Thursday, January 27, 2011

** 106 Days

YAY! We have our first Guest Blogger of 2011! Read along and provide your input. But most of all- enjoy! And if you'd like to submit your own guest blog, email us at -Sazaran and Nomz

So, can I just take a second to gush about married life? Because I love it. Adore it. Would MARRY married life, it's that good.

Even though I'm still effing up my signature, making the "i" and "t" in my last name nearly the same height; and the first time I verbally introduced myself with my married last name, I literally had to stop for a second to think about what my last name
was— there's not much to complain about.

You'd think after dating 11 years and living in sin for more than half of that, not a lot would change post-
I-do's, but I swear to the stars—there's this completely different glow to everything, like it's all been made new because we're married now. We're legitimately our own little family, writing the newest chapter of our lives with every red-light kiss and mid-week date night, and the mornings we send each other off to work with, "Love you, husband!" "Love you, my wife!"

Our life is this
we burned a CD full of Simon & Garfunkel ("Song for the Aski," "The Only Living Boy in New York," "The Boxer," "America") as our soundtrack to a winter-lit weekend afternoon in Colorado; and our fridge is topped with Fruity Pebbles, a basket full of tea, the lidded glass jar that holds treats for the Faces (our cats), and the empty alcohol bottle from my husband’s bachelor party with the colorful owl print on the back.

The mornings start with iPod serenades, and he randomly calls me in the middle of the day at work just to tell me a story about a customer, or how—Wednesday, actually—he had 200°F+ oil shoot out at him from a truck he was working on, and (I quote) I missed him "screaming like a little girl, then turning around and running face-first into the tire of a truck on the lift next to me. Yeah. I fell. And then screamed some more."

Yesterday morning, he bit my neck, and as I watched the telltale red mark appear in the mirror, he waved it away with, "If anyone asks? Just tell them I went all Team Edward on you."

It's just—married life is comfortable, in the best and truest sense.
It fits us so well. It's pure, and beautiful and exciting, and I'm fully loving every second of it.

106 days I've been married, and since the moment I began to take on the world as a Mrs., I've been asked, "
So, how's the married life?" about as many times as there have been days of it.
& every time, I get my glow on, happily replying with some variation of, "
It's amazing, I love it!"—only to get a knowing chuckle or Look in response, followed by, "I'll ask you again in a year!"

Is that really the magic, unspoken timeline? A year?

Does this newlywed glow—the sparkle I feel when I see my Facebook relationship status as “Married to,” or the cozy feeling of looking at my husband (!!!) snuggled next to me and the Faces tucked in between us, thinking, "This is our family"—does it come with an expiration date?

Are we doomed, 365 pages in, to shed our happiness & joy in favor of matrimonial monotony?

I hear "
I'll ask you again in a year," and wonder why it's such a feat to imagine that, a year from now or even 50, we—not to mention any other pair of newly-minted newlyweds—won't still be just as thrilled to be married.

Why would be any less in love, just because "that's what happens," or because it happened to someone else?

I look at these people who ask about my marriage (
which, for the record? makes me feel oddly adult to say; "my marriage")—these people nearly always being well-meaning, long-married people—and in the space between The Question and their humorless chuckles that follow, I wonder what their marriage is like; what makes them assume I'm just cresting the top of this mountain in my life, admiring the view, so blinded by the glow of my sparkler that I fail to notice a bottomless pit of despair around the next bend?

I saw the same thing when I was planning our wedding, and even now when I talk to newly-sparkled friends; it's so rare to find a former bride who doesn't immediately default to, "GOD, it was so stressful; I'm just glad it's over," when dispensing advice about wedding planning.
On the opposite end, there's me, this radiating ball of joy that wants to know all about people's wedding colors & invitation designs, asking about how the bride-to-be's feeling (
because seriously? no one does this—it's always, "How's the planning going?", never, "How are you doing?") and what style of dress she's dreaming about.

To each their own; I just never understand why, rather than chiming in with something positive, people always go straight for the dark & twisty.

Rationally, it all boils down to the fact that people only can speak to their particular experience, but it begs the question— is everyone really in such a lackluster state that they can't share any enthusiasm, rather than passive-aggressive caution, about being forever entwined with their one, only and always?

