Tuesday, February 17, 2009

♫ First Date Regulations

Ok show of hands...who likes dating??

Nobody does. I enjoy the game...the flirting, the dinners, the excitement of the first few dates, meeting new people, but the actual act of dating? No. No way. The awkwardness, the pressure to look right, sound right, do right. Why we’re so afraid to be ourselves, im not really sure, but you know you put on that extra layer of mascara...even if your personality doesn’t change. Or you pick your favorite jeans, favorite cologne and perfume, prepare for hours...both mentally and physically. Hoping that extra dash of pretty will send sparks flying. But what happens when you get there, and the sparks are absent. How do you make a graceful exit? How do you show that you’re interested without being needy in a scary creepy kind of way? How do you nail yourself a second date, or, lose your phone number?

Here’s my shot in the dark at the first date. Let me know your thoughts!

Online dating is a completely different ball game. Not only do I not have that experience under me to be giving advice, I don’t really want it. I do think it’s an awesome outlet for those that are uncomfortable doing it the old fashioned way...it’s more scary to me than anything, honestly. Anybody do it? Any success? Nightmares?

The "down-home" way:

#1. The first date should be done in a public place. Plenty of chit-chat and flirting can be done harmlessly in a non-threatening environment. In a public place, you can excuse yourself to put on some more pretty, check your phone, text your friends to give you a good exit, or even head for the door, in a graceful, polite, manner. Cooking her dinner is sweet, but not a first-date thing.

#2. Don’t bring anybody along. Not your mom. Not your best bud. Not your kids. Not your dog. It’s intimidating as heck to the other party. It’s just one more person to impress...and you’ll have them glancing at the door and looking for an exit all night. 3rd date. Maybe. When you think they’re ready to meet those that mean the most to you, then do it. Not the first date.

#3. Don’t pick a holiday. Sorry, but Valentine’s Day...CANNOT be a first date. No way. Or any holiday. It’s awkward, not only to you have to apply that extra dose of pretty-but also stress over if gifts are going to be necessary. Pick a normal day of the week even. Thursday’s are the best day of the week in my opinion. Less crowds in the restaurants, less love oozing out of your surroundings because it’s not a typical date night.

#4. Gents-go above and beyond. As much as we like to be treated as equals, we love to be spoiled from the beginning, and that old fashioned courting business will have us melting like butter. Bring flowers. Have the whole night planned so we don’t have to make a decision. OPEN HER DOOR. That’s huge.

#5. Be original. We don’t want to hear the same story on every date. And (here’s a secret about us women), we like to talk about ourselves. So,whether you’re interested in something long term or not, ask a lot of questions about her. Women, this goes to you too, if they ask a question, reciprocate it. That healthy balance starts from the first date.

#6. Call us. Text us. MySpace us. That night. Not in a creepy kind of way, just "I had a lot of fun, you were amazing, I’ll give you a call soon". A basic-had a good time, hope to see you again sometime. Then...the trick...wait at least three days. Maybe even a week. It’ll keep us curious, and you wont appear stalker-ish. If she doesn’t answer or call you back, try once more to show some persistence, then drop it. Granted it’s rude not to be honest, but take a ‘no’ when you see one.

#7. Women. If you’re interested, flirt like mad. Not in that over-the-top giddy giggly girl fashion, but in a wink as you’re leaving the table, touch his hand when he makes you laugh, compliment him (whether he admits it or not, he put on his best pretty for this show too), boost that ego. You might get some cockiness outta the deal, but it goes deep. Even the most confident men like to hear what you’re noticing. Don’t laugh at everything he says, everybody knows, including him, that he’s not that funny.

#8. In my opinion: don’t talk about a future date until the date is over. If the feelings aren’t reciprocated, it’ll be awkward the rest of the night. If they are, it’ll end the night too soon. Wait until you say goodbye, or surprise her and don’t say a thing (make her think that was it), then send that "you’re amazing, when can I see you again" text.

#9. Be honest. If you hate the food, say you hate the food. If he gives you butterflies, tell him, and vice versa. Takes the pressure off of having to remember girl-catching/guy-catching lines that your friend coached you in to saying. ;)

#10. Don’t go to the movies. Zilch on conversation, and you wont be able to feel them out at all. Go for dinner and dancing, or dinner and the park, or dinner and the zoo, etc. Figure out a little of what she’s in to beforehand and use that to your advantage (and vice versa). If they’re in to photography, tell them a camera is required, take them to the butterfly pavilion or zoo, and get some fun shots together.

Dating is more than tricky, it’s impossible. Nobody does it all right. Nobody is perfect at it. If they were, we’d all be married off to the perfect people by now. There are entirely too many single fools out there willing and ready to spoil you rotten, and share a night of awkwardness and excitement with you. And getting turned down, is natural. Don’t take it personally, it just means that the chemistry and magic wasn’t there for one or both of you. Even if she’s the girl of your dreams, if she’s not sharing you dream, do you really want to be with her? Oh yeah, and vice versa ladies.



Michelle said...

You hit that right on the money! Me and Randy met through match.com, so it does work. You really should do this as a career

Ashley! said...

#11. Turn your cell phone to silent before heading out on the splendid date adventure. Nothing is more lame than having your conversation interrupted by a telltale ringtone—though it does give your date a taste of your personality from a new view, depending on your choice of tone-age. This could be really good or really bad for you in terms of mental point-keeping that your date, I promise, is doing. Not only that, but how awesome do you think your date feels while you're texting someone else back? Why not just bring along a friend and ignore her that way?

#12. Don't follow in the footsteps of a past failed date of mine and criticize the food if you're out on a dinner date. Seriously, it doesn't make you look refined or manly to whine about your steak, your potatoes, or your tea. If you want to comment about the food, I suggest, "Yes, this ___ is great, but you should taste my homemade version. I'll make it for you sometime."

Sazaran said...

Oh maaaan, I am so outta the loop!

simply nikki said...

I'm responding to the internet dating have you done it question. First off, I met my now husband and father of my 3 beautiful children on... *drum roll please* MySpace! Of all places. But I wasn't looking, well not purposely. I guess we're always looking.

I've had bad experiences with internet dating though too, but I've also had some pretty bad "blind" dates as well! And the best rule for a first date I've experienced... no movies! You're so right. Like you mentioned, you can't talk and it's so impersonal! Movies are something I do with my girlfriends. I hate going to the movies with a man on a date. It's for people who don't know what else to do or what to talk about.

Daily Offensive (baha!) said...

~Thanks Michelle! :}

~Excellent points miss Ashley! I had people that text at the dinner table...especially when im trying to hold their attention.

~Thanks for responding Nikki! That's great that you had a chance meeting online...especially myspace of all places-i didnt even know that was possible! I think you're dead on about the movie thing too...it IS for people that have nothing better to do, or anything to talk about.

Thanks for reading y'all!


bill said...

Date what is that?

Anonymous said...

I disagree with number 2. I think your Mom should be taken on the first date!

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