You know that part that was put into every woman, the part that helps them work their curves with a magic that stuns every man and gets them a discount or free drink anywhere? I think it got left out of me. Seriously, I watch my lovely friends bat their eyes and talk with angelic voices and I just.can't.do.it. Never have I escaped a speeding ticked by applying lip gloss or showing a teensie bit of cleavage. Oh, I've tried, but I end up feeling like a total dork.
I haz no sex appeal.
Bend and snap does not work for me.
So, I'd like a few words from you ladies that do it so well. What is your secret?? I'm not looking to play men or get myself into trouble; I'd just like to experience it, for once. You know, feeeel the power. What is there to it? The flipping of the hair, the pouting of the lips, the swaying of the hips- I try it and end up looking like a tangled fish with a hip problem. Me? Complaining? No, just curious. So, let me hear your little stories about your charm and what it got ya. Consider it my lession #1.
-Sazaran
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27 comments:
Lesson #1: It's not all about looks or cleavage.
However, that doesn't hurt either. ;) It's all about playing the game... kind of like cat and mouse. If you are amusing, funny, and witty then you should be playing the game. I'm not the ugliest duckling in the bunch but I'm definetly far from the swan ... one time I got pulled over for speeding, and I just so happened to make that police officer laugh so he let me off with a warning. I think it's all in the smile. but who knows... all I know is that it's worked for me. Good luck.
I'll admit it, I'm a flirt. Bad. I'm used to getting my way by doing it. I've actually "coached" people, lol. Flirting Coach. I'm like the female version of Hitch, according to a few friends. :)
It's alllllll in the eyes...or at least your body language. I don't think it's so much cleavage, men aren't just after the sneak show or the easy girl. You have to be a tease, and not with your body itself, but by the way you use your body. Just when they go to touch you, you walk away. When they lean in, you pull away. When they ask you to dance, you tell them "maybe later" and walk away. When they pull you over on the road, you play innocent-not easy. Like "oooooh...was I speeding? Stupid car, I hate being a girl, I know nothing about this thing....".
Things you need to work on:
#1. Batting your eyes. Something about it keeps them intrigued.
#2. Less cleavage.
#3. Pouty faces.
#4. Witty responses to lame pick up lines.
#5. The walk...not so much shaking your hips, but when you decide it's time to walk away and you know he's going to be watching...you don't want to trip and fall. :)
#6. Boy speak. A flirt is The Girl Next Door...you pretend to know lots about cars and football and beer, and when the pressure is on then you can say something funny like "will you check my windshield wipers? I think they're out of batteries"...and then it's cute.
You've got one of the prettiest faces I've known, and you've got a hellova body miss Sarah, I doubt you have any problem with this at all-to be honest. :) Pouty faces arent everything either.
Nomz
I agree with Nomz. I don't know you personally but from your pictures I can tell you that you are a stunning woman (with a great bod) and your charisma shines through even in pictures. Judging by the friends you have you are a great person so my advice to you is to just be yourself. I am not a flashy person, nor do I have the big boobs, drop dead body, or super model face but I am REAL and I am who I am; take it or leave it. I snagged myself a pretty awesome guy after my divorce and all it had to do with was fate so be yourself and put it in God's hands and one day you too will find that special person.
And I am pretty sure if I tried the bend and snap I would throw my back out and really look like an idiot!
Some men like to be teased, yes, but others like to be approached and 'controlled'.
From my past experiences I shall share (what worked best for me) the following:
When I was young and looking for a man, I would walk into a bar, dance hall, restaurant, church, grocery store...and take a good long look around the room. I would chose one male, that looked harmless, good looking, healthy, stable etc. and immediately make eye contact with him. The eye contact would say "You will be mine, at some point".
Then yes, play a little hard to get, walk by him, keep giving him the eye and at some point, BE FORWARD with him. Say, "hey, I think we should dance (now!) or go have coffee (now!), blah, blah".
Some men like being approached and hit on, because trust me, MOST men don't have the pick up lines that would make me melt.
It worked for me with my husband! Try it!
Although people may think it's cute and innocent, it really isn't. It's called manipulation. Before being written off as an over reaction, I'd ask yourself if that behavior is virtuous in anyway. Using your sexuality to deceive men into giving you what you want. In that context it doesn't seem so innocent and cute anymore. "Flirting" as you guys claim it is- would be one thing in the courting process with a potential mate. But I don't think that's whats being discussed here, you are "flirting" (lying) to someone you have no intention on having any relationship with. Shame-shame ladies! Although in a different context, Proverbs talks about the seductress; saying she seduces with her "pretty speech" and "flattery". I'd probably take into account what your Savior would think of the behavior next time. Sarah, you are a knock-out with a brain, no need to stoop to the "bimbos" level. Your far better and have more integrity than that (obviously because you are no good at it)..
