So there I was sitting in church, listening to a sermon about how temptation grabs ahold of ya and teaches you to have so much fun that you get addicted, crave more. As my fabulous aunt so carefully put it (without even knowing it), we got taught how to “sin wisely”! Of course, that wasn’t what the pastor was going for. He was preaching more along the lines of steer clear as much as possible to avoid getting latched on to those cravings. Strangely, what grabbed me the most out of the shpeal though, was a little bunny trail he ran off on about staying pure until marriage. To steal a few of his lines:
“If he loves you, he wont ask you to compromise your standards”, “If he’s asking you to sacrifice something so large right now, imagine how much he’ll ask of you once you’re married”, and my favorite quote of the whole talk “don’t give up on what you want most for what you want in the moment…because the moment lies.”
How many of us have given in to temptation-sexually-and then been completely heart broken, shattered, and left with empty promises and broken dreams? How many of us have given the utmost sacrifice for somebody, just to be let down or not receive the same in return?
I am no angel. I had sex with Kayce before I married him…got pregnant before I married him (twice). Thankfully, God forgives, and makes it his will regardless of your choices. I honestly believe though, had we waited, had we not sacrificed or compromised, our love would have had a chance to bloom on its own rather than being forced to do so.
I think, when you give in to somebody to prove your love…you compromise not only your body but your integrity and heart. Once that sacrifice is made, it’s extremely difficult to trump…and relationships get rocky and eventually lead to pains deeper than you ever imagined. I know Im not alone in this.
I also wonder where the romance goes. How often do we give up everything, just to realize there is nothing left? I want you to ask yourself…or even ask your partner…if we take sex out of the picture completely, what’s left? Do you have something to stand on without the physical relationship? Over time, life’s tingley’s seem to disappear, the romance fades, we lose site of those butterflies and goose-bumps, and all you have is sex. How do you rekindle the fire in an empty relationship? Take the sex out of it…figure out what you loved most about each other, what that magnetism was, before it became physical. Do you have to be “romantic”? No…I think that’ll come naturally.
Kind of a healing trail I went off on there, but the point is…don’t ever compromise yourself, your standards, or your heart for somebody else. At the end of the day, all you have is you. If they cant love you for you…without giving them something in return, then they’re not worth it. Raise the bar. Remember that the moment lies. And keep in mind that once you get a small taste of something sweet, it’s hard not to eat the whole cake.
-Nomz
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14 comments:
Preach it sista!
Sazaran
Well said Nomz! Wish we could all turn back time...with what we know now. We ALL would do things different.
Well said Nomz!
"but the point is…don’t ever compromise yourself, your standards, or your heart for somebody else. At the end of the day, all you have is you. If they cant love you for you…without giving them something in return, then they’re not worth it. "
How are we going to find love without comprimising your heart for someone else?
I dont think giving your heart away is part of love. I think it's symbolic...but I wont believe that your heart really has a mind of it's own. Do you? If you think about it...really, does it?
I think our emotions get attached to people, and to love somebody with your entire being is reachable and doable without sacrificing any part of yourself.
It's beating all odds to do it, but that's when you get that once in a life time love right?
-Nomz
It can be ("giving your heart away" -- putting aside what's best for you to embrace what quenches your emotional thirst). We're constantly at odds with what our intellect and emotions tells us or wants us to do. You'd give up what's personally best for you for your daughters' sake, right? Pursuing a more lucrative career at their expense, for example, would be better for your materialistic and maybe intellectual well-being, but would devastate theirs and your emotional well-being -- would devastate your heart.
I don't think romantic love is different in that respect.
Agreed...but to a point.
You're right, I could lower my standards and compromise myself for a materialistic lifestyle...but then, not only am i compromising what's best for my angels, but for myself as well.
Excellent point made though. I would compromise myself for them if it came down to that...but for a man? No way jose. ;)
-Nomz
I think whether two people have sex before they're married is entirely up to them, and doesn't necessarily involve a sacrifice or giving something up. What's right for one couple may not be right for another, and what's right for you and Person A may not be right for you and Person B. Sex can be all about the physical, lust, desire, or about two people sharing a moment of perfect intimacy in a way that all other people are excluded from.
That being said, if she's not willing to get down, then what's the point in putting up with her talking all the time?
I agree that it's completely up to the individual couple...Im not trying to say what's right for me is what's right for everybody. Im saying, that if you feel like what you're doing is a compromise, dont give in just to feel more "loved".
As for your last comment...
