**Lend our Ghost Blogger your eyes, and give her your thoughts!
-Nomz and Sazaran
I am tired of people being "concerned" for me. I am 28 years old, for crying out loud. I am an adult, have been for some time, and I think I am capable of making my own decisions (of course, with the influence of my Lord and Savior).
-Anonymous
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
**I have met a man....
I have met a man. An honest man, a kind, loving, STRONG Christian man who wants to marry me. He is wonderful! (He is also divorced, but no kids yet.) My friend is concerned that I am rushing things. I met this guy about 6 weeks ago, and knew immediately that he was the one for me. The feeling is also mutual. We cannot imagine our lives without one another. We study the Word together, pray together often, and seek God's guidance and provision in our decisions. I have asked God repeatedly to show me if this is in any manner wrong or too fast, and have not received anything but the "go-ahead".
My question is, am I being blind? I just don't see a need to wait beyond the end of this year (or actually before that) to wed if we are guided in that direction. I have sought counsel from those closest to him regarding "red flags", hidden character traits, or any form of dishonesty, and have been informed of his shortcomings (impulsive spending, though he has impeccable credit and is working very hard to get out of debt, so i don't know how much of an issue that will be), but have been told by EVERY person I have asked that he is a GOOD man and would be very good to me. I have also taken note of the fact that he is worried that since his first marriage failed (he was unequally yoked and they were never in love, plus she cheated on him) he may fail me. I have told him that it takes two to fail in matrimony, and that when we both put God first and the other's needs second, followed by our own last, we shall overcome.
Can I please get an "AMEN!!" to the fact that we are all human, and being thus, are ALL sinners with shortcomings? Can my dream of being in love and having a wedding and a husband to care for and care for me not come true in this jaded day and age? I know that there are a lot of poor experiences in marriage these days, and though I have never been married, I have been deeply hurt several times. Can I not be one who shows that there is still wholesome, fulfilling, Christ-centered love in this world? I am tired of being looked at funny or questioned because things are going well and we're talking marriage so early on! I am tired of people snubbing their noses and questioning how long our relationship will last. Falling in love for me is like falling in a ditch. I have fallen in love before and it has only ended in disaster and heartbreak. I CHOSE this man because of the incredible spiritual connection we have, and we are GROWING in love. And though I am crazy about him, I am not a crazy fool over him. I have my wits about me. And I know it will be hard, I know that marriage is not an easy thing! I am prepared to fight for this man, and he is prepared to do the same for me. With this in mind, am I crazy to want to jump in? And anyway, if we know, what's the point in waiting? Why tempt the Devil to tempt us longer than we must? (Though we are keeping our relationship mainly very public to avoid tempting situations, and also praying fervently that our every action glorifies God.)
I hope that the audience is not one of skeptics and those jaded by love, and that I can get some stinkin' encouragement here. But by all means, be honest. Don't spare my feelings. Just be reminded that I have already received many words of caution.
Posted by Daily Offensive (baha!) at 2/16/2010
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7 comments:
If it feels right and you have had your eyes open looking for red flags, finding none, and realizing that you accept someone the way they are flaws and all and still find yourself head over heals in love with this mand and ready to say yes to his proposal. I say go with it!!! I met and married my husband in 9 months.... by far the best choice I ever made. It may not be right for everyone, but it's your life and you are the only one who has to live it. If it feels right to you (in all of your being) then get married and live your dream.
This is me again (anonymous), with an update for ya'll. I just wanted to clue everyone in on how God is working in our lives. I feel like things are completely different now than they were when I typed out my original blog, but only in the very best of ways. My sweetheart has opened up to me and to God in ways I never have experienced before. God is doing a great work in us, and He's using us as tools in one another's lives to bring us close to Him. What an unexpected gift!
I have also spoken with many in the interim time that have nothing but words of encouragement for me and my guy. I'm pleased! God saw a need in my heart for an uplifting word, and has delivered many. And now I no longer need words of encouragement, nor to seek approval through man, as God has given me every sign I need to know that HE encourages and approves of my relationship. Praise God!!
Something that affirms even more that we are "meant to be" is how much fulfillment we get out of prayer together, and how much our love grows each time we pray. It is such a wonderful and pure thing to be a part of. I keep asking God for signs and he delivers them by allowing my love for Him and for my sweetheart to grow. God is also bringing me closer to His heart and showing me my areas of sin and the broken places in my heart in which I need to invite Him to make me whole again. He is doing the same for my sweetheart. It is such an incredible thing to witness!!
We also had a fantastic Valentine's Day, though it was more of a Valentine's Weekend Extravaganza! I think the bar may have been set a little high, as I was quite spoiled... It is so wonderful to be cherished by him, and know that my desires for life are a huge priority for him.
We got some books in the mail that we'd ordered, Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts and the workbooks that go with it. We read the intro and are excited to get started! Many people have used it as a pre-marital counseling tool (though once we are engaged we WILL seek pre-marital counseling through a pastor). It stresses the importance of placing emphasis on preparing for your MARRIAGE, and not to get so caught up in WEDDING details that you forget that it's what comes after the wedding that is what you should be planning for. I like the sounds of that! I'll be sure to leave more of a review when we get into the "meat and potatoes" of the book.
Well ya'll, I hope this message finds you blessed and happy! Love...
I can really say that I have no idea who you are, and I am very happy for you and the wonderful man you seemed to have found. Once a girl finds that, it is a great feeling.
The only question I have (not words of caution, necessarily!) is why the rush? If you absolutely know that you are in love with this person and going to be with them for the rest of your life, why hurry up and get married? Why not enjoy being pursued and have fun dating and getting to know each other more? If you have the rest of your lives, will it really matter 10 years down the road if you got married now or if you got married in a year?
I'm not saying you are doing it wrong. It does seem a bit hurried, in my opinion, but everyone has different situations. I think it is great you are putting your faith first, but what's wrong with taking your time?
Wishing you the best.
I agree with the above Anonymous... I know this will come across as cautious and cynical, but there is so much to learn about a person. Not that you can't in such a short time, but 6 weeks really isn't that long. A lot can happen very quickly. I've been told that when you meet "The One", you'll know it. I have yet to find out what this is like, which is partially where my skepticism comes in. I have no doubt that he is a good man and I know he'll take care of you for many, many years, but since you've got all that time, why rush it? Be happy where you are in your relationship and enjoy your time together. I don't see why you need to wait until the end of the year, but I'd give yourself another couple months before you take that next big step. I applaud your efforts for pre-marital counseling, and I encourage you to seek more through your pastor. Best wishes!
I've thought of all this myself... And I don't disagree with ya'll, but you are also right in saying "when you know, you know". And the fact is, I know! And the main thing is that we are keeping our relationship pure (not sleeping together) before marriage. Having been together 2 months, until yesterday had not allowed ourselves any passionate moments. And then all of a sudden, we were kissing and cuddling, and it was amazing! It is really hard to control my thoughts in moments of weakness, and it is very important to both of us that we not go any further than where we have gone now before we wed. We've both been praying for strength in this area, and it's very important that we don't give the Enemy a foothold as far as that goes. Neither of us has ever had this kind of relationship before, and so it's difficult to flee the temptation when it comes... A lot of churches don't allow for long engagements for this very reason.
Im no skeptic and I understand your plight. However (sorry, there is a however), it NEVER hurts to take your time, but it often hurts to rush. That applies to cooking, making wine, teaching a kid to read, driving a car, spending money, and almost any other aspect of life. Why not apply it to a relationship?
I always tell my kids, "All GOOD things take time."
Just words for thought.
Thanks, Kelly. :)
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