One other quick comment.. Although one being more devious than the other; what's the difference between a women batting her eyes to get out of a speeding ticket or "swangin' the hips" to get a free drink ::: and a guy telling a women everything she wants to hear to get her in bed and kicking her to the curb the next morning? I think it's the same frame of mind...
Fred,
Maybe I didn't start out my blog the right way. My intentions are not to just hook up, get out of a speeding ticket (the last one I had was ten years ago) or charm any man into a short-term fling. I have priorities and know that my image reflects upon Christ. What I am trying to do here is provide a humorous, entertaining blog whilst truly asking how I can present myself in a manner that allows me to approach men more easily. This is the issue I have most of all, my awkwardness.
AND actually, knowing how to do the above mentioned things does make a marriage fun- as long as a woman reserves her charm and wit for the man she has committed herself to. SO, my point remains the same- LADIES, BRING ON THE ADVICE. :)
I think the key in making it WORK for ya is KNOWING you have what they want (regardless if they want it or not) but pretending you have no idea that you have IT--whatever that is... GREAT eyes, nice breasts, a good rear...whatever you know you have that they want...but you pretend you don't know...
So you wear your revealing whatever, bat your eyes etc... but keep it on the DL that you know you have what they want.
I swore I got ripped off all these years. I'm only barely coming to terms with these skillz. Maybe you're late, like me.
I'd be willing to bet you gots all sorts of good that the rest of us are missing.
I'm not sure I was really insinuating the above about you. The topic and comments interested me and lit a spark in my mind as to some of the relevant issues being sorted in this good ol' noggin' of mine. I think it's very intriguing examining the inconsistencies and hypocrisies of the female mentality towards the opposite sex. Being that this blog is primarily from a female perspective and read by primarily women, I thought I would say how I see it from a males point of view. Obviously not well recepted. I retract the "knock out with brains" comment previously stated - jerk. :P
Fred, I'm sorry, am I missing something? Not one woman spoke out against your opinion. Only me and it was to clarify my position on this blog. Your comment is exactly why women feel the need to use their sexuality to get what they want- most men are ASSES like you just proved yourself to be. So how would they be able to take your opinion and log it into their thinking as, "Oh, this guy, he's a keeper. Let me put away that flirty feeling and let him just take an open stab at my heart." And you honestly think a woman would have respect for a man and want to truly work to get him if he acted as you do? There is no shame on me, my dear, shame on you.
Uh Fred... The key that you seem to have forgotten is that "flirting" is not necessarily a sexual thing either... Car salespeople do it all the time. Wait staff does it because that's how they get their income (same with the sales people)... Flirting is not always sexual by nature... What I see as flirting often boosts the ego of the person being flirted with and both of the parties generally tend ot come out of the experience rather happy...
Deception and flirting are two different things sure one can flirt in order to decieve but the two do not always go hand in hand.
All in good fun Fred...life in general does not have to be as serious as you seem to make it...and no, swinging hips for a drink is not the same as telling a woman what she wants to hear and then kicking her to the curb...no one is lying when they are shakin' it...but someone is lying when they say "please stay the night we can make this a long term thing" when they mean "I just want some tail and you can go ahead and get out of my life in the morning"...
Wow. Really? Wow.
P.S. Fred, I'd like to know your true identity... so I know to steer clear of you. How else would you have previously known I am a "knock-out with a brain" and have bimbo friends? Or were you scraping for some wit, there, yourself?? T'was the latter, I methinks...
Yes fred... Really... I'd like to know your age at least... You seem like perhaps a youngster getting all serious like you are about "flirtting"... Or you have a serious ax to grind.
BTW Sara, I LOVE to flirt with the hubby...it's quite fun..LOL
Actually, Sara, the definition of flirting is indeed tied to sexuality:
"playful behavior intended to arouse sexual interest" (Princeton).
