Le Divorce

It’s odd how often divorce is brought up, discussed, argued over, etc. It’s a really sad thing that all too many people are going through. It’s all too common, and it’s heart wrenching. We had a ghost blog come in this week on it, and thought we’d add our own twist to it by giving it a few different perspectives. We ask that you participate by commenting, but as always-and especially this time-for a healthy, non-judgmental discussion. Those that feel the need to come down on our writers, our authors, or our comment-ers will be deleted. We appreciate you opening up your heart and mind to this blog, and love you for taking the time to read it and think hard about some of the things said. It took a lot of guts to put this stuff out there!

Nomz:

It’s been over a year since I left. According to my therapist, I’ve been mentally gone for about two and a half. That’s right…I have a therapist, and I highly recommend therapy to every person going through anything life-altering. I have an amazing support system-full of friends and family that both agree and disagree with my choice-and a therapist. An outsiders view with no emotional attachment, lending a shoulder and handing out expert advice.

Divorce sucks. It’s not easy. It’s heartbreaking. Even if you know with all your heart that you are not supposed to be there…you have to make that choice to break up a family. Whether you have kids or not, you’re walking away from your entire lifestyle. Your ex’s family. Your family has to let go of your ex (even in a healthy divorce, relationships with opposite families are completely shaken). People will judge you. Cast you out. Give you advice that’s not welcome. Make you feel unloved. Some people will encourage you to make the choice for you. As much as you want support, you don’t want to talk about it. As much as you love your support system, you wish you were left alone. It’s the most emotionally shaking experience you’ll ever go through, one that follows you forever, and changes every relationship going forward. It’s the definition of “baggage”.

You’ve got remember though…divorce doesn’t separate you from Christ’s love. You’ve got to remember that finding your happiness, finding your true self…is more valuable than any other persons opinion. You’ve got to follow your heart, and trust that you’re making the right call. You’ve got to stand strong when you feel like crumbling. It’s amazing how many new opportunities came my way when I chose to walk. Things really worked themselves out, almost as a sign that I did the right thing. In fact, I'm confident I made the right choice...if for no other reason than to realize that I'm happier now then I ever was there. I also think you have to go through something bad-to appreciate when things are great. I've found somebody amazing, and am so happy that I'm not taking that for granted.

The statistics are scary. Divorce isn’t “right”, in my opinion…but sometimes, when you’re young and naïve, you make choices you shouldn’t. And you have a right to change your mind. One door closes to another door opened. As long as you love yourself, it doesn’t really matter what everybody else thinks.

People ask “how do you make that choice? How do you walk away?” Or…”overnight you went from happy to divorced.”…let me tell you, from an outsiders view, it may seem like relationships break overnight. It takes time to fall in love with a person, and it takes time to fall OUT of love with a person. It’s not ever overnight. And it hurts like hell. God can heal broken relationships, God can heal you-should you choose to walk.

"My Song" when I made that choice...I listened to it over, and over, and over....



You can read most of what I learned here: Letter to Me. Follow your heart…your “inside voice”. It’s the only thing that won’t lie to you.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

Sazaran:

I was going to write a whole, heartfelt blog about getting through divorce without feeling like Hell is your destination... that was a little too serious for me. I shall save it for a different time. Right now, I will introduce you to some awesomely therapeutic breakup songs that will rock your face off, get a little aggression out and make you feel better about the breakup. It's cheaper and more efficient than a shrink, right?!

#1. All American Rejects- Gives You Hell (we all have to admit it, the best line is "truth be told, I miss you and truth be told... I'M LYIN'")

#2. P!nk- So What. Yeah, try not to sing along with this song and feel like the strongest.woman.ever. I dare ya.

#3. Kelly Clarkson- Already Gone (Bimbo Jones Remix). I'd like to change one line in this song: "You could have loved me better."

Take these songs with a glass of Arbor Mist and if you don't feel better by the morning give me a call.....

Ghost Blogger:

The Dreaded ‘D’ word...or should we say, the beginning of new ‘L’ (Life)?

This blog is about DIVORCE. That darn ‘D’ word is almost as bad as the ‘F’ word...people don’t like to say it, talk about it or do it.

This blog may be a bit too much for some of you to read, but please read it anyway. Read it for yourself, read it for your friends, read it for your parents or your children. You may not agree with the content of this blog, but that is ‘ok’...you are entitled to your own opinion. This is about ME and sharing my past divorce experience.

I myself have been through a divorce. My husband and I were more like roommates or good friends after many, many years of marriage. We loved each other still, but were not IN love with each other and hadn’t been for several years. We married at a very young age, then grew up and grew apart. We continued to attend church every Sunday morning together. We also attended family dinners, weddings, funerals or what have you, together. We put on such a ‘happy’ front for everyone, that none of our friends knew that we were truly unhappy.

The thought of divorce was extremely scary. We would need to divide and separate all assets. We would lose all our couple friendships (or those couples would need to decide whose side to take). Our families would be distraught because they still would want to invite both of us to dinner. Our church family would be shaken...’oh my, who cheated on whom’, of course assuming the worst because that is how the rumor mill goes.

Fast forward. The first year after our divorce was an emotional time for all, our families adjusting to our split, even though we were still ‘friends’. Our church connections accepting us sitting separately at church services. Our close couple friends understanding that they could still be friends with both of us and if not, they were truly not our friends in the first place.
Fast forward again. Even though after that many years of being married, we had finally divorced...we are BOTH now in new and wonderful loving Christian relationships. We are both MUCH happier in our new lives, with our new (and old) friends, and our Church community still loves us both, more than ever. Why? Because we are NO longer ‘faking it’ for the outside world. We are now in loving and productive Christian lives.

God does not like divorce, at all. But, also, God will not judge us alone, on this one major event in our lives. God wants us to be truly happy. I know God loved me before my divorce and I know God is happy with me now and loves me unconditionally.
Take that chance, take the hardest step you’ve ever taken, hurt a little, hurt a lot, rock the boat...but...be sincerely happy and joyful for the rest of your life...

-Ghost Blogger