♥h.o.p.e.

"Never let go of hope. One day you will see that it all has finally come together. What you have always wished for has finally come to be. You will look back and laugh at what has passed and you will ask yourself... 'How did I get through all of that?'" -Unknown.

If anyone had ever predicted this past year to me, in detail, I would have screamed and kicked and cried. I would have thrown a very toddler-like fit at the change that would encroach upon my change-hating self. I would have cursed the day that said transition began to take place and I definitely would have resisted every step. Had the prediction come with, "It will be worth it. And here's why," I would have simply replied, "Bring it on." Wanna know why? Because God is faithful. He gives and He takes away. And what He replaces with what He takes away... man, it's so much more than "worth it". Having what I have now, what I will soon have, what I know He will eventually give me has made every tear, ever groan and every *head desk* completely and undeniably worth.it. And this thought is what will carry me through all of life's changes that I may not necessarily welcome with open arms.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.” –Anne Lamott

"You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You." Isaiah 26:3

More and more I realize that I love written words- because they allow me more time to really think about how I feel and put those feelings into physical imagery. So many times, my brain is working so quickly that when I talk I stutter, skip over entire words in the telling of a story, forget what I mean to say, get distracted or just plain interrupted. But when I write, I get to see the words flow from my mind/heart onto paper or screen. I get to think of what I want as I communicate it. No embarrassing slip ups, no misunderstanding (minus tone which I know can be an issue) and no worry of saying something I didn't mean to say. I'm able to choose phrases and lingo that matches precisely my mood, my intentions or my feelings. I cannot learn too many words and I cannot write too many thoughts. And as they leak onto "paper" I am always grateful for the comfort and accomplishment they bring.

“Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings tunes without words and never stops at all.” Emily Dickinson

I'm so thankful; for best friends and accomplices in shopping shenanigans. I'm thankful for being on the receiving end of blessing, though I am fully aware that I am undeserving of good things and amazing people. I'm thankful for friends and family that will stand with me through thick and thin; for a son who makes me smile every day; for the ability to laugh so readily; for being surrounded by people with colorful and rich personalities; for the irreplaceable ones; for the loyal and optimistic ones.

“Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.” –Vaclav Havel

Newest little lesson: validation. Reminder: validation cannot come from people. Note to self: your validation comes from Christ alone. And if you seek validation from fellow, imperfect humans, you will be disappointed in them and in yourself all at the same time. When Christ validates you, He does so from a place of holiness and perfection. Because He is perfect and calls you perfect, your validation will be untouchable and everlasting and not based your mostly messy life punctuated by good deeds.

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” –Jean Karr

I miss the days of cassette tapes with their love-music mixes and disposable cameras with their physically printed memories. There's something about holding a thing of sentimental value in your hands as opposed to being displayed on a glowing screen. I will always own journals and books. I will always have authorial collections in stacks upon stacks- taking up their reserved spaces on my shelves. I will always own CDs and listen to them until they wear out. Because they just seem so much more real when I can hold them in my hands.

Lately? Lately my cheeks have this little ache... I smile constantly. Some change is good.