I'm not sure how this got you so defensive. Maybe it hit a soft spot, maybe just the wrong day to open my mouth. Usually when I open my mouth I immediately put my foot in it, but I'm not quite sure I did that this time. I thought my points were valid. And more than anything I thought I was on your side. I don't remember calling anyone names or bimbos for that matter. But here's the thing.. The picture of "Stifflers mom" pushing up her boobs doesn't really help the case that this is a non-sexual topic. Of course it is. Because batting your eyes at another woman (unless her name is Donna, wears a sleeveless shirt, and has a mullet) really wouldn't work. Now would it? And like I said previously, in the courting process or in a relationship I think it is completely acceptable. But I'm not convinced that's what being discussed here. How it appears to me is a thread discussing how to manipulate men, and patting each other on the back when another "cute" idea is brought up. All seriousness aside (and trust me, I'm not serious, because I've been laughing to myself this whole time), I don't think it's cute, but hypocrisy at it's finest. That's why I brought up the analogy of a "sleep over". Secondly, you wonder who I am and how I know something about you. But it's not hard to look at your pictures on here and read your other posts to realize you are who I said you are. Duh. Don't flatter yourself. Maybe I'm just a passer-byer. Still doesn't defeat a valid point on a blog open to the public. So, I'm expecting your next post to be something more like the last few, trying to attack me personally and taking what I said out of context. But I think your better than that. I think you know it's silly to look for pointers on how to manipulate. Your blog - do what you want. p.s. "I'm too sexy for mah shirt, too sexy for mah shirt, so sexy it huurts."
"On the cat walk yeah! On the cat walk.. I shake my little tush on the cat walk.."
Well... As much as I liked reading the comment section of here... have we strayed from Sarah's point?
I'm sure we all digress... so don't feed Fred's fire and don't push Sarah's buttons... and we'll be peachy keen k? ;p
Sarah--it's all about being confident in YOU. Forget the boobs, the makeup, the hard to get, etc.
First step is looking inside you, finding what about you makes you confident, and using THAT to make everything Naomi said work ;)
I'm definitely not perfect, but I feel like it when I get in my groove. I feel sexy working HTML code and computers. Is that not the most effed thing in the world? But it works for me... and baking cookies helps. Guys love cookies ;)
I think Fred & Reese are dead-on accurate. This notion that, beyond make-up & style (or in a guy's case, deodorant and clean clothes), you have to amp-up your sexuality beyond who your really are is disingenuous.
A girl friend (not girlfriend) of mine once observed that men marry women for who they ARE, and women marry men for what they think they CAN BECOME. I don’t think that’s a universal truism, but in the wrong circumstances will do nothing but lead to future heartache. But the notion is certainly true for me and the guys I know. I don’t know any personally that really like the chase. They like the capture. Guys that enjoy the chase usually have an ingrained “catch & release” mentality, because they want to move on quickly to the next chase.
My perspective had been that if you wanna be evavise, go for it. I’ll find someone else that’s more honest about how they feel about me and who they are. Life’s too short to decypher what’s real and what’s fake. And I did a long time ago, and we’re still together.
If you put on a front of exaggerated sexuality (anything above who you really are), a guy may think that’s what he’s getting. And when you drop that front, when you’re no longer “on” (as “in character” for that persona), they may not like getting duped.
You'll never find the right guy until you are right yourself. Guys don't want a slutty flirt, they want a girl that is SUCCESSFUL, HONEST, FRUGAL, PRETTY, SWEET and FUNNY! Keep your boobs in your shirt, your eyelashes at a steady pace and go to school and get a great job and become something. Only then will you find the right guy!
Hey-hey! Now we're getting somewhere. Although the post was one thing, its’ comments have gone a different direction. I like it! Much more interesting.
Here's the underlying point I've been trying to make. If you’re setting THAT kind of bait, it's THAT kind of fish you’re going to catch. Nah mean dogg?
Women; let's be honest.. Your not that tall (heels), your boobs are not that big (push up bras), your skin isn't that unblemished (make up), your nails are not that long (acrylic). Now you’re going to “pretend” you like football..and tell me your wipers are out of batteries? And guys are the jerks?
Show some cleavage, and yes I will look. Hell, I’m a guy. Tell me you like football and I probably will believe you. Your wipers are out of batteries, aww how cute. Bat your eyes and pout and I will probably melt. BUT! Three weeks from now I will catch on and you’ll be telling all your girlfriends, “I don’t know what happened, it was going sooo well, and then… What a jerk.. Men are jerks.”
Here’s another twist to the action. You wonder why men treat you like a sexual object… Really? Isn’t it self evident?
Now, I’m not projecting this on anyone. From what I know, there seems to be some classy women (broads lol) bloggers on here, just some things to consider and think about. Sorry I got everyone’s panties in a bunch, especially you Sazaran. I believe pissing people of is a gift I have. It’s nothing more than challenging people’s thoughts and beliefs- which pisses people off.
Right Said Fred – Signing off.. “I’m too sexy for mah caahr, too sexy for mah caaahr.”
"...too seggsssy by faaaarr..."
Wow. I leave the blog for two days and look what happens. :)
These comments are AWESOME. Love it!
