♫ Why It'd Be Easier to be Male

I have a feeling, Im going to get some backlash on this one. At least I hope so. Men, you’ve been quite unresponsive to the blog lately, I miss you.

It’s official. I want to be male. Not in a creepy..."I want a sex change"...way, but in a, "I really wanna be able to pee outside!" way. I have a theory, that life is easier for the guys. Let me know if I’ve got this right.

Men can pee standing up.

You cant argue that. Any girl that enjoys the outdoors envy’s you with full force. You should watch sometime. Actually, don’t. You’ll probably get hit. Let me tell you the process.

First, we get to scrounge for toilet paper. And for whatever reason, it’s impossible to remember until you’ve hiked three miles to find the tree that’s five feet wide, clean, un-prickled, and never before used because it’s so far away from the campground. So, you fight yourself on "air drying", a leaf, or the hike back, in hopes that you find your perfect tree again.

Second. The squat. Honestly, im a pretty flexible person. But im convinced that even those most graceful acrobat, could not do this act in a attractive manor. You have to put your feet so far in front of you that you and spread far apart 1) so that you wont get wet, 2) wont get poked by nature, and 3) to balance to hold your pants up, your body up, and your back against the tree.

Third. The maneuver you have to perform to get BACK UP is ridiculous.

On top of all that, this is just one example. Y’all don’t just pee standing up when you’re camping in pretty weather, huh? No. You get to go in COOL places. You know, public parking lots, backyards, middle of the street, off the back of a pickup. And I know you draw cool things in the snow (PS-writing our name in the snow, is NOT romantic, it’s disgusting, and also brings up the irritation that we cant. ). Jerks.

Men don’t have feelings

Ok. Men have feelings. But they don’t explode all over everything whenever they want. They’re also buried a lot deeper, so they’re harder to reach, and thus, get in the way of life much less.

One fallback for men is, this is both a strength and a weakness. Those that DO have feelings, are called names. Your either a mamma’s boy, or gay. Sorry gents, women are cruel.

Men don’t have bathroom party’s.

If you didn’t read the blog about our most embarrassing moments, click here and read about my "Hallelujah! Bathroom party". It was humiliating, but also fact. Not only do we get emotionally unpredictable every month, but we have to be high maintenance and go to the effing bathroom every four hours, avoid sex, shower standing up (you know, instead of the laying down bath kind of cleansing), avoid hot tubs, become completely unpredictable eruptive bitches, and deal with you. Y’all complain about PMS, but don’t realize that we’re tortured by our own body’s once a month. Give us a break, aight?

If we didn’t like sex so much, we’d be lesbians- - and you’d still like us!

Confession: I stole that quote from one of the coolest girls ever.

Another confession: we all think it in some fashion.

No, we don’t like girls THAT much. We just hate you that much...at least every so often. You play these mind games. Whether it’s intentional or not, you screw with our heads in a huge way with every single move you make. We think you’re in love with us, and then in the same moment, have the ability to think you’re abandoning us. You’re impossible to figure out, seem difficult to please, and as much as we encrypt our messages-we do tell you everything we want, and you stare at us blankly and keep moving on your way.

Women are pretty simple creatures. Correction. Most women are pretty simple creatures. Once a month, you buy us flowers and duck and cover. You make some effort in decrypting us and doing what we ask. Remember two dates: our birthday, and our anniversary. And you spoil us rotten. That’s it! It’s that easy, I promise.

Yours Truly,
Nomz