♫ Crazy, Tragic, Sometimes Almost Magic

Thing we call life. Sometimes I wonder, if I have any control over my life, or if no matter what choices I make, if my life lives for me.

To my friends:

You never cease to amaze me. You’ve stood strong in my storms. You’ve loved me when im not too lovable. You’ve encouraged me more than you’ll ever know. If y’all were trees, Id be lost in the deepest, tallest, strongest forest (you know, like the Harry Potter-style trees) ever. Thank God for you.

You should know though, that Im tired. Im tired of watching you throw yourselves in front of large, dramatic, life and emotion-crushing buses. I gently peel you off the street after the bus has done its damage, and then watch you do it again. Don’t get me wrong, I love feeling heroine-like, Im just tired of watching it happen again and again. So, to those of you that know of whom im speaking, I will always be your shovel, I just wish you’d learn which snakes bite, and which ones you are safe to play with. Which buses have better drivers, and which ones have drivers that will never treat you as you’re dreaming. Know that I am far from complaining, im just quite ready to see you find the happiness you deserve. It’s frustrating that life keeps dealing you crap. And im sorry that I cant do more, more than hold a shovel.

To my girls:

Thank you for putting a little dose of sunshine in my blizzard-y life. There is something about the way you are growing up that makes me wish I was more like you, instead of the other way around. Innocent. Fresh. Brave. Honest. Never change. Leyna, ever time you hear a song you recognize, please never stop saying “turn it on mom, a big one!” (translation: crank it up!). And that look you gave me from across the table the other night, will work only until you’re a teenager little girl. I will only melt like butter for a few more years. Kyanne. My Kyanne, you’re my rock these days. There is something about her crooked smile, flirty eyes, and bravery for all things cold and scary, encourages me to be stronger. Tells me that Im doing the right thing. I will fight for your best until there is no fight left in me.

To my weekend:

Thank you. Thank for letting me pretend to be millions of miles away from civilization and reality. Thank you for the feeling of refuge, the quality time, and for opening my eyes to what is right in front of me. Dear fire, you could not have been warmer all stoked and warm, and cinnamon smelling. House, you could not be much cleaner. And food, you could not have tasted better. Laughter, love, security filled my little doll house this weekend. “Home” finally feels like “home”.

To my toasted marshmallow coffee:

You’re fabulous. Monday just wouldn’t be the same without you. In fact, Monday wouldn’t happen at all.

To my future:

Here I come! You think you’re ready? Yes, I have big plans for you. And soon. You and I will have a blast together…and probably many blunders as well. It seems that you and I like to do things the hardest way possible, but Im ready to get started. Ready to give you another shot. Full force, dream-finding times are coming at us and fast. It’s all set in stone in my head, and you have no choice but to cooperate. Throw wrenches all you want, but we’ll work it out. We always do. I’ll just keep those wrenches in my pocket, they eventually become more and more useful anyway. Big plans, my friend. Big plans. Prepare yourself, and help me out a little would ya?

To my readers:

One of my latest "songs" that blew up outta my heart a while ago...thought I'd share it with ya:

High Heels and Broken Dreams

Putting on an image in front of her crowd

She smiles through the tears as she takes another bow

Defining herself on their reaction to her song

She’ll take another step, she’ll keep moving on

Her dreams only taking her so far

Her half hearted will is short in reach

Afraid to leap, for fear of falling

Longing for a hand, without one she is weak

(Chorus)

Sing your heart out, let your soul scream

You will only get so far

On high heels and broken dreams

Perfect on the outside, envy going deep

Constantly toeing over the line,

Forever a fear of that leap

Sing your heart out, let your soul scream

You will only get so far

Riding hard on high heels and broken dreams

Standing tall but crumbling hard

Her journey takes a turn

The emotions she buries deep really start to burn

Constant hot explosions

Burn bridges of love and foundation

Needing to hear applause, craving adoration

(Chorus)

Sing your heart out, let your soul scream

You will only get so far

On high heels and broken dreams

Perfect on the outside, envy going deep

Constantly toeing over the line,

Forever a fear of that leap

Sing your heart out, let your soul scream

You will only get so far

Riding hard on high heels and broken dreams

(Bridge)

Angel kick those shoes

Let your dreams soar

It’s time to stop desiring

It’s time for you to adore

You’re beautiful, you’re perfect

Let the image fail, you have to see yourself

You have to remove the veil

Angel look in the mirror, catch site of the real you

Kick those shoes, find your dreams

Barefoot, Life renewed

(Chorus)

Sing your heart out, let your soul scream

You will only get so far

On high heels and broken dreams

Perfect on the outside, envy going deep

Constantly toeing over the line,

Forever a fear of that leap

Sing your heart out, let your soul scream

You will only get so far

Riding hard on high heels and broken dreams

With Love,

-Nomz