I agree with Sara-that flirting can be innocent and fun, and I agree with Fred-that it can insinuate things that aren't necessarily fair. Most of the time though, it's all in good fun...at least from my perspective. And I think flirting can be used to keep already healthy relationships, strong. Flirting is a fancy way of saying teasing, so no, it's not always completely honest and true to self. Neither is buying a girl a drink because you may or may not be interested in looking down her shirt...or having a conversation. Or, smiling at a girl because she's pretty, etc. We all do it, in one fashion or another. It's human nature to have teasing interactions.
I LOVE that right after Fred starts singing, anonymous joins in on the chorus, *HIGH FIVE*.
Excellent blog, Sazaran. I love getting feedback. LOVE the comments, can't say that enough-thanks to all who participated!
Sarah...Reese gave you one of the best tips of everybody:"First step is looking inside you, finding what about you makes you confident...." Sometimes, inner confidence is enough-and we all know you've got that. You're beautiful and confident, and need no help. You just havent noticed all the guys tripping over you as you continue walking. ;)
Nomz
I dunno, Nomz (on your broad meaning of flirting). I think you guys gotta work on treating the meaning of words for what they mean, not for what you want them to mean.
Guys tease/taunt other guys. They don't flirt with each other (well, unless, you know...). Same for girls? Maybe they do, I'm not a girl (although I've been labeled one for a particularly bad throw).
When you're talking about flirting in the realm of two individuals/groups that have potential romantic or sexual interest -- flirting only has one meaning.
Waiters and salespeople flatter ("to play upon the vanity or susceptibilities of; cajole, wheedle, or beguile" to garner a better tip or sale). And maybe that progresses into flirting if the service/sales provider thinks they have an attractiveness advantage over the customer... either way its false representation of who you are.
Hey, if both parties know it for what it is, no harm (like in a married relationship). But as a way to get a stranger interested in you or to gain some material benefit, it's wrong.
Anonymous, point(s) taken. Let me ask you something, since you're a guy: how would you want a woman to catch your attention? Using humor, wit, a pretty smile and apparel that compliments her figure (but does not make her look like a floozy, of course.) are acceptable, correct? If not, please tell me that a boring, personality-less slob is not your 'ideal'. To be ones self is grand advice, but what if said self is too shy, has a studder or lacks self esteem enough to rely on a man seeing her inner beauty? Don't get me wrong, looks aren't everything... but first impressions play a big part in the whole dating scheme.
(for Sazaran's last comment)
Let's first make some "going-in" assumptions... I'm going to see her first. So the first impression is going to be visual. The girl that would INITIALLY catch my interest to begin with would have to reflect that she shares my own simple self-expectations: willing to take her of herself physically (stays in relatively good shape, not necessarily perfect, but clearly tries to eat healthy & exercise), doesn’t get drunk, doesn’t smoke. Hair color isn't that important to me. Wearing the latest style isn’t important to me, the pricetag that it took to buy the clothes is sooo unimpressive to me – clean jeans (faded or not) & a simple T would look great if the contents are taken care of. Big boobs? Big deal. Expensive clothes, expensive jewelry, flashing body parts all add up to “high maintenance.”
Well, personally (can't answer for every guy), simply meeting my eyes directly with sweet, sincere smile would do it -- and it doesn't have to be some fawning stare with million-dollar enamels to go with it. In fact, the simpler the smile, the more it seems to establish some kind of private, honest connection. Just for a couple of seconds, something clear enough that it wasn't a coincidental glance between two people, but one that says, "You look/sound interesting, I'd like to get to know you better." That would be the bait. If he comes over, he’s interested. If not, maybe HE’S shy (or taken), but you go over, you say “Hi, you looked like you might enjoy my company as much as I might enjoy yours.” And just start talking.
How do you set the hook? When he talks to you (and assuming you still find him interesting after he opens his mouth and speaks). You listen to what he says (not just hear it, but really listen to it, process it, think about it) – and he should be listening to what you say. Difference of opinion? No, a chance to learn something different, and certainly not an opportunity to let him know that you can clobber someone with an opposing opinion. Me, personally? I want a connection not a confrontation. Someone who can see or recognize commonalities and not what they perceive as my errors in thought.
Humor? She doesn’t have to generate it, she just has to appreciate it. And not just mine no matter what. If I lay down a lame joke or do something in poor taste, I’d rather she had the honesty to roll her eyes on the lameness and call me on the poor taste.
Stuttering problem? Intensely shy? Sounds like you’ve got friends that can find the right guy that can look past that. But those sound like they’re hypothetical in your case. If not, see a speech therapist and a psychologist (for each respective hindrance). Style problem? Dress simpler. Style catastrophes are usually the result of trying too hard, no usually because you’re not trying hard enough.
Said self should be the way said self is. You want someone who wants you for who you are, not for some portrayal of what you think they want. Do you really want someone who’s interested in someone other than you?
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