You are either single...or you have a woman that will put up with that kinda disrespectful lashing of a comment and you dont need to be taking our advice anyway right? ;)
-Nomz
First and formost good article . After reading this article I had to sit back and take in what I was reading, not that I am slow or anything. It just made me think of my own trials and tribulations. Getting burned, or burning someone else. Weither being phisical before "its time" was right? Hell I will never know, the point I guess I'm trying to make is everywhere we turn there is temtation. How do we know the "path" we choose isn't for lust, can lust turn into more? Can waiting for Mr./Ms. "right" come without taking a chance? Don't get me wrong I'm not saying we need to re-live the 60's and have group orgy's at the drop of a hat. Consider sex/love making as a experiance or expression. Personally I too didn't wait until I was married to "experiment sexualy" and proud of it. Proud of the fact that I could attempt to connect with someone on a way I wasn't sure I could do... Thankfully thats all it turned out to be but again what I am trying to say is that I am thankful for making key word here "some" choices I did. Is it truly better to be loved; than not to love at all? Like I said before I have been burned and have been the one to cast the burn, but what I have learned is that I will make mistakes again. I know "after the fact" that I should have turned left instead of turning right, but what if?????? temptation temptation what if I didn't take that moment, will it surface again? Could it have been more than what I initially thought? We can't go through life second guessing ourselfs. I believe you and agree with you that sex can be a sacrifice but it also can be one of the most precious times of our lives. To share that feeling with someone else. Do we know that it was the "right" decision before it happens? No!!! Thats why I'm saying not only sex is a sacrifice we make for our companions. We can completely break someones heart and have empty promises/broken dreams without any phyiscal actions. ok now I'm just babbling... Sorry.....
Compromise, everyone of us do it maybe even unknowingly we do it but we still do it. I can't imagine females want to dress up like the "princes" from Star Wars for there man, but some women do it. Why?????? I believe people are pleasers and we will do things for others so in turn others might be more purswaided to pleasure us. Thats where lifes tingley's come into play we get excited thrilled that someone is excited about you. It's natural, how do we keep from loosing those precious tingley's? LIVE!!!! oh and where would we be without SEX??? I'm pretty sure I'm still alive and "Living" without it :) When you find that sweet someone or something just believe that they will be precious enough to let you eat the whole cake and have the brains to bake another whenever you are ready :)
I think that there is more than one facet to this post about keeping your virginity. There always is more than one point to any topic or blog- and in this case, I think we have to consider the consequences of our actions. I once heard a preacher compare our virginity to a sticker. You can only stick it to something so many times before it loses its ability to be stuck. It’s a fact that sex was meant for marriage- it is the process of two becoming one. Any man or woman will admit that sex is on more than just a physical level. And when you engage in sexual intercourse with another, you bond. Because that’s what sex is for- bonding.
I, unfortunately, did not wait until I was married to have sex. It is by the grace of God that the only person I have been intimate with is also the person that I am married to. Had it not worked out for us, I don’t know how I would have handled it.
So, now the point of consequences. When a man and a woman cleave to each other it is to become one. But, how is it possible to become one with more than one person? Thus the sticky effect- when you abuse the gift of intimacy that God created, you are not able to fully enjoy and experience all that sex can be.
When this gift of sex is perverted or used in a way that it’s not supposed to be, vile things can be the result. Think about it: if sex were kept between a married man and woman we wouldn’t have incest, rape, pedophilia, STD’s, children born out of wedlock or other negative sex related issues.
But, our Lord is gracious. Full of love and ready to forgive. If you haven’t kept your virginity, you are not at the point of no return. You may have lost your virginity, but you can retain your chastity.
First of all, to the "dude", or sorry, "dud" who wanted sex in return for listening to our babbling, I feel oh, so sorry for you. Instead of going to the club or bar to find girls (where, no offense, but most of the babblers hang out), go to church or the library, or college, and find a girl with something intelligent to say. Your life will be different, I promise.
People of all Christian faiths must have heard a similar text this last Sunday. The priest talked about sexual immorality and its effects on our mental and emotional, not to mention spiritual, well being. I have a hard time swallowing everyone is different, something different for everyone. Everyone is different, yes, but some things are black and white, no matter whether squats work for your cellulite and not for mine. The feeling that comes with sex outside of marriage is elation, infatuation, and on a timetable, no matter what you tell yourself or what the other person tells you. It does not equal true, "give of thyself" love. Sex within marriage is joyful, sacrificial, and timeless, if both people are willing to put the effort toward it. It can give you the greatest gift of all; just ask my growing belly.
I wasn't a virgin when I met my husband, so I'm the last person to preach to anyone and about as far from perfect as it gets. That being said, I'm also the perfect witness to the fact that sex will not make someone love you and it will not make you truly happy. As trite as it is, if someone says, "if you love me, you'll take your pants off," they are not the one! If you are the only one making sacrifices in your relationship, you aren't in a respectful, fulfiling relationship. You are in a foot-scraping, door mat position.
Well said ma'am! Love the responses we're getting on this one!
-Nomz
Quote: I honestly believe though, had we waited, had we not sacrificed or compromised, our love would have had a chance to bloom on its own rather than being forced to do so.
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The Love still has a chance to bloom. The flower isnt dead yet. My prayer, as your greatest fan, is that you continue to seek after that part of the rose bush. :)
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