♫ Dating Rocks, Right?!

Im starting to wonder if heartbreak is a requirement to get through life. Everybody has to be stung once, and hard, to find something real. And I can tell you, that I believe it’s worth the pain. If you can learn to trust again, have faith that someone wont drop your heart and make a mess of it, what you find on the other side of all that pain, really is worth it.

I love listening to people talk about their dating history. You hear the best, and worst, of all things out there. You get to hear what works for some, and not others. Long distance, uber-romantic, un-romantic couch surfing relationships, online dating, and high school sweethearts. The only thing I haven’t experienced I think, nor heard the stories, is speed dating. If anybody has one of those to share, I’d be enthralled.

My history, gently and briefly put to avoid further heartache on anybody’s account (because honestly, I have no idea who all reads this blog):

My high school sweetheart was the man of my dreams. At least I thought so. We were together three years. Long distance, and then not. Summer love, and then not. And finally, the awesome ending by way of the phone. Dating after that was nothing short of thrilling. We wont go in to how many guys (or who, ah hem), ive kissed (Back off of that idea right now, this girl has one of the lowest "numbers" around.). What can I say, those that know me best, know im obsessed with lips. I dated some great guys. I dated some trash. I dated some scary, scary dudes. Unfortunately, I’ve been on both the married, and unmarried side. The cheated on, and cheating side. Neither of which, am I proud of. For being a young 25 year old, I’ve had enough experience for anybody I think. You’ve heard me say it recently, more than once, my new guy rocks. A whole different breed this one, and it scares the heck outta me.

Anyway. The point is, I’ve been there ladies. I know what it’s like to hurt, and be hurt. And I know, that once you actually give your all to somebody, it feels impossible to get it back. I know that youre terrified of the opposite sex, thinking they’re all evil, and out to get you. That any day they’re going to go from the man of your dreams, to asshole, as if somebody flipped a switch. You’ve got to trust though, and take the risk of being hurt, to find something, and somebody, worth it all. Have I? I don’t know yet. That’s the best part really. I’d like to think so. But if I cant put my fears behind me, I’ll never find what we’re all out there looking for right?

So, you’re terrified, girls, right? You’re scared to death that the guy that trampled all over you, is going to reappear in this next one? You know, the more im around the nice guys especially, the more I realize they fear the same thing. It seems, that life is equally unfair to them. For whatever reason, the good ones, end up with those evil women that life to give our kind a bad name. Im also starting to realize there are a lot of crappy people out there, and all we can do is pray they find each other. ;)

I’d like to think even, that the worse the card that you got dealt, the one that broke your heart, the better one you get dealt once you pull through it and move on. Life is a poker game, and you’ve got to find one worth betting on.

If you’re unhappy, know that you deserve to be happy. There is somebody out there that will complete you, and I wont believe any less. Relationships take work. They’re not always going to be easy or fun. But you get what you put in, and I believe that too. Nothing worth it in life comes easy, so the things you try hardest for, the things you pour your passion deepest to, will prove themselves worthy.

Yours Truly,
Nomz

♫ Slow to trust, but I'm quick to love, I wish too hard, and I give too much, I ain't sayin' I'm perfect, But I promise I'm worth it. ♫

♫ First Date Regulations

Ok show of hands...who likes dating??

Nobody does. I enjoy the game...the flirting, the dinners, the excitement of the first few dates, meeting new people, but the actual act of dating? No. No way. The awkwardness, the pressure to look right, sound right, do right. Why we’re so afraid to be ourselves, im not really sure, but you know you put on that extra layer of mascara...even if your personality doesn’t change. Or you pick your favorite jeans, favorite cologne and perfume, prepare for hours...both mentally and physically. Hoping that extra dash of pretty will send sparks flying. But what happens when you get there, and the sparks are absent. How do you make a graceful exit? How do you show that you’re interested without being needy in a scary creepy kind of way? How do you nail yourself a second date, or, lose your phone number?

Here’s my shot in the dark at the first date. Let me know your thoughts!

