Bad years. Your problems may be minimal compared to the rest of the world's, but that doesn't mean they're not huge to you. Have a bad day. Get mad. Pout. Cry. Do it.

Then...realize that everybody throws fits. You're not the first to let the pettiness of the world get to you. The biggest thing to remember though, is that you can only control your own problems and emotions. If you're mad at life because of how another person made you feel, you need to get over it. You need to forgive, forget, rinse, and repeat...and move on. You cant change how they made you feel. You can't control whether they'll do it again or not. You can only control you.

I got this on Monday; hafta gotta share it:

"Don't listen to those who say, 'You're taking too big a chance.' Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today. Most important, don't listen when the little voice of fear inside you rears its ugly head and says. 'They're all smarter than you out there. They're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier, and they have connections. I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respects."

Love yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself, and leave the rest to God. Forget what everybody else thinks.

Yours Truly,

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

♥ Vent. (v.)

I love people. I really do. When I’m not around people I feel uneasy and lonely. God made me to be surrounded by fellowship and laughter- it’s the place I thrive most. Buuuut, like all other areas in life, there comes a time when I just need a break. I just need to find a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop somewhere that offers superb tea and a quiet corner for… quiet time. Reading time. Reflecting time. Praying time. I just need Me Time.

It must be an antisocial week for me because I’m also a little sick of Facebook and Twitter. Mostly because a lot of what I see goes a little something like this, “Drama. Drama. Drama.” or “Pain. Hurt. Pain. Hurt.” and you can only take so much of that before it becomes a little cloud that follows you around.

I’m demanding rain so that the little cloud can move along already.

My head hurts, my throat hurts, I sound like a bullfrog and everything in me just wants to crawl into bed and go to sleep for a day. Or a week. Whichever comes last.

I feel like I’m on a stretching table. With one responsibility strapped to each appendage. All pulling. All at the same time. I’m trying to be a good mother who provides quality time for her son; a good bridesmaid who is involved in the details; a good employee who completes all tasks with excellence; a good housekeeper who has all the laundry folded and healthy meals cooked at the right times; a good leader who can pour into other’s lives a love and interest so worthy of the calling; a good Lover of the Most High who sets aside time each day for intimacy and spiritual pursuit. And so, it feels like I’m in little pieces everywhere. And each those responsibilities are asking, “But, why can’t I have ALL of you?!”

I do adore this busy life though. It’s better than having no friends, no amazing wedding to look forward to, no one to invest in, and no activities crammed into each weekend leaving me bored and discontented.

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