♥Sorta Random, Not Really

I've been having these reoccurring dreams. Three, actually. And because I pretty much read in to everything, I'm wondering about these. Why they constantly pop up in my subconscious and what they could mean. They always play themselves out in the same way, every time.

The first is about a tornado. Or thirty. In the beginning I discover the angry twisters approaching and run around to warn everyone of impending doom. Then I begin to gather to myself everything that is precious to me (my son, books, my camera and inevitably the six new kittens that my cat just gave birth to) and seek shelter. The sucking feeling I get from this dream is so strong and usually stays with me long after waking. Usually, throughout the dream, I am praying fiercely for safety, dominion over the storm, or for protection. This last time? I was actually sucked straight up into the tornado. The dream ended there.

The adventurous dream begins with a ginormous mansion. If I were an artist I could draw you the double-winding staircases, the cherry wood banisters and the red carpeted entry-way. It is stunning, elegant, alluring. As I step onto the short platform (feeling very much like Alice), I pass through the double doors into a room containing a grand piano and gasp, in awe. I never play the piano. From there I move through a series of boobie-traps, puzzles, tests, if you will. Right now, the only obstacle I can remember is a room that I must allow to fill with water before I pull a hidden handle. Said water and I are emptied out of the room as we rush into another. This room has a closet of some sort, with a trap door. The trap door is my ultimate destination because beneath it lies a vivid world of color and talking plants and animals. This is where the dream ends. I swear, I don't do drugs. The other version of this dream is a bit more sinister. It takes place within the same mansion. However, the feeling I have as the dream begins is not one of "Ooooh, this adventure, again!". I know that I have been called to the house because I am needed. I face the entry way as usual; however, rather than seeking out my fantasy land, I know that I must ascend one of the staircases to the top floor. There, a room awaits me that harbors an evil spirit. This spirit is not a happy, Casper-like entity. Rather is it violent and ready for a fight. I feel as if the air has been sucked out of the room and a gag has been wrapped around my mouth. It is a struggle just to speak the name "Jesus" and I pray in tongues, fervently and with determination as I prepare myself for battle. It never takes place only because I usually wake myself, groping in the darkness for the light switch and trying to calm my racing heart.

The last one is of epic-love-filled-proportions. I always dream of the same man; one I have known for a while. The dreams are not new- I have dreamed them before. However, they left for a while and now they're back; in fact, I've had this dream every night for the past three nights. Sometimes we're just friends and even the prospect of friendship is thrilling. Sometimes, we're together (always in the same place) and always I am so so so happy and so in love. This one, though, hurts the most. Is it because I miss what I could have had? Or because I am healing and open to new love? Is it my subconscious working out it's feelings or just allowing me to look forward to feeling love, if only fictionally?

Before I open the floor to interpretation I want to say that I believe in the power of dreams. I also believe that cheese pizza before bed can create some wild scenes. So, I really don't think anything of either dream in a sense of a "sign". Dreams, are tricky, aren't they?

Also, I'd like for you to share your re-occurring dreams and see if we can provide our own thoughts on them. :)

♫ Now I lay me down to sleep...

"Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
Guard me Jesus through the night,
And wake me with the morning light."

It's happening again. The nightmares are back. I got about four months without them, and they're back, rearing their ugly heads. Every single night, in color, and very, very real. I wake up shaking, crying, screaming, every single night around 3am. I say again, because I blogged on it in October: Nightmares 101.

I've taken all of my own advice. I've prayed. I've researched it some more. And I just don't get it. It's usually the same one over and over, my kids are taken from me and I have absolutely no control over it. I actually fully understand what an anxiety attack is...there are nights I can't breathe.

If I rewrite the dream, and calm myself down enough to go back to sleep, rare, another big fear will come in to play. Last night I lost my little brother to a tornado.

I'm curious, mamma's especially, is this normal? Is it because my girls are actually getting old enough and busy enough for me to panic about? Or are these vivid nightmares something I need to get help for?

My nightly routine:

Go to bed, sleep hard, wake up around 3am in some sort of emotional fit. Pray hard, turn on the music, and think myself back to sleep. Last night, this song came on. Amazing words.



"He makes me lie down in green pastures: He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul."
Dear Jesus, please make them stop.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

The Storm

Have you ever had that dream that occurs over and over in the exact same detail? I swear, I have a mini series of dreams- sometimes, I dream in re-runs and other times it’s a whole new dream with the same characters and surroundings. I love the way my mind works.

Anyway, I had a really cool dream a while back and I turned it into a short story. Hope you like it:

Standing atop a high mountain, overlooking expanse of earth below, she absorbed in the atmosphere around her; it was so serene… almost dream-like. She took a long, slow and deep breath.

The smell of the air just before rain.

Its clear, sweet scent enveloped her, surrounded her, filled her lungs and rushed back out as if in a hurry to rejoin its kin. With her arms slightly raised, fingers outspread and chin lifted, she welcomed tiny rain drops as they gently sprinkled upon each finger tip; her nose wrinkled at each kiss of the cloud’s droplets. She curled her toes and gripped the ground she stood upon; the grass felt soft beneath her.

Like standing on cool, green clouds.

As the wind picked up slightly, it lifted her brown locks above her shoulders and danced them around her face- each strand playing tag around her neck and along her back. Tiny goose bumps reacted to each raindrop carried by a hint of breeze that splashed on her arms, cheeks and legs.

Her eyes remained closed, until the moment she heard it.

A low rumble… thunder.

Her eyes sprang open and she scanned the horizon to the west of her mighty platform. An impressive array of clouds loomed dominantly; rolling over one another in a match to conquer more heavenly territory. She watched as each bolt of lightning reached to the earth and, for a moment, made contact. Never before had she seen such an amazing display of colors in a storm. Each lightening strike created a color only heaven could invent. They whipped, cracked, lashed and streaked against the sky with a wild and almost-angry performance.

There! Pink! Again- blue! Once more- purple!

Her heart began to beat faster.

What could cause this? What did it mean?

She turned to face the storm head on, to watch this glorious act of nature’s most beautiful- and deadly- pantomime. With each illumination, the hair on her neck stood on end and as she lifted her arm to eye level-the hair stood, simultaneously, as a bright pink bolt of lightning touched the ground and re-coiled.

This is no longer safe. You need to leave. Find shelter.

The thunder cracked- louder- and she flinched. She could see the enormous clouds now charging her way. They had become dark and cold; no longer adorned with a rainbow of colors.

Another thunder-clap, another streak of lighting shot toward her.

NOW!

She spun around and looked for the easiest way down the mountain upon which she stood. The storm began to rumble in a threatening tone. Its silver lining and enticing candor now turned dark and menacing. She ran to the left, changed her mind and spun to the right. Where could she go?

Fear ripped through her mind and heart. She began racing down hill, careful not to lose her footing and fall. Rain began slapping and beating her; stinging like needles where kisses once teased. The wind opposed her like a brute force, determined to make her flight downward a nearly impossible task.

Her foot slipped and she slid down the mountain face. Her arms flew out to her sides as she searched for something to grab a hold of. Bushes and small shrubs offered no safety. She dug her palms and heels into the dirt; her skin tore with no resistance. After an agonizing few more feet, she finally came to a bloody and whimpering stop. Lying with her face in the dirt, she tried to catch her breath and silence her thoughts of panic.

The rain beat harder now, soaking her dress and hair. She lay there for a moment, tear streaked and out of breath.

Thunder- right overhead- loud and terrifying.

She rolled to one side and searched around for the bottom of the mountain; she was nearly there. Climbing to her knees she stood and stumbled down, over rocks and plants. With each shaky step she took, the earth fell after her- rocks lost their place attempting to make her lose hers.

A wind gust- forceful and bullying.

Forced onward, she staggered once more but didn’t fall. As her fear rose, so did her determination to get to the bottom of the mountain. She broke out into a run. She fell once, twice, three times- getting up every time with supernatural energy.

Finally her feet fell upon level ground. She ran toward the nearest building, sensing the storm at her heels and closing in on her hopes. She reached the first door and grabbed the handle.

Locked.

She didn’t miss a beat. She ran for the next door- and the next.

All locked!

No other buildings were in sight- she didn’t recognize where she was. It didn’t matter; she did not want to die. Not like this- not in this storm that had once captured her imagination and then turned sinister.

A strong gust of wind picked her up like a giant hand with an invisible, iron grip and hurled her into the air. Higher and higher she rose, watching as the ground fall away like a dropping ball.

Higher and higher still, she rose as the unrelenting wind kidnapped her from the ground. Her gasps were caught in her throat as she raced upward toward the terrifying clouds.

J-Jesus! Jesus!

She tried to cry out but her lungs were pounded and restricted by the altitude. She twisted around and- once again- faced the storm head on, bracing herself an impact beyond her imagination. Her arms flailed and reached out for nothing.

Her own piercing scream ripped her from the fearful sleep in which she had been trapped. Sitting up in bed, she rubbed her eyes and pulled away her nightgown that clung to her sweat soaked skin.

Silence. Sweet, reassuring silence.

She glanced to her left and rose to walk toward her window. The night sky welcomed her visit as each star twinkled in grandeur, offering comfort with their beauty. She laughed a little to release the tension, silently scolding herself for being so unnerved by a dream. As she walked back to her bed to rest in the stillness, a sense of anticipation overwhelmed her…