Online dating is a completely different ball game. Not only do I not have that experience under me to be giving advice, I don’t really want it. I do think it’s an awesome outlet for those that are uncomfortable doing it the old fashioned way...it’s more scary to me than anything, honestly. Anybody do it? Any success? Nightmares?

The "down-home" way:

#1. The first date should be done in a public place. Plenty of chit-chat and flirting can be done harmlessly in a non-threatening environment. In a public place, you can excuse yourself to put on some more pretty, check your phone, text your friends to give you a good exit, or even head for the door, in a graceful, polite, manner. Cooking her dinner is sweet, but not a first-date thing.

#2. Don’t bring anybody along. Not your mom. Not your best bud. Not your kids. Not your dog. It’s intimidating as heck to the other party. It’s just one more person to impress...and you’ll have them glancing at the door and looking for an exit all night. 3rd date. Maybe. When you think they’re ready to meet those that mean the most to you, then do it. Not the first date.

#3. Don’t pick a holiday. Sorry, but Valentine’s Day...CANNOT be a first date. No way. Or any holiday. It’s awkward, not only to you have to apply that extra dose of pretty-but also stress over if gifts are going to be necessary. Pick a normal day of the week even. Thursday’s are the best day of the week in my opinion. Less crowds in the restaurants, less love oozing out of your surroundings because it’s not a typical date night.

#4. Gents-go above and beyond. As much as we like to be treated as equals, we love to be spoiled from the beginning, and that old fashioned courting business will have us melting like butter. Bring flowers. Have the whole night planned so we don’t have to make a decision. OPEN HER DOOR. That’s huge.

#5. Be original. We don’t want to hear the same story on every date. And (here’s a secret about us women), we like to talk about ourselves. So,whether you’re interested in something long term or not, ask a lot of questions about her. Women, this goes to you too, if they ask a question, reciprocate it. That healthy balance starts from the first date.

#6. Call us. Text us. MySpace us. That night. Not in a creepy kind of way, just "I had a lot of fun, you were amazing, I’ll give you a call soon". A basic-had a good time, hope to see you again sometime. Then...the trick...wait at least three days. Maybe even a week. It’ll keep us curious, and you wont appear stalker-ish. If she doesn’t answer or call you back, try once more to show some persistence, then drop it. Granted it’s rude not to be honest, but take a ‘no’ when you see one.

#7. Women. If you’re interested, flirt like mad. Not in that over-the-top giddy giggly girl fashion, but in a wink as you’re leaving the table, touch his hand when he makes you laugh, compliment him (whether he admits it or not, he put on his best pretty for this show too), boost that ego. You might get some cockiness outta the deal, but it goes deep. Even the most confident men like to hear what you’re noticing. Don’t laugh at everything he says, everybody knows, including him, that he’s not that funny.

#8. In my opinion: don’t talk about a future date until the date is over. If the feelings aren’t reciprocated, it’ll be awkward the rest of the night. If they are, it’ll end the night too soon. Wait until you say goodbye, or surprise her and don’t say a thing (make her think that was it), then send that "you’re amazing, when can I see you again" text.

#9. Be honest. If you hate the food, say you hate the food. If he gives you butterflies, tell him, and vice versa. Takes the pressure off of having to remember girl-catching/guy-catching lines that your friend coached you in to saying. ;)

#10. Don’t go to the movies. Zilch on conversation, and you wont be able to feel them out at all. Go for dinner and dancing, or dinner and the park, or dinner and the zoo, etc. Figure out a little of what she’s in to beforehand and use that to your advantage (and vice versa). If they’re in to photography, tell them a camera is required, take them to the butterfly pavilion or zoo, and get some fun shots together.

Dating is more than tricky, it’s impossible. Nobody does it all right. Nobody is perfect at it. If they were, we’d all be married off to the perfect people by now. There are entirely too many single fools out there willing and ready to spoil you rotten, and share a night of awkwardness and excitement with you. And getting turned down, is natural. Don’t take it personally, it just means that the chemistry and magic wasn’t there for one or both of you. Even if she’s the girl of your dreams, if she’s not sharing you dream, do you really want to be with her? Oh yeah, and vice versa ladies.

~Nomz