Im starting to wonder if heartbreak is a requirement to get through life. Everybody has to be stung once, and hard, to find something real. And I can tell you, that I believe it’s worth the pain. If you can learn to trust again, have faith that someone wont drop your heart and make a mess of it, what you find on the other side of all that pain, really is worth it.
I love listening to people talk about their dating history. You hear the best, and worst, of all things out there. You get to hear what works for some, and not others. Long distance, uber-romantic, un-romantic couch surfing relationships, online dating, and high school sweethearts. The only thing I haven’t experienced I think, nor heard the stories, is speed dating. If anybody has one of those to share, I’d be enthralled.
My history, gently and briefly put to avoid further heartache on anybody’s account (because honestly, I have no idea who all reads this blog):
My high school sweetheart was the man of my dreams. At least I thought so. We were together three years. Long distance, and then not. Summer love, and then not. And finally, the awesome ending by way of the phone. Dating after that was nothing short of thrilling. We wont go in to how many guys (or who, ah hem), ive kissed (Back off of that idea right now, this girl has one of the lowest "numbers" around.). What can I say, those that know me best, know im obsessed with lips. I dated some great guys. I dated some trash. I dated some scary, scary dudes. Unfortunately, I’ve been on both the married, and unmarried side. The cheated on, and cheating side. Neither of which, am I proud of. For being a young 25 year old, I’ve had enough experience for anybody I think. You’ve heard me say it recently, more than once, my new guy rocks. A whole different breed this one, and it scares the heck outta me.
Anyway. The point is, I’ve been there ladies. I know what it’s like to hurt, and be hurt. And I know, that once you actually give your all to somebody, it feels impossible to get it back. I know that youre terrified of the opposite sex, thinking they’re all evil, and out to get you. That any day they’re going to go from the man of your dreams, to asshole, as if somebody flipped a switch. You’ve got to trust though, and take the risk of being hurt, to find something, and somebody, worth it all. Have I? I don’t know yet. That’s the best part really. I’d like to think so. But if I cant put my fears behind me, I’ll never find what we’re all out there looking for right?
So, you’re terrified, girls, right? You’re scared to death that the guy that trampled all over you, is going to reappear in this next one? You know, the more im around the nice guys especially, the more I realize they fear the same thing. It seems, that life is equally unfair to them. For whatever reason, the good ones, end up with those evil women that life to give our kind a bad name. Im also starting to realize there are a lot of crappy people out there, and all we can do is pray they find each other. ;)
I’d like to think even, that the worse the card that you got dealt, the one that broke your heart, the better one you get dealt once you pull through it and move on. Life is a poker game, and you’ve got to find one worth betting on.
If you’re unhappy, know that you deserve to be happy. There is somebody out there that will complete you, and I wont believe any less. Relationships take work. They’re not always going to be easy or fun. But you get what you put in, and I believe that too. Nothing worth it in life comes easy, so the things you try hardest for, the things you pour your passion deepest to, will prove themselves worthy.
Yours Truly,
Nomz
♫ Slow to trust, but I'm quick to love, I wish too hard, and I give too much, I ain't sayin' I'm perfect, But I promise I'm worth it. ♫
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6 comments:
One of the lowesst numbers for kissing is right here. I married my high school sweetheart the second guy I kissed and have been married for 20 years. When its right you just know it and something changes, its a great feeling, keep looking and when you know you will know. Good luck Nomz.
I'm so glad to see you're enjoying every last moment of what you relationship is now <3 I think that's half the battle... learning to appreciate every spot you find yourself in with the boy lucky enough to hold your hand (and believe me, doll, he is LUCKY!) & grow together.
Life, and relationships, are not always about happiness. Sometimes they are about painful growth. Surviving the pain, rather than turning away from it (and into someone elses arms), causes love grow deeper and more meaningful. I dont think you are there yet.
There's a big difference between an educational, painful growth and the growth that sticks around for life. You can't be in pain for two years and feel that it's "necessary" in the relationship. You need to get to a point where you ask yourself, "How much pain is too much?" That's when you let go, and get to the point where you can open up again with someone else.
You're there. Ignore the bitchy comment before. You gatta take the bad with the good and you HAVE. Hence the new guy, the new challenges you'll face with your daughters and family, and the struggles in your heart between "is he good for me?" and "am i good for him?"
Is this the only pain you'll ever face? No. You've def got alot ahead of you with your young 25 year old self :) Just know that you're on the right road. If the future were already plotted out and you knew it, then life would be dull and boring!
I agree with the 4th comment person...ignore the bitchy 3rd one.
We are not like our parents...we are not all going to stay till the end no matter what (i.e. we aren't going to grow old ignoring each other, not talking, not having loving sex, etc etc!).
We want love, we desire love, we crave touching and interaction...we want happiness and we want to give so much to someone that will accept our gift.
I for one, want to grow old being touched, experiencing what I experienced when I was younger...I want to be loved, truly loved by my partner. If that means eventually leaving my husband who is an abuser, an angry person with no sexual desire anymore...then be it. God will still love me, for me! MY happiness is more important to ME, than to those around me who expect or are ordering me to 'do this, do that, hang in there, blah, blah'.
Go with your own happness Naomi! We are there for you young lady and we support you totally!
I ♥ my readers. All of them. Y'all tend to put a different twist on things, and continue to support and inspire me when I need it most.
Love ya,
Nomz
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