It's these people—the ones who tell me, "
I'll ask you again in a year," that I honestly do hope we run into again in the next 365— because a year from now, I know I'm going to have even more of a glow when I tell them how amazing it is that marriage just keeps getting better.
I know now, just like I did at 14, when people "knew" we'd break up as soon as we got to high school; just like I did at 18, when my sociology teacher informed
me that "there's no way we could last after graduation, no matter how happy we were," because he & I were just "too different"; just like I did at 22, when everyone "knew" we could never work things out— I know that our love isn't their love.

They don't know what it's like to live this life of ours; one we've built of barefoot kitchen dances, big dreams about Southern porches & sprawling garages, and the intricacies of having literally grown up together.

One we've peppered with our own vocabulary of words that don't make sense to anyone but us, and spun through with "Wish You Were Here," lakeside ice cream, dusty roads in the middle of summer and I-love-you's every night.

So, yes— ask me again in a year.


Lover of your BLOG! said...

I LOVE that you LOVE marriage! And I know in 365 days you will respond with the same positive responses as today!

Marriage takes TWO, committed, working together every single day. Sometimes it's not easy, sometimes you'll have to hit the 're-set' button...but that okay. Just never ever take marriage for granted or your spouse for granted.

Wake up every day, shower, do your hair, dress like you want his attention (no sweats or spandex...get my drift?) just get beautiful...because HE deserves to see/love the same beautiful gal he married. Don't get comfortable...keep it all fresh and exciting!

Happy for you missy! :)

bbuss said...

I still LOVE being married after 1 year and almost four months. (Ps? I hate the "so when are the little ones going to be running around?" question SO MUCH!!! None of your damn business, that's when!). It feels so new & exciting to me still, too. I like Lover of your Blog's advice. And I think it all depends on the couple, like you say. Also, a lot is different I think between getting married now and getting married 30 years ago. Like, I think it's SO SO SO important to live with the person you intend to marry because there are SO MANY things that you just don't know until you do. So, I mean, 30 years ago it was so frowned upon that I'm sure a lot of people just didn't know what they were getting into. But I think there is hope since those people are still married. Ramble, ramble, ramble. Awesome blog, ghostwriter.

SLR said...

Sooo... Your blog was beautifully honest and brave. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! I was brought to tears though, thinking about how far behind I am because I didn't find the "him" till after I married the WRONG "him" for the wrong reasons... I think it happens a lot more often than people think and is probably why people will ask you again in a year. Who knows though I could be wrong (about why people ask).

MANY people are not brave enough to revel in happiness and expect it to last--sure you'll have to work at it every now and then but seriously, WHY can't we expect this stuff to last right? MOST people assume the happier you are the less likely it is to last. At least that's what I was lead to believe which lead me to marry incorrectly. I married my friend who was not my lover and whom did not make my heart pitter pat, EVER...but we were good together, if I hadn't decided I needed my heart to flutter from the start to get through the hard times I'm sure we'd have been buried together. But alas, I'm a romantic and if that side of me is unknown by the man I am with I cannot function...learned it the hard way and so now am catching up and living life backwords....beautifully mind you but all wonky none-the-less...

Maybe next year I'll have you help plan my wedding, or at least I'll have to tell you all about my dress and music ;) I'm only guessing I know this blogger, not well but...maybe by next year...

Mrs. 106 (now 107!) days said...

@Lover of your BLOG! - Thanks so much! ♥! I'm beyond excited to see what the next 365's got in store for us as we take on the world with shinier left hands & a shared last name!
@bbuss - RIGHT?! It's like people think we made it official soley so we could start baking babycakes. It really all depends on how people ask, though. If we get, "So when are you starting a family?", I get all prickly and snarky, BECAUSE STOP ASKING ABOUT MY UTERUS OK; but if it's like, "I am SO excited for when you guys have kids!" I'm totally on board & just as dork-cited—because when we DO get around to it, our kids are going to be rock stars. (& I totally agree with you on the living together beforehand part; as long as it's something both parties are cool with & nobody's beliefs are getting compromised, it's such an awesome way to get a crash-course in what your one and always is REALLY like.)
@SLR - Thank you! I've always trusted in the belief that everything happens for a reason—& just maybe, your first marriage served to pave the way for you to end up exactly where you are now, doing your thing, on the verge of starting a brand-new chapter... life never has it out for us, you know? Everything works together to bring you exactly where you should be, even if sometimes it goes all MapQuest on you & leaves you in a random area. (P.S.? You let me know if you want ANY wedding-planning help, or to show off your dress/music tastes! I am SO in.)

The Hogan Bunch said...

One of my favorite blogs- ever :) Anyone who knows me and the Sexy (my husband of over 10 years) fully understands why i might LOVE and agree with everything you've so eloquently written... we get eye rolls, and looks of horror when we steal butt pinches on our way out of Target. I never think twice about gushing over how romantic he is, or how he still tells me how beautiful i am- every single day. For the people who are negative or are somehow convinced that i'm delusional and my marriage couldn't possibly be this blissful "still"- my heart hurts for them. I grew up watching my mom and dad steal kisses in the hallway, seeing my dad smack my mom's bottom as he'd walk by her cooking at the stove- and my favorite- we'd be driving somewhere as a family and out of nowhere my daddy would pull the car over and make a mad dash to a field of wild flowers and come back with freshly picked bouquet for his beloved... On Valentine's day this year they will be celebrating their 35 wedding anniversary- and they love each other more today than they did all those years ago- they cherish and respect each other to the fullest. That's what i grew up watching, observing, wishing and dreaming my grown up life would be like. And why can't it be that wonderful? Marriage is a constant work in progress, but it is also so magical. Bravo to you for sharing this blog and you're beautiful perspective! Happy married life to you! and to me :)

Mrs. 106 (now 107!) days said...

@The Hogan Bunch - I light right up to hear about your gorgeous marriage! ♥! Thanks for chiming in; I lovelovelove hearing stories like yours. Being old and in love (and still proving "those people" wrong with every butt pinch) is going to be such a blast, isn't it?! :)

Anonymous said...

Loved your blog! It is not very often that we see people that LOVE to be married, and that, my friend, is heartbreaking! I'm going on 3 years of being married to my best friend in the whole world and although it has not been perfect and there have been days that I wished he would sleep in the barn, I wouldn't trade it for anything! I LOVE being married, I love everything about it! It is hard work and it takes commitment on both ends, but man, when you have that, when you get that, it is truly amazing and wonderful, even with the bumps in the road and the days that you want to scream. So, in a year I hope you have the same glow in your eye and love in your heart and continue to say "I LOVE BEING MARRIED"... !

SLR (for now) said...

BTW I agree with you MRS. 107 and counting... EVERYTING happens for a reason and although it was an incorrect choice, it still blessed me in a few ways. BEST of all is I'd have never met Mr. Right without having taken that wrong turn in the first place.

He (Mr. Right/Turdface) pointed me at this song this morning too and it just fits soooo nicely with your blog IMO:

Nicole Blanchard said...

What an amazing start to an already wonderful Friday! It is a rare thing to find that kind of love so cherish every moment of it (like you already are)! It makes the world a bit brighter to know that there is epic love out there!

Nomz said...

You know, that Big Deal of a guy I'm with and I were just talking about how ridiculous it is that people pressure you in to next steps. Like, now that I've had a boyfriend for two years, we're supposed to get engaged so we can hurry up and get married. And THEN people will expect us to have babies. Like, hi, if we rush things, what's left to look forward to?

I do believe that when you find, and strive to keep, real deep-down happiness with somebody (because it's an act, not a thing), you never lose that buzz. You'll never lose it.

I know you both. I love you both. And I wish the whole world could find that kind of love. You're unselfish, you're giving, you strive to impress and please each other after eleven years(!!!), and as long as that keeps on happening, that love-drug you're smoking will never stop giving you the high.


CB said...

I love you blog and your attiute toward marriage. I soon will be celebrarting my ninth wedding anniversary. It seems crazy! And guess what; I still am madly in love with my husband. It does become "different" overtime, but I am still so proud to be called his wife and can get almost giddy about it. The people who don't are the ones who are really missing something. It is ok for a couple to get comfortable together and have that different relationship. I do not have to dress up for my husband to love me. He loves me just as much on the days I am in my sweats and pony tail as the days we get dressed up and go out. Our relationship grows and changes, but it is still based 100% on the fact that we are crazy for each other. I have never met you, and I have no doubt that you will continue to enjoy each day in marriage because it is something to enjoy! Congrats!

Anonymous said...

I have been married for almost 12 years, and yes some days are very trying adn it takes work. No one ever said it would be easy but at the end of the those long hard days if you can look at the one you have married and still know that you love them with every ounce of being in you then you know you will be happy forever. I am still as much in love with my hubby as I was the day we got married./ 3 kids and 12 years later we still lose ourselves in each other on a daily basis. I wish you the very best and for those people who say "I will ask again in 365 days" tell them go ahead because I am happy and will forever